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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes
[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]
BELLA: Are you a vampire?
EDWARD: No! Yes...
[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]
BELLA: I love you.
EDWARD: I love you too.
[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]
BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!
[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]
EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.
BELLA: Aww.
[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]
JACOB: I love you too.
BELLA: Yay!
[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]
EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!
JACOB: Or what?
[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']
EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!
[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]
BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!
EDWARD: Yay!
JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?
EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.
BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!
EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.
[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]
JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."
EDWARD: Oh.
[EDWARD bites BELLA.]
BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!
[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]
RENESME: I'm your daughter!
ALL: Yay!
[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]
EDWARD: Oops.
End credits.
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This article has 1986 comments.
I agreee with Toastminion seriously grow up already. Just becuase you don't like Twilight doesn't mean you got to make fun of it.
That made me laugh out loud.
Thank you for posting. :D
