The air was slightly humid and the mist of dust blew the grounds delighted to see the sun peak out. It always seemed that the sun did not shine bright on this side of town sometimes. It was rather dim some days. The mood probably made it that way, from when daddy walked in from work. Mama never had to ask how much was brought in every day. It was usually shown when he walked through the door with his movements. He would slowly walk into the house. Placing his hat on the table, he would wait for mama to fix his dinner. Working at the shell gas company was tiring for daddy. Being the 60’s it was hard for any colored man to move up. Often taking three busses to work and back and with mama sliding the plate forcefully across the table with an attitude made me look at mama a different way as I grew older. Gladly picking it up he would slightly smile at the faces around the round table and walked to his room to eat. Daddy had a light temp. He could never hold a grudge. We rarely at dinner together as a family. Not going out often, mama always had a hot plate for us to eat at night.
‘All good things take time,”
He would tell mama, as she followed his every move around the house. The disparity of mom and dad was shown when mama would create an argument that carried on all night. Mamas word choice and vulgar vocabulary on the effort daddy put into work every day, showed who wore the pants in the house. I was a daddy’s girl. We had good liaison with one another. I could not stand the way mama treated daddy or my siblings. She mainly showed attention to Ricky. He always outleaped our grades. Taking advanced classes made mama “approve” of him more. Without showing much affection, we knew mama loved all of us, she just showed a little more favor to the successful siblings. Ritch was a strange child. He was such a good boy with lack of emotions to whatever happened to him.  Closing himself in a room with four walls was satisfying to him. The family loved and accepted him for the ways he had.  He felt more comfortable in his own space, and we gave him that. Ricky was also very smart. Always making good grades was what he lived for, but because he was different, he was looked at oddly. Mama could not get with his ways, which left a gap between their relationships.
“I got a gallon of ice cream kids,”
Echoed mamas voice through the house. We only received ice-cream once a week for one gallon to last us a month. Mama would buy it anytime she had a few cents left over from the money daddy gave her. We were grateful as always. In the evenings from school, I would occasionally have to stop by meme’s house with a napkin in my pocket. That was only for the days we ran a little short on cash. Meme was getting older now and I was afraid that we would not have her lending hand around for much longer.
I took the long route back home. It gave me time to reflect on myself and actions. The breeze would slightly touch my cheek as I strolled through it. The more I came into our neighborhood the breeze would leave. Living in a “cut” was difficult sometimes. It seemed that there was no getting out. It was hard to move up in the world. I knew it was a little easier for me though. I was considered fair skinned, which left most people wondering what race I was. I also had a good grain of hair on my head that fell four inches below my shoulders. Mama had very light skin, which explained the reason for mines. Mama’s family did not really approve of daddy because of his skin. They had rather keep the lightness in their family tree. Ever since they got hitched, they lost communication with them. Unlike daddy’s family, they accepted and loved us no matter what color we came out as. Maybe that’s why mama held so much anger inside.  Ricky and Ritch took after daddy. Not that they were dark, but it was clear that they were colored.
My legs got weary, and I only had three more blocks to go. I had to meet rich at his bus stop when I arrived home. Behind me appeared a shadow. My heart dropped and my beats started to pick up. I was afraid I was being followed. Glancing out my peripheral, I noticed that the man was not colored.
“Why is he following me, I wondered?”
Continuing to walk, he gently landed his hand onto my shoulder and asked for my name.
“Raven, I answered with a blank look on my face.”
“I didn’t mean to startle you pretty lady, I just see you take this walk periodically, and I wanted to ask your name. Could I walk you home?”
“No, sorry I have to be somewhere.”
Picking up my paste, I continued to walk on home. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen. His hair slightly slicked to the side with blue eyes the color of the sea. He was typical, but the grass was green on his side of town.
After getting Rich settled into the house before mama came back from school, I was on my way to choir rehearsal for the church. I was called the” golden voice,” for the high range I had when my mouth opened. I could only think of him and the risk I had to take to sneak. If I could tell anybody it would be mama. I was sure in her younger days she had a predicament like this one. I took the long route again from church. Turning the corner he was there on his porch.
“I thought you would make your way back around here.”
“I was coming from somewhere important.”
“Oh were you now,” with a grin on his face.
“Yes, and if I didn’t know any better, I would think you’re watching me.”
“Well, you’re quite the view. How about I walk you home?”
  “That would be fine, I replied.”
The feeling of love creeped into my heart. We engaged into each other’s conversation right away. The way those blue eyes gazed at me made me want to sink into my clothes.
“You should come by the studio sometime. Mondays through Thursdays are the days that I am in there.”
“Oh I would love to. I can stop bye after school for a few minutes.”
Having no other thought, while passing the library, I stepped foot onto one stair and said,
“Welp, here is my stop. I enjoy doing my studies here. “
Bending down I used my shoes as a way of distraction from the oblivious colored and white sign that stood above the arch way. I did not want any of my school friends to happen to see what side I was sitting on. Patiently taking my time he finaly imputed into leaving after I gathered up words to nicely make him leave.
“Well looks like you can got it from here, he said in a mono toned voice.”
Yes, I do, thanks for the company. I will try my best to make an appearance at your studio called?”
“Platinum records. 7724 west road.”
“Ok, see you then.” When he left I acted like I procceded into the doors. As he turned the cornor I peeped one eye out from behind the thick with of the tall white brick post that held the library up. I placed glasses on my face an caught the bus at the bus stop across the way to go to my side of town. In the chair I could not keep still from excitement.The color of my people were beautiful and I felt that I betrayed them by deeply liking the man that bilitiled what we had as beings. This was a way to use my skin as a disguise for what I truly was. Belonging in his world would give me opporutnites to become great and not have to go the hard route to search for a gift that I was given. The aromas of file and shrimp mingeled with the scent of the river in the August humidity. Mama was cooking gumbo. Me and mama always had hear to heart conversations while she cooked. I would sit on the cowner fathest from the ingrediance an engadge In her cooking while talking. I knew I had to tell her about the unexpected hand that touched my shoulder an approached to talk to me. Daddy’s had about another hour to arrive home, which left the air clear to tell the new that could not get around town.
“Hey mama I can smell that gumbo for a mile away.”
“Where have you been all this evening young lady.”
“Looking from side to side I saw I said a white man approached me today as If I had no black stream in my veins.”
  A white man! Are you crazy? Now you listen to me. Everything you have and want can be destroyed. I will have nothing to do with this relationship you are encountering. It is a mistreatment to your race and your skin toned. I only want the best for you kids in this world. I want you all to be successful and become something great.”
He owns a studio mama. I have the golden voice of the town, and with that he can bring me up in the world.
And become what Raven, a white woman. Once you leave potrayed yourself as that way you can never turn back.
Sititng back tears rolled down mamas toasty cheeks as she glanced at the stack of mail  that lied on the table before me, and trying to hold back tears of hurt, pain, disownment, and struggle all showed in the five tears that ran down her cheeks. Each one having digits on them would have to wait. Having three kids grew hard attending them every day. Mama was a good mother and I felt bad that she left me up to the decision instead of telling me a no or yes answer.
Daddy came home with a few extra change today, which I was appreciative of because this could at least put a smile on mama’s face. Taking out some paper and pen I created a diary to express my feelings. Knowing how mama felt at this point made it hard to want to express any other feeling to her.
John Smith was an older man then me. I was only eighteen in my senior year of school. This left three gaps in our age difference. I went to the studio that next afternoon to feel out this mysterious white man. I was welcomed with a glass of water into my hands by a man of color.
“I am her for Mr. Smith, I imputed. He is expecting me.”
“Ok mam take a seat he will be with you in a minute.’
Five minutes had then passed and John and a blond headed women walked out together. She gave me “the eyes.” They were eyes of hate as if she owned Mrs. Smith. Or was it because she thought I was a colored women. Immediatley I put my head to the side to distract if she was trying to figure out what race I was. “I am her for Mr. Smith, I imputed. He is expecting me.”
“Ok mam take a seat he will be with you in a minute.’
Five minutes had then passed and John and a blond headed women walked out together. She gave me “the eyes.” They were eyes of hate as if she owned Mrs. Smith. Or was it because she thought I was a colored women. Immediatley I put my head to the side to distract if she was trying to figure out what race I was.
“This was doll, I know it is not much but one day this company will be the biggest record deal possible.”
“This is a nice start for a young fella like you.”
“Well let’s go to the back, Ill introduce you to some of the workers and stars we have here.”
I had always dremed of being in a place like this.
I would do anything to be famous I blurted
You sing?
Yeah, I can do a little singing.
Pulling the mic closer to me and adjusting my ear muffs I began to sing Ill be there by Micheal Jackson. I had never felt my voice become so powerful. It was amazing to sing into a mic so cleared woth secluded doors an windows for sounds. I never knew how amazing and clear my voice could sound. I opened my eyes and that man stared at me for one minute straight. The type of look that can make your heart melt when a man stares at you like he is in love. I gathered goodbumps all over my body. To break the ice of awkwardness, I said,
“Did You like it?”
Did I like it, I loved it.”
Picking me up he said” you are the golden ticket. You will be one of the biggest stars out there with that voice.”
I appreciate everything, but I must finish school fist before I could think about letting this take over my life.”
School? You don’t need school. This will make you rich in a matter of no time. We just have to stick together and make this company the best. Just think about it kid.”
Uh ok, I will thanks for the opportunity.
‘Ok, so Ill see you tomorrow?”
Walking away, I said yeah.”
It was late in the evening and I knew mama would be worried but I could not go home at the time. Walking around the river was dark, too, seemingly asleep except for the lazy slap of its waves on the gravel banks. I had a panoramic view of the neighborhood where he had been raised and still lived. The city was built below sea level. The streets to my right were slightly lower than the surface of the river to his right, and it appeared that the neighborhood was sinking even lower. The neighborhood was taking a turn for the worse now. In the old days, river traffic gave black stevedores plenty of work, loading and unloading thousands of pounds of produce, imports, and exports. They made enough money to move their families inland, away from the hustle and bustle of the riverbank. When daddy tried to apply there they had already planned to shut it down. The graffiti that decorated the street signs looked to me and frown. I didn’t see the