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The Curious Question of Annoying Children

November 29, 2011
By Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
More by this author
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Yesterday, as I strolled down the dried foods aisle of a local supermarket, I heard a strange and frightening noise- the sound of a young child not getting his way. As I drew nearer, the shrieking intensified. Upon reaching the end of the aisle, I saw the reason for the commotion- a boy of about two or three years old had spotted a bin of chocolate candies and wanted a taste. His mother, instead of simply telling him no, had tried to reason with him.

I saw that things could not end well. The child, having wedged his feet under the lip of the shelf near the floor, showed no signs of letting go of the lid of the candy bin. The mother, who by now was nearly sitting on top of the lid, showed no signs of letting the child have his way. The air began to fill with the stench of sweat from the struggle. I turned away my head to continue my shopping.

“We can’t afford this candy right now,” I heard the mother say as I continued my search for dried pineapples. “Maybe I can get you something at the check out.”

She sounded absolutely exhausted. The grimace on the child’s face would have scarred a battle hardened soldier. Besides making my skin crawl, it told me that things would only get worse when they went home. My friends, is this the kind of world we want to live in? Bowing to the will of those that would annoy us to our deaths? I think not. Hence, I continue to advocate the implementation of the Annoyance Removal Agency (ARA), under the leadership of the illustrious and accredited Joshua McAwesome, to defend and protect our future from those who would mar it with further annoyance.
With all due respect and honesty,
Archibald Phineas Crane
Aristocrat,
Internet Blogger,
People Advocating Annoyance Reduction (PAAR)

© Dana H., Wichita Falls, TX

The author's comments:
Ok, so I thought this would be kind of funny. I see people ranting about stupid stuff online all the time, and I figured, "What the heck? Why not?" I like kids, by the way, and I work a lot with middle and elementary schoolers. After writing this, my brother (the real Joshua McAwesome) decided that we want to do a Youtube series based on this petition for peace and quiet.
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This article has 57 comments.

Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 10:49 am
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Yeah, like sending anthrax in the mail to people from up north. (Just kidding, I swear.)
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 10:48 am
ROFL  I bet you can guess who said that  :P
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 10:47 am
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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What? Dried pineapples are awesome!

(Slips into British Aristocrat mode) But of course, one can only go so long without snacks preserved in sucha manner. Pineapples are among the grandest fruits ever to be dried.

Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 10:46 am
hmmmm, you should write something about........A CHRISTMAS TRADITION!!!!   :D
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 10:44 am
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Thanks, I will.  Once I started writing, I couldn't stop, so I have a lot more to send in. I try to always have something pending.
NewPerson said...
on Dec. 3 2011 at 4:27 pm
okay, i'm not new....I am just posting a comment from somebody else.  "What the heck do you want dried pineapples for?"
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 8:22 pm
IKR!!!  ;) 
Meaghan_Elise BRONZE said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 8:12 pm
Meaghan_Elise BRONZE, Franklin, New Hampshire
1 article 74 photos 139 comments

Favorite Quote:
The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything..

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I'm addicted to reading your stuff now(: Hahaa. You're a really good author. I love the details you use, and it's really entertaining to read. Keep  posting more stuff!
choosing2live4Christ said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 4:46 pm
woah....you just posted it like...this morning?  or last night after midnight?  ;)  lol  cuz yeah I was up and on here until then  lol
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 4:15 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

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Thanks.  Glad to see that at least some people like my perspective. :)
AmieeHope-Sierra GOLD said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 4:13 pm
AmieeHope-Sierra GOLD, Royston, Georgia
11 articles 0 photos 115 comments

Favorite Quote:
And There Will Come A Time, You&#039;ll See, With No More Tears. And Love Will Not Break Your Heart, But Dismiss Your Fears.

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Your welcome Jacob this is very interesting i loved it.
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 2:11 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile
Wow, 100 views already.  Thanks, peeps!
Tiggerlily14 said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 12:59 pm
PLEASE I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, then I won't punish you for saying that....hehehe  I have my ways
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 12:57 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile
Yes, well, as the real Archibald Phineas Crane, I am not eligible to get bumped off as a nuisance.  You however, are. 0__0 (creeper smile) Mwahahahahahaha!
choosing2live4Christ said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 11:33 am
hehehe....my siblings are (in my mind) a nuisance in general...  xP  and so are YOU!!   grrrr
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 11:20 am
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And when I&#039;m gone, just carry on, don&#039;t mourn<br /> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice<br /> Just know that I&#039;m looking down on you smiling<br /> And I didn&#039;t feel a thing, So baby don&#039;t feel my pain<br /> Just smile back&quot;-Eminem

View profile
They have to be children, causing a general public annoyance, or being a nuisance in general. 
choosing2live4Christ said...
on Dec. 2 2011 at 6:04 am
at the beginning I was like, "i know how shopping with little kids goes over" because of having shopped with my sister-in-law and niece and nephew many times.  then at the end how you talked about the "ARA" I was like SWEET!!  does that mean it will take care of my older siblings!!   hehehe  xD