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A Last Lullaby- The Beginning
Prologue-I met his eyes as I raise the knife.
“Liv,no!” he whispered. As the blade reached it’s target, the words to my song drifted to me:
“When I left, I don’t even think I saw you cry. I am forever broken. You can’t fix me…”
Darkness.
Chapter 1: Pain. 5:45 in the morning and I’m already getting the snot beat out of me.
“What is it this time, Dad?” I whined. Another blow to the back.
“Don’t get smart with me, brat. Get up! I have to be somewhere, so get your a** to school!” he hissed.
“All right, all right.” My hands found the alarm clock and turned it off.
That’s me: Alivia Nathanson. Daughter to John, the abusive alcoholic. I examine myself in the mirror. No black eye today. My eyes narrow as I take in my reflection. Chesnut brown hair, startling green eyes, a perfect tan. I think I’m pretty. My friends think I’d be a knockout without my scar.
That’s right, scar. 1.5 inches across my right eye. Yet another reminder of my dad’s rages.
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This article has 23 comments.
i don't mean to be cliche. The idea kinda came to me...I've never read anything like it before. I'll try to rewrite the beginning though. Thanx
The passage is somewhat unbelievable because for the umpteenth time I'm reading about an abusive parent and a child with scars.
This scene could have well been taken out of a David Pelzer novel or memoir.
Your story is written with an almost cliché plotline that could be mistaken for another author's story.
I can't tell you how to write your story, though, or else it wouldn't be yours.
I must remember that I've read only an excerpt, and not the whole thing.
The prose which you write in is more for one of those stories with detectives named, "Private Eye". It is interesting though somewhat unbelievable. Maybe I need to read more fo what you've written.
The section where you mention her friends is pretty neat. I can't wait to read what they actually say to Alivia.
Also, it's pretty obvious her father's an alchoholic without you saying so. Even if it weren't true it is what most people would first think.
Very interesting, I think you could go far with this, though you need to work on your spelling, sentence structure, and dialogue.
I think this would make a very intriguing story, maybe you should write it in short story form before you try to turn it into a book.
