“Stop playing with your food, Isabel,” Mom said, harshly stabbing her piece of chicken with her fork before popping it into her mouth.



I dropped my fork and it clattered onto my plate, causing my mother to jolt a little at the surprising sound.



“How was school?” Dad asked before Mom could open her mouth.



I shrugged. Mom sighed and began to run her tongue over her teeth.



“Please, Izzy,” Dad muttered. “Talk to us.”



Since it was my dad asking, I gave in, pretending to be okay. “It was fine. My teachers are good, I guess.”



“I expect your grades to be good this year,” Mom sneered.



“When have they ever been bad?” I shot back.



School always came somewhat easily to me. I never had a problem making good grades. At Whitewood and Higgins I had a high GPA. There was absolutely no reason for Mom to be such a little b**** about everything.



“Don’t use that tone of voice with me, Isabel.” Mom’s bright blue eyes pierced my skin.



I grabbed my plate and in one swift movement was out of my seat. “I’m going to my room.”



“You haven’t been excused!” Mom snapped.



“Barbara…” Dad murmured in a gentle tone as I walked in the kitchen, cleared my plate and headed up to my room without further comment. Mom didn’t call after me, so I figured Dad was talking to her and calming her down.



I crawled into my bed before changing out of my clothes. It felt so nice to relax for the first time after the day. I hadn’t felt this exhausted in a long time. Suddenly my phone buzzed in my pocket. I groaned, taking it out.



INCOMING CALL: JULIE



As much as I didn’t want to talk to her, I had told her earlier today that we would talk tonight. So I reluctantly pressed Accept, and held the phone to my ear.



“Hello?”



“Hey, Isa, it’s Julie,” she said.



“Oh, hey. What’s up?”



“I saw you in the parking lot with Jones today,” she said. Typical Julie, straight to the point.



“Oh…” was all I could come up with.



“Did you guys talk?”



“Yeah.”



“And?”



My eyes began to sting. Just remembering what had happened hours earlier with Jones made me want to start crying all over again. But I blinked my eyes, and forced the tears back. “It didn’t go so well. But I don’t know what else I was expecting…”



“Yeah…” Julie murmured, at a loss for words. “Can you tell me how it all started?”



Her voice sounded surprisingly calm. Not at all bitter like I expected. Just curious.



“Remember October of our sophomore year,” I started.

***

It was a Friday night. Arielle, Julie, and I were attending a party. To impress the guy who was throwing it—Thomas Graze, who Julie had had a crush on since forever—she had offered to bring the weed. Julie knew a guy who was a dealer, so Arielle and I went with her to make a deal before the party.



His name was Mike Feller but everyone called him Mikey. We met him behind the community center building. He was an interesting guy, actually pretty smart, but never really gave a s*** about school.



When we met up with him, he looked kind of shocked to see us. “What are you girls doing here?”



Julie rolled her eyes. “You know why. How much for an ounce?”



Mikey smiled awkwardly at Arielle. “How about five minutes over in the janitors closet?”



“Funny,” Julie said in a disgusted tone. “I mean it. How much?”



“Normally its 100. But since you’re three pretty girls I’ll let you off. 75 dollars.”



That’s when my mouth dropped. For one ounce, he was making a good 75 dollars? And that was a discount? I immediately jumped to how much money I could make.



I immediately dismissed the thought, a feeling of disgust rising in the pit of my stomach. There was no way I was going to deal. Period. I was not going to end up like a girl version of Mikey, no matter how desperate I was for money.



Julie handed over the money and Mikey pulled a bag out from his coat and slipped it into Julie’s hand.



“You’re Arielle Kurts, right?” Mikey said, eyeing Arielle up and down.



She simply nodded and crossed her arms over her chest. She happened to be wearing a low cut shirt for the party and was clearly regretting it at the moment.



“I’m Mike Feller.”



“I know who you are,” Arielle said, looking uninterested.



Mikey got the hint and then turned to me. “And you’re Jones’s girlfriend.”



“Yeah,” I said to Mikey. “I’m Isa.”



“Right,” Mikey said, leaning against the back wall of the community center. “You guys still dating?”



“Yeah,” I said.



“We should get going,” Arielle said, grabbing my arm gently and pulling me towards the parking lot.



“Thanks for the ounce,” Julie said.



“Thanks for the money,” he said to her. He then looked over at Arielle. “And I’ll see you around, Arielle.”

***



I snapped out of my memory from that night and remembered I was on the phone with Julie when she laughed and said, “How could I ever forget that night? That was the night Thomas and I finally got together. Happiest moment of my life. God, it was perfect.”



That night was perfect in so many ways. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I remember sitting on Thomas’s back porch with Jones, sitting in his lap, kissing him. He was telling me how much he loved me over and over again, kissing my collarbone and my neck. And then we drove out to the beach and hiked up to our spot in the pitch-blackness, laughing and sneaking all the way. And we made love to each other for the first time under the stars.



I quickly shook my head. I couldn’t think about this right now, so I turned onto a different topic.



“Yeah, how are things with you and Thomas?” I asked.



“We broke up at the beginning of last summer,” Julie said, and the happiness of reminiscing on that Friday night in May disappeared from her voice. “But, I talked to him today for the first time since we broke up, and he wants to go out to lunch sometime this week. He said he wants to talk. So I don’t know. We’ll see.”



“That’s good, that’s good,” I said.



“Yeah, I guess so.” I could tell Julie was trying to play it off like she didn’t care, but I knew she did. Now Julie changed the subject. “Anyways. Go on.”



“Right, so a few nights after the party…”

***



I pulled into the community center and made my way around the back. Mikey was there with another guy I didn’t know. They were sitting down, leaning against the wall, talking in hushed voices. When I approached them, they turned and saw me coming.



“Well, if it isn’t Jones girlfriend, Isa Scott,” Mikey said. He then gestured towards his friend. “This is Jeremy Fisher. We work together.”



“Hi,” I said.



“What’s up.” It wasn’t a question.



“Back for more?” Mikey asked.



“Actually, I need a favor…”



Mikey and Jeremy were happy to have me join their team. They showed me all the rules and explained how after we collected a day’s worth of money, we divided it equally among the three of us. We each had different spots. Mine was behind Boyle Park, downtown near a big oak tree that most kids showed up to. Mikey was behind the community center and Jeremy was near the high school.



“I only have one request,” I said. “And it’s really important that this is kept.”



“What is it?” Mikey asked.



“You can’t tell anyone about me doing this. Okay?”



“Sure,” they said in unison with a casual shrug.



“I’m serious,” I hissed.



“Chill, Scott. We got your back. You’re one of us now,” Jeremy said and pulled me down to a sitting position.



“One more thing.”



“Oh god, what?” Mikey asked.



“No one from my soccer team, Jones’s friends, or Arielle and Julie are allowed to come to me at work. Only the kids I don’t know.”



“We’ll do our best,” Jeremy said.

***



“And just like that, you were one of them?” Julie asked after I had explained all this on the phone.



“Just like that.”



“How did you hide it so well?” she asked, astounded.



I shrugged. “Whenever you, Arielle, or Jones asked, I was busy with family. Whenever my family asked, I was busy with you guys. It actually wasn’t that hard.”



“I have to ask,” Julie started. “Did you smoke a lot?”



“Surprisingly not. I only smoked a few times with people. I don’t know I just wasn’t that into it. It’s funny. I smoked more during my year at Higgins than I did during my year selling.”



“Yeah, wait, how was Higgins?”



“Awful. I wanted to come home so bad, but I knew coming home would be terrible too. The girls were all right. Kind of bitchy, to be honest. There was one girl though who I got along with really well. She was chill and wasn’t stuck up like all the other girls there. She wasn’t the best influence though. The number of times we snuck out on the weekends to go to parties the local public high school kids threw was unreal.”



“I’m sure you’ve got some crazy stories.” I could hear the smile in Julie’s voice. “I’ll have to hear ‘em sometime.”



I chuckled quietly. “Sure, why not. Anyways, is there anything else you want to know?”



“Yeah. One more thing. I only heard everyone else’s story on how you got caught. I never heard yours though.”



“Oh,” I murmured. “Well…”

***



It finally spiraled down at the end of my sophomore year. The last week in May. I was at school in Algebra, a class that Arielle and I shared, when the loudspeaker came on.



“Will Isabel Scott please report to the office,” it crackled and then the voice disappeared.



S***. S***. S***.



“What’s going on?” Arielle asked me.



“I don’t know,” I whispered to her and collected my books.



The whole class watched me leave. When I arrived at the Ms. Newland—the principal’s office—Zach Hudson and his best friend Carl Hoffman, sat there slumped in their chairs. Zach turned to look at me, with a ‘sorry’ look on his face. His pupils were so dilated and his eyes were cherry red.



Oh. My. God.



“Mr. Hudson, Mr. Hoffman, please sit outside of the room for a moment,” said Ms. Newland



Zach and Carl slowly got up and exited the room.



Oh. My. God.



“Take a seat, Ms. Scott,” Ms. Newland said, pushing her glasses up the brim of her nose. “It’s been a fairly crazy morning. Our custodian found Zach Hudson and Carl Hoffman smoking on campus in the back parking lot, with the possession of marijuana.”



Oh. My. God.



“I was just informed that the source of this illicit drug came from you.”



Oh. My. God.



“Is this true, Ms. Scott?”



That asshole. He ratted me out. Who stoops that low? Sure I sold it to them but I didn’t tell them to go smoke it on SCHOOL CAMPUS.



“Isabel?” Ms. Newland waited.



What the hell did she want me to say?



“Isabel, please answer the question.”



What would Julie and Arielle say when they heard about this? What would the whole school say?



What would Jones say?



Oh. My. God.



Jones.



“Isabel, I’m going to need you to answer this question, right now. Did you or did you not, sell marijuana to Zach and Carl?



“I did.”

***



“So the rumors were true,” Julie confirmed. “The assholes ratted you out.”



“Yep.”



“Did you sell to a lot of the popular kids?”



“Not originally,” I said. “But it started getting out of hand as the year went by.”



“I’m so sorry, Isa.”



“Stop it, Julie. You have no reason to be sorry. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”



“Why did you do it?” Julie asked suddenly.



“A lot of reasons.”



“You gotta give me more than that, Isa.”



“I don’t know. I needed to money.”



“Why didn’t you just get a real job?”



“Desperate times call for desperate matters.”



Suddenly she was silent. She quietly, more gently, asked, “Why were you desperate?”



“Look, I really don’t want to talk about this right now, Jules,” I murmured. “I’m sorry.”



It was quiet for a moment, then Julie sighed, and then she finally said, “It’s alright. I just hope one day you can tell me. You know you can tell me anything. I’ll always be here for you.”



I forced the tears back down my throat again and murmured, “Thank you, Julie.”



My voice came out more choked up than I wanted it to but Julie ignored it, knowing I didn’t want to talk about it, and said, “What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?”



“Nothing.”



“Let’s get lunch together. I’ve missed you, Isabel.”



I closed my eyes and couldn’t help my smile. “I’ve missed you too, Julie.”

I couldn’t fall asleep that night. I rolled around for hours, my mind going 100 miles per hour. I knew that if I fell asleep, the next time I opened my eyes it would be morning, and that meant school. And I dreaded the thought of going to school again.



I had two classes with Zach. Today I had been able to avoid him but I knew it wouldn’t last. Just seeing him today sent shivers up and down my spine and turned my blood cold. I tried not to think about him, but my mind couldn’t stop itself from taking me back to that awful, cold January day during sophomore year. The day that everything started to go down hill.

***



I was at my usual tree behind Boyle Park, my bags of weed hidden in my coat and pockets, when a customer approached. He was strong, a large build and I could see his blonde hair stick out in the twilight. It only took me a few seconds to recognize that it was Zach Hudson, mister popular.



He finally caught my eye too and we both stared at each other for a very long time. “Isabel Scott?”



“Hey,” I whispered.



“Uh…what are you doing here?”



“Working.”



“You…?” It took him a few moments before the fact that I was about to deal him weed set in. “S***. Does Jones know about this?”



“How much do you want?” I said, changing the subject.



“An O,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.



“100.”



He handed over the cash and I handed him the baggie. He then stood there.



“Do you need something else?” I asked, reluctantly.



“Jesus. I would have never guessed.”



“No one knows.”



“’Cept Mikey and Jeremy?”



I nodded. “Please. Don’t tell anyone.”



Zach thought for a moment. He stared straight at me with his deep blue eyes. If Arielle were here right she’d be fainting. She’d had a crush on him since…seventh grade?



“I won’t,” he said finally. “If…you give me head.”



“You’re disgusting,” I spat, rolling my eyes like Julie would.

"Just a make out. And I won’t tell a soul,” he said raising his eyebrows. "I promise."



I stared at him for a long moment. If it meant protecting Jones from the truth, then it wasn’t cheating right? I contemplated for a long time before I muttered, “Only because it would kill Jones.”



For the next five minutes I had Zach Hudson’s slimy tongue down my throat, his hands roaming my body. When he was finished, he whispered in my ear, “You’re so hot.”



I quickly untangled myself from him and walked over to lean against the trunk of the oak tree. Zach followed me and pulled a pen out of his pocket. He took off the cap with his disgusting mouth and took my hand, writing down his number.



“When you and Jones are done, give me a call,” he said with a wink before walking away. I wanted to scream, ‘F*** you!’ at him, but I knew that would just get me into more trouble. So I kept my mouth shut and watched his broad figure walk away, a confident bounce in his step that I came to know by heart over the next few months.

***



From then on, Zach only came to me. I was his booty call. Get some weed, make out with Isabel, then hit the road. Suddenly, his best friend Carl Hoffman started coming with him, and I would have to kiss Carl for a while.



By March, quite a few jocks would show up at my tree and threaten they would tell Jones if I didn’t give them a solid five minutes of lip lock.



Then, towards the end of March, I was getting ready to leave my tree. It was 10 at night and Mikey texted me saying that all the deals were done so he told me to meet him at his place so we could all split the money. I picked up my bag and was about to head to my car when I noticed a figure in the distance. The bounce in his step gave it all away.



“What do you want, Zach?” I asked, annoyed, as soon as he came in earshot.



“You,” he smirked, a creepy smile forming on his lips. In a second, he had me pushed up against the back of the oak tree, his hands trapping me in on either side. In an instant, I felt freezing cold and shivered.



“Get out of here, Zach,” I murmured and tried to push him away.



“Aw, come on, Isa,” he winked, and began to lean down towards me.



I tried to duck beneath his arms but he grabbed me, pinning me where I was. His face was inches from mine. I gave him a hard, cold look. “Get off me, Zach.”



“I just want to talk to you,” he murmured in a seductive voice. His breath reeked and I tried to hold back from gagging.



“About?” I said through gritted teeth.



“You and me. The way things have been going.”



I narrowed my eyes at him.



“I just think it’s time we took things to the next level.”



What was this? Some kind of relationship? “There is no next level,” I snapped.



“Oh really,” Zach said, raising his eyebrows, moving his lips a centimeter closer to mine. “Because last time I checked, there was. Unless of course, you wanted your little boyfriend finding out about me and all the other guys?”



My heart stopped. Not Jones. Dear God, not Jones. He couldn’t find out. Me selling would kill him, nonetheless knowing I was hooking up with guys to hide it from him.



My gaze was still hard on Zach’s blue eyes, but my tone was a little more forgiving. “And what is this next level exactly.”



Zach’s hands slowly moved to my waist, and his body was suddenly pressed up against mine. “Third base,” he whispered.



“No,” I said firmly, trying to struggle free of his grip.



He chuckled under his breath, knowing I was trapped, thinking it was funny he had complete control over me. It was funny that I was helpless. “How bad could it possibly be, Isa? I know you want me anyways,” he purred.



“Get off me,” I hissed.



Suddenly his dry lips were on mine, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth and down my throat. I screamed back in his mouth and kicked him as hard as I could. Suddenly I was free and I gasped in the cool air, panting. I looked at Zach, who had grabbed his shin in pain and then his eyes snapped up to me.



“You worthless little b****,” he sneered at me as I pressed my back into the safety of my tree. “I can’t wait for Jones to hear about this.” And with that he turned around and began to walk away.



Panic spread through my whole body. My lungs felt like they were collapsing. My knees felt stiff.



No. No. Jones could not find out.



“Wait,” I squeaked and ran after Zach. I grabbed his arm and turned him to face me. Then, biting my tongue hard, I ran my hands up his chest until they were in his hair and I kissed him as passionately as I could.

A satisfied moan escaped his lips and his dirty hands explored my body. I let him.

~~~



“You know, it’s too bad you’re still dating Jones,” Zach said as he zipped up his pants after he had finished. “I wouldn’t mind having a girl like you by my side all the time.”



I just stood there, my arms crossed over my chest, pushing back tears. I glared at him.



He smirked and let out a laugh, hitting my side playfully, like we were good old buddies or something. “Aw, lighten up, Isa.”



I stayed as still as I could, trying to block out everything. “Well, I gotta run. There’s a function going on at Carl’s house. Wanna come with me?”



I gave one simple shake of my head.



His laugh made my skin crawl. “Alright, alright. Well then I’ll see you next time,” he winked, and then held his arms out. When I didn’t move, he raised his eyebrows. “Don’t I get a kiss goodbye?”



Hadn’t I given him what he wanted? Why couldn’t he just leave already? Didn’t he see he had pushed me way too far? Helpless and tired, I walked over, gave him a quick peck on the lips and then instantly distanced myself from him. For Jones, I thought to myself.



When Zach finally bounced away, I curled up in a ball on the freezing grass and sobbed. The only thing I could think of over and over to calm me down was For Jones, For Jones, For Jones.



I quickly snapped out of my memory and wiped away the first tear that had slid down my cheek. I reminded myself I was in my bed, nowhere near Zach. He couldn’t hurt me now.



I looked at my phone and went through my contacts, stopping at Jones. All I wanted to do was call him, and explain everything like I had to Julie. Maybe he would understand?



I quickly snapped my phone shut. Who was I kidding? He would never forgive me. I had screwed up so bad. I was too far past the point of return.



I curled up as tightly as I could and began to cry, wrapping my arms around my chest. I imagined Jones in my arms, and slowly began to dream of him and me, together again. My eyes began to dry, and I slowly drifted off into dreamland, before everything went black.

I yawned as Ms. Shrick droned on and on and on. Day 2 and I was already sick of her voice.



I glanced around the room, noticing that Thomas was in this class as well. His head was on his desk, and he stared off into space with a glazed look in his eyes. I sighed, realizing how comfortable he looked and did the same. The cold wood felt nice on my cheek. From where my head lay, I had a direct line of vision with Arielle. She was staring at the board, chewing on her lip, nervously taking notes. I wondered if she was ever going to talk to me again.



The bell rang suddenly and I jumped out of my seat, hurrying out the door as Ms. Shrick kept talking for no goddamn reason. I headed to Government with Mr. Brown. He had a nasally voice, like someone who was permanently congested, and he often stuttered on words like “and” and “the”. Luckily no one in this class bothered me much either, so socially, my morning was pretty nice.



The only girl in my class whom I was somewhat skeptical of was Paris Jameson, but she was harmless unless she was with her best friend, Allegra George.



Allegra was your typical high school queen bee. Little miss popular, who thought she was the s***. She flirted and sought after any and every attractive guy. Her slutty reputation kept her popular among the boys, and allowed her to walk all over everyone.



When Jones and I started going out, she lived to make my life hell. She had never been with Jones, but he was always on the top of her hit list, and when I took him, she hated me. She was immature and childish about it: glaring at me in the hallways, tripping me, calling me names, starting stupid rumors. It was dumb and I finally called her out on it during sophomore year in gym class. It backfired, and I realized that when it comes to Allegra George, never fight fire with fire.



Paris was her little minion, but in all honesty, she was too dumb to say anything for herself. She just followed behind Allegra, looking pretty. So in Government, Paris didn’t even acknowledge me. She just played with her long blonde hair and texted all class.



Third period was when my day started to spiral down. I had Chemistry with Zach. This was the class I had been dreading all morning.



I was one of the first kids in Chemistry so I took a seat at my table. I watched the door, anxiously awaiting Zach’s arrival, praying that maybe like yesterday I could avoid him.



I was surprised when I saw a mop of red hair pass through the doorway. I could spot that firey head from anywhere.



“Jeremy?” I murmured.



He turned and saw me, his eyes lighting up. He quickly walked over and hugged me tightly. “Isa! It’s true, you’re back!”



“Where were you yesterday?”



He shrugged. “‘Sick’. Mikey and I decided to take the day off, extend summer one more day,” he said with a laugh.



“Typical,” I said accompanied by an eye roll.



He took the seat next to me. “I can’t believe you’re really back! Where did you go last year?”



“My parents sent me to a boarding school in New Jersey,” I explained.



“Damn, that sucks. I’m sorry.”



“It’s whatever. I’m back now.”



“Oh yeah. I’m sure you missed us a whole lot,” he said with a sarcastic wink.



“Well you know,” I played along. “Whitewood is my favorite place to be.”



Jeremy laughed. “God. I’ve missed you.” Suddenly he pulled out his phone. “Mikey is gonna freak!”



The bell rang and Ms. Doherty started class. I looked around the classroom and spotted Zach and Allegra sitting next to each other. Allegra was texting, but Zach was staring at me. Looking into his blue eyes again for the first time sent those awful shivers down my spine. I’d done such a good job of avoiding him yesterday. The worst part about it all was that I had next period with him as well, along with Carl. And to top it off, Nick Parker was in that class too.



I pulled my gaze away from Zach, trying not to think about fourth period, and turned back to Jeremy. He had followed my gaze to Zach and had seen our little exchange. He looked and me and shook his head, telling me ignore him.



Jeremy and Mikey knew that Zach gave me a hard time during sophomore year, but I never told them the extent of what Zach did. They just thought he taunted me and was his typical cocky self. But they also knew that Zach and Carl were the ones who ratted me out. I wondered if Mikey and Jeremy still kept the business going, and I wondered if they still sold to Zach and the popular crowd. A part of me wished they had stopped, to make a point that it wasn’t cool to rat me out like that. But at the same time, Zach and his friends were some of our main business. Losing them would take a huge toll on the daily income. Realistically, they probably still sold to them.



Chemistry droned on for a while. Allegra shot me a few glares throughout class and I caught Zach staring at me quite a few times. The bell finally rang and Jeremy and I stood up from our seats.



“Hey, do you think you could meet Mikey and I out in the parking lot after school? Mikey wants to talk to you.”



“Sure,” I said. “Sounds good.”



“Awesome,” Jeremy said with a smile. “See you then, Isa.”



We both went our separate ways as I headed towards fourth period Literature. Unexpectedly, I felt a body beside me, and a cool, familiar voice that made my whole body stiffen. “Hey, Isabel.”



I didn’t have to look at him to know it was Zach.



“Hello, Zachary.”



“Long time no see. Where’ve ya been?”



“Avoiding you.”



He chuckled and my mind flashed back to that night. The sound of his chuckling rang in my ear like a nightmare that would never go away. I shook my head, wanting to get it out. “Always so sassy.”

In an instant, he grabbed my wrist and pulled to the side of the hallway. I looked around and realized that most kids were already in their classes. We were going to be late. That also meant we were in the hallway. Alone. My heart pounded in my chest and I snatched my wrist away from his hot touch.



“I’ve missed you,” he purred.



I quickly started walking towards Literature again.



“Hey, what’s the rush?” he asked, grabbing for my arm again.



I hugged my limbs close to my chest and snapped, “Don’t touch me.”



“Look, Isa, I’m sorry the way things ended sophomore year. I didn’t mean to get caught—”



“You ratted me out!” I screamed and then realized we were at school and I couldn’t yell like that. I lowered my voice, “After all that I did for you…”



The bell rang. We were late.



“I know, and I’m sorry. I really am,” he murmured, but the look on his face wasn’t very sincere. “I’d really like to start over with you…or…where we left off,” he whispered, closing the space between us.



I pushed him away and began walking again. “You’re an asshole, Zach.



“And you’re a b****,” he said cheerfully, like that wasn’t an insult at all as he caught up to me. “Which is why we’re perfect together. Face it, Isa. We’re meant for each other.”



We had finally reached the door to our English classroom. I turned to him and gave him the finger before opening the door.



“Nice of you to join us, Ms. Scott, and Mr. Hudson,” Mr. Neal, our Lit teacher, said, jotting a note down on his clipboard.



“Sorry,” I muttered and quickly sat down in one of the two empty seats that happened to be next to each other. Zach took the seat next to me. Carl was in the seat next to Zach and they both began to whisper to each other as Mr. Neal began today’s lesson.



“Did you guys have a nice quickie in between classes?” Carl said with a satisfied smirk.



“Shove it up your ass, Carl,” I muttered under my breath.



“Isa’s still a little sore about sophomore year,” Zach explained, resting his hand on my thigh and squeezing it. “But she’ll be over it soon, won’t you, baby?”



I smacked his hand and he retreated it from my thigh. I opened my notebook and pretended to take notes to try to ignore the snide comments coming from Zach and Carl. I made a mental note to never sit next to them ever again.



I felt a gaze on me from across the room and looked over to see Nick’s eyes transfixed on me. When he noticed I saw him, he quickly turned back to his notes; embarrassed I had caught him staring. I stared at him for a little while long. He was an easy person to look at. He was handsome, that was for sure. Definitely more handsome than sophomore year. His acne had cleared up and his face was much thinner, with a stronger build. His shaggy brown hair swooped to the side. It was weird, looking at him presently after knowing him when we were young. He was such a mystery to me now.



I shook Nick out of my head and went back to the lesson. Zach and Carl didn’t bother me much as class went on. When the bell finally rang, I hurried out of class before Zach could catch up to me.



I headed out to the parking lot, ignoring the looks I received, and quickly got in my car. I exhaled the breath I realized I had been holding in for what seemed like was all morning. I relaxed into the safety of my own car and pulled my knees to my chest. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out and read the text message



To: Isabel



From: Julie



Come to my car!!



The last thing I wanted was to go socialize, but it would be rude if I didn’t respond or show up. So I reluctantly got back out of my car and walked down senior row to the recognizable white Lexus that I knew belonged to Julie. I noticed someone sitting in the passenger seat, so I hopped in the back.



“Hey,” I said as I got in. I looked up and saw the person in the passenger seat looking at me.



Arielle.



“Hey,” Julie said casually, like this wasn’t a big deal.



I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t move. Arielle and I sat there staring at each other like idiots. It was clear she was just as shocked to see me as I was to see her. Had Julie not informed her I was coming? Arielle finally looked away.



“Julie,” I heard Arielle whisper under her breath in an annoyed tone.



Julie ignored her. “How’s your day been, Isa?”



I opened my mouth to talk, but my voice was stuck in my throat. I coughed and then croaked, “Good.”



“Good. I’m glad it’s going better than yesterday,” she said with a sympathetic smile.



Silence. I noticed Julie nudged Arielle, but Ari just glared back at her. Julie gave her a look, and Ari sighed, turning around to me. “Hi.”



“Hi, Arielle. How are you?”



“Fine,” she muttered uninterested.



“How are you liking Ms. Shrick?” I asked, trying to get some sort of connection going again.



“She’s great actually,” she said, glaring at me. “Although she seems to hate you. I can’t say I really blame her though.”



“Ari…” Julie snapped quietly.



“I don’t blame her either,” I said, and Arielle looked at me again, her face flat but a hint of interest twinkling in her eyes. I opened the car door and said, “I should go. I’ll talk to you later, Julie. And…it was nice seeing you again, Arielle.”



“You don’t have to go—” Julie started.



“It’s fine,” I said, sharply cutting her off. “See you around,” I said, closing her car door behind me as I walked back to my own car.

~~~



When the last bell rang, I left Art and quickly headed out to the parking lot to find Mikey and Jeremy. I had been looking forward to it. Mikey and Jeremy had become such good friends of mine and I had so much to talk to them about.



I spotted them right outside the school front doors. Mikey smiled when he saw me and hurried over. He gave me a long hug and laughed as he said, “Baby Scott. It’s been too long.”



“Way too long,” I agreed with a laugh.



“Let’s catch up. Jeremy and I were about to head over to my place. Meet you there?” Mikey asked, raising his eyebrows, a hopeful look on his face.



“Sure,” I said with a nod and we all headed to our cars.



Mikey lived in a small house on the other side of town with his mom. His dad had left them before Mikey was even born. He hated talking about it. In fact, Jeremy has told me almost everything I know about Mikey’s past.



I parked outside of Mikey’s house. His and Jeremy’s cars were already there. I walked up to the door, knocked once, and then let myself in.



“Hello?” I called out.



“Hey, we’re in my room!” Mikey yelled to me.



I walked down the small hallway into Mikey’s tiny room. Jeremy was lying on his bed and Mikey was sitting casually in his swivel chair. I plopped down next to Jeremy on the bed. It felt so nice to be back in such a familiar place where I felt accepted. Even at home I felt out of place. I let out a long sigh.



“So. Talk to me. Where have you been?” Mikey asked.



I explained Higgins Boarding School to them and they laughed at how ridiculous it was. After I finished explaining, I asked them, “And how are you guys?”



“Good, good,” Jeremy said with a shrug. “Same old.”



“The business is doing well,” Mikey added.



“So it’s still going on,” I confirmed.



“Thanks to you,” Mikey said. “We still can’t believe you took all the blame when Zach and Carl ratted you out. I’m sure they asked you who else was involved.”



“Like I was gonna rat you guys out!” I said in disbelief. “That would be such a b**** move on my part."



They both laughed and Jeremy patted me on the back. “We’ve missed you, Scott.”



“Aw, I’ve missed you guys too,” I said with a smile as I punched Jeremy’s chest lightly.



“So, you were saying Higgins corrupted you?” Mikey asked, raising his eyebrows with a smirk.



I laughed and shrugged. “I guess you can say that.”



“But you smoke now?” Jeremy added on.



“Well yeah. I mean, I have no one to hide it from anymore…” I trailed off.



“F*** yeah! It’s about time!” Mikey said, pulling out a baggie and some paper from his desk.



I was guessing his mom wasn’t around. She knows about Mikey's business, and even though she’s not particularly fond of it, she knows nothing she says is going to stop him. So she just asks that he doesn’t smoke when she’s around and if he gets caught, she knows nothing. I wish my mom was like that…about everything.



Mikey gave the joint to me first. It had been almost a month since I’d smoked. I took a hit, sucking up all the smoke, inhaling, and then exhaling.



There was something about smoking. It was like I inhaled heaven and exhaled out all of my troubles. I sighed and a soft tingly sensation began running through my veins. I passed it on to Jeremy and thanked Mikey for the hit.



He just laughed. “Shut up, Isa. We owe you so much.”



I shook my head. “Nah. You’re exaggerating.”



Jeremy passed the joint to Mikey, blew out his smoke and then turned to me. “So. You gonna join us again?”



I laughed. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Jer.”



He nodded and shrugged. “I feel ya. It’s all good. We’ll still hang out though right?”



I nodded and giggled. “Definitely.”



“We’ll give you free dope. Maybe that will be our thank you.”



“You’re too kind,” I smirked.



We finished the joint and then sat around, laughing and talking. Catching up. It was nice to be with Mikey and Jeremy again. It was easy to get along with them and I finally felt like myself again.



“You know what’s funny,” Jeremy laughed. “Is the year you worked with us…you maybe only smoked with us, like, four times. How crazy is that?”



I lay down on Mikey’s bed, looking up at his plain ceiling. “I had a lot at stake.”



“I know,” Jeremy said, lying down next to me. “It’s just funny. You’ve changed.”



“Good or bad?” I asked.



“Definitely good,” Mikey said. “Not that you weren’t good before, but I’m really liking the Isabel I see.”



“Well good,” I said with a laugh. “‘Cause I’m liking her too.”

I was just getting ready for bed that night when my phone began to rang. I hurried over to my desk and looked at the caller ID.



INCOMING CALL: SARA



I sighed, deciding whether I should just let this one go to voicemail.



Sara is my older sister by three years. Throughout her whole life, she was always the one who got in trouble. She always had the wrong group of friends, the wrong boyfriend, the wrong grades, the wrong hobbies, and the wrong attitude. Her and my mom were like oil and vinegar. They fought all the time. The minute Sara could leave for college, she did, and she hasn’t come home since. Sara and Dad got along though, and they talk often.



When I got in trouble at the end of my sophomore year, it killed my mom. I was her perfect angel, and when she realized I was “taking the same path as Sara,” she freaked out, and was thrown into a nervous breakdown. She figured she had failed as a mother. I remember the conversation I had with Sara on the phone after I had gotten caught so distinctly.

***

It was the day after I had gotten caught. I thought about ignoring her call, but knew she would keep calling so I picked up.

“Hey,” I had said reluctantly.



“What the f*** were you thinking, Isabel?”



“Nice to talk to you to. How long has it been? Four months, six months, two years?”



“It’s been seven months,” Sara growled. “And we aren’t talking about me. Seriously, Isa, even I wasn’t stupid enough to deal.”



“I know. And that’s saying a lot.”



There was a long pause before Sara sighed. “You can really be a b**** sometimes, do you know that?”



“Yep,” I answered, popping the p.



“I’m serious right now, Isa. What’s going on? You were always the good kid.”



“Who told you about all this anyway?” I asked, changing the subject.



“Dad called me this morning. Told me you got in trouble. I was expecting something like ‘She got a B+…not an A’ so when he told me you had been dealing for almost a year, I flipped out.”



“Yeah…have you talked to Mom?”



“Hell no. You think I want to talk to her? How is she about all this, by the way.”



“Terrible. She cries non-stop. You’d think the sky was falling.”





“Her sky is falling, Isabel,” Sara murmured. “You’re the only piece of sky she has left.”

***



I stared at my phone now, wondering how this conversation would go. I pressed the Accept button.



“Hey, Sara.”



“Oh, hey. I didn’t think you would pick up.”



“Well, here I am,” I mumbled. “What’s up?”



“Nothing. I just thought I’d call and check in. Dad says you’re back from boarding school and back at Whitewood.”



“Yeah.”



“How’s that going?”



“Terribly.”



“Do you wish you were back at Higgins?”



“Hell no,” I said with a laugh. “Although I do miss not having to talk to Mom everyday.”



“So real,” she agreed.



“How’s junior year at Chico treating you?”



“It’s good,” she sighed. “The usual. I think I might come home for Thanksgiving break though.”



I stopped breathing. Sara hadn’t come home in three years. I think she had maybe talked to Mom on the phone three times tops, and that ended in a fight. “Really?” I blurted, unsure.



“Yeah. Dad really wants me to come home and I miss him. And I figured things are probably really tense at the house with you back and all, so I thought maybe I could come and distract Mom for a week. Take the pressure off of you so you can get a real break.”



“Jeez,” I muttered. “When did you become so nice?”



She laughed and I could hear her shrugging as she said, “I’ve learned a lot this past year. Running away from your problems doesn’t solve anything.”



“Who are you and what did you do with my sister?” I joked.



She laughed. “Shut up, Izzy. Anyway, I gotta get going. I’m going out tonight and I’ve got a s*** ton of homework to do. But I’ll talk to you later, kay?”



“Yeah. Okay. Have fun!”



“Yeah, you too. Hang in there. And call if you need anything, okay?”



“Okay, thank you, Sara.”



“Of course. Love you.”



“Love you too.”



As I snapped my phone shut, I had to shake my head a little. Now, that was weird.

I was sitting in Art class, bored as hell, attempting to sketch out my vision for our first project. Day 3 hadn’t been so bad. Allegra gave me a hard time in Chemistry, but Jeremy told her to f*** off, which was probably the highlight of my day. Zach sat next to me in Lit again and bothered me the whole class period with sexual jokes and dirty double meanings. Julie invited me to eat lunch with her again, but I declined figuring Arielle would be there too. So I spent lunch with Mikey and Jeremy in the back parking lot. There was a hidden alley between the back parking lot and the side of the main building that they sat in during lunch. A few kids came by to make deals and then left. It was nice, just sitting there with them. I never got pressure from either of them, which is surprising to most people. They were good guys though. They respected me.



I’d say Day 3 was a lot better than Day 2. That’s for sure.



My phone buzzed in my pocket and I set my pencil down, not that I was really doing any real sketching anyways.



To: Isabel


From: Brittany


Hey you how r u!?



Brittany Evans was my best friend and roommate at Higgins. Her parents sent her because she had been arrested on multiple occasions for all sorts of things. Much to her parents’ dismay, Higgins had no control over Brittany. At least once every few weekends, Brittany and I would find some way to sneak out to parties, get completely shattered, and then sneak back into Higgins. She was crazy and outgoing but there was a deep side of her that she only let few people see. I’d only seen her cry once, and that was the most painful cry I had ever seen. Holding her in my arms and she shook uncontrollably, sobbing. There are some people that just kill you when they cry. It’s like their body isn’t physically supposed to do that, and it feels like they’re dying and there’s nothing you can do. Brittany was that type of person.



To: Brittany


From: Isabel


Britt! Im ok how r u? Hows Higgins?



To: Isabel


From: Brittany
Ugh awful. Especially without u. Like no one wants to go out and party with me. Its terrible. Hows California? Do I need 2 beat anyone up?

To: Brittany
From: Isabel
Im sorry! I miss u soo much! Haha nah not yet. Although Zach is being an asshole. Just the usual…

Brittany knew about all of my friends here and my whole situation. She was probably the one person who I’ve told every single detail. It was easier to tell her because she didn’t know anyone here.

To: Isabel
From: Brittany
Hes such too desperate. Tell him to f*** himself hahaha. Anyways I have gooood news!

To: Brittany
From: Isabel
Hahah oh man I miss u…WHAT TELL ME!

To: Isabel
From: Brittany
For labor day weekend, my mom is sending me to see my aunt…

To: Brittany
From: Isabel
Wait…please tell me this is the aunt from san Francisco…!!!

To: Isabel
From: Brittany
YESSSS!



I almost started jumping up and down in my seat in Art class. No way! Brittany was coming to town in just a few weekends. This couldn’t have been more perfect.



To: Brittany


From: Isabel


AHHH YESSS!!! Dude were totally kicking it!



To: Isabel


From: Brittany
DUH. My aunt is hella chill too so I’ll probably be able to chill with u like all weekend!

To: Brittany
From: Isabel
U have no idea how happy I am right now. Call me tonight ok?

To: Brittany
From: Isabel
Yess for sure! Love u babe!

To: Brittany
From: Isabel
Xoxox love u!!

This was the best news I’d heard in a long time. Britt would be here in a few weekends and I already began counting down the days.

The bell finally rang and I headed out to the parking lot. As I walked towards my car, I noticed a group of boys crowding around a giant Escalade. I quickly noticed it was Jones’s group of friends. As I walked by, I noticed that most of them had stopped talking to look at me. Thomas called out to me, “Hey, Isabel.”

“Hey,” I said back, but my eyes locked with Jones. His look was icy cold, so I quickly looked down at my shoes as I kept walking. As I got further through the parking lot, another person called my name. I looked up to see Julie and Arielle leaning against Julie’s Lexus. Julie was waving but Arielle just stood there her arms crossed over her chest, a look very similar to Jones’ plastered on her face.

Julie waved me over and there was no way I could get out of this one. I made my way over, much to Arielle’s dismay.

“We missed you at lunch,” Julie said.

“Yeah, I had plans,” I mumbled.

“Little miss popular, are we?” Arielle’s eyes flared with annoyance.

Julie elbowed Arielle curtly. I bit my tongue to hold back everything I wanted to say to her. I did not want to have a fight with her in the middle of school parking lot, and I definitely didn’t want to add more to the fire. So I just began to walk away and murmured, “See you later, Julie.”

I quickly hurried to my car, officially done dealing with people for the day, when I realized a figure I knew too well was sitting one the hood of my car.

“Get off my car,” I snapped, opening my door to the driver’s side. In a second, Zach was off my hood, and had stepped in front of me, slamming the door shut. He leaned against the driver’s side, standing between me and my ride home. I glared at him. “I really don’t have any patience to deal with you right now.”

“Give me a ride home,” he insisted.

“I can’t,” I said, trying to move him away from my car. “I have…stuff to do.”

“You know you’re a terrible liar.”

I looked at him. “What do you want, Zach.”

“A ride home,” he said, throwing his hands up all innocently. “Pleeeaaasseee?”

“Get in the car and shut up,” I muttered.

A nasty smile formed on his lips as we both got in the car. I turned my key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking spot.

As I drove down through the parking lot, it seemed everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at me and Zach. I could already hear all the whispering and rumors that were about to start. As I drove by, Julie had a confused look on her face. Arielle’s mouth just hung open in disgust. I then passed by Jones’s group of friends. They all stared straight at Zach and I. A few of them had the same look as Julie. Some had the same look as Arielle. But Jones’s face was hard as stone, his eyes venomous. But I could tell by the way his lip twitched, he was hurt. And even though it killed me inside to know I was hurting him, it made me feel warm. He still cared about me. I had an effect on him. As I drove out of the parking lot, a tinge of happiness spread through my body. Maybe there was a chance after all.

Zach directed me to his house, which turned out to be only five minutes from mine. When I got to his house, I pulled into his driveway and sat there, waiting for him to get out. He took off his seat belt and then turned to look at me.

“Wanna come inside?”

“Nope,” I said, not even bothering to look at him.

He leaned over across the median. I could feel his deep blue eyes boring into the side of my face. “You know, no one’s home.”

“Get out of my car, Zach.”

He suddenly leaned over more and tried to press his lips against mine. I pushed him off. “Get out!”

“Aw, come on, Isa. For old time’s sake.”

“There is no ‘old times’, Zach,” I growled. “Get it through your thick head. I did what I did to protect Jones. Not because I had any interest in you. So for the last time, get out of my car!”

In a second, he was in my seat, on top of me, pushing me up against the window. I was pinned under his body. I lost control of my breathing, my lung gasping for air. “I find it hard to believe you had no interest in me,” he whispered huskily, kissing my jawbone.

“Zach, please,” I croaked, my voice sounding more helpless than it was supposed to. “Please. Just leave.”

He stopped kissing my jaw, and stared at me for a long time. I felt so uncomfortable as he looked at me, like he was trying to figure me out from a few inches away. Then, he was off of me and back in the passenger seat. He grabbed his backpack and hopped out of my car. He turned to look at me before closing the door. “I’ll give you some more time to think. You have my number. Call me whenever, babe,” he said with a wink before slamming the door shut and bouncing into his house.

I quickly pulled out of his driveway and slammed on the gas towards my house. I began to shake, still trying to breathe normally. I eventually had to pull over the car because my hands were trembling too much to drive safely. I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel and breathed in as deeply as I could.

Note to self: never give Zach a ride home ever again.

Mom adjusted the salad bowl she was carrying and used her free hand to knock on the familiar wooden door in front of us. We waited a few moments in silence until the soft patter of footsteps became louder and louder. Suddenly the door opened, revealing a tall woman with gorgeous blonde hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, her grey eyes dancing with excitement.



Her beautiful face became a blur and in an instant, she was hugging my mother and father, all of them greeting cheerfully as she welcomed them into her house. Their mouths were moving but I couldn’t hear a thing they were saying. My eyes were plastered on the familiar woman and all I wanted to do was feel her warm grasp around me.



“Isabel?”



My mind snapped back to reality and my eyes came into focus. My mother and father had gone inside and the blonde woman was standing across from me, looking at me expectantly with a warm smile on her face. She took a step towards me and placed her arms on my shoulders, examining me from a distance.



“You haven’t changed a bit,” she said, letting out a small chuckle. “Come here,” she said and pulled me into a huge embrace. I slipped my arms around her and pulled her closer, resting my head on her shoulder, breathing in her summery scent.



For the first time since I had been home, I felt like someone was finally happy to see me.



Finally we broke apart and she brought me back to examine me again at arm’s distance.



“God,” she murmured. “We missed you so much, Izzy.”



I felt a smile creep onto my lips. “I missed you too, Carrie.”



“Come on inside,” she said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and leading me into the house that I called my second home for so many years.



Carrie shut the door behind us once we were inside and I instinctually headed towards the living room. Lounging on the couch, watching TV, was a similar mop of blonde hair that I hadn’t been expecting to see.



“Cooper?” I asked, shock ringing through my voice.



His head snapped up and a pair of grey eyes met mine. A smile burst out onto his face, causing his eyes to crinkle at the corners. “Isabel!” He got up from where he was sitting and pulled me into a hug; very similar to one Carrie had given me.



“Oh my god!” I shrieked against his chest. “What are you doing here?”



He chuckled and stepped back, narrowing his eyes at me playfully. “What? You don’t want me here?”



I punched his arm and rolled my eyes. “I thought you’d be down at college.”



“Nah, school doesn’t start until mid September for me,” he said, plopping back down on the couch.



“Lucky bastard,” I muttered.



“Language!” Cooper shouted at me sarcastically. Before I could respond with some snide remark back, Cooper turned his gaze across the room. “Nick, aren’t you going to say hi?”



My eyes flashed to Nick, lazily draped in a reclining chair across the room. I hadn’t even noticed he had been there but clearly he had noticed me because his eyes were on me intently, studying me with a calculating look.



It took him a few moments before he grumbled out a “Hello, Isabel.”



Cooper rolled his eyes at his stubborn little brother before turning back to me. “So. How does it feel to be home?”



I shrugged, taking a seat next to Cooper on the sofa.



“You’re not getting too much s*** at school, I hope,” he asked, raising his eyebrows.



“Not really,” I lied, looking down at my hands. Nick made a snorting sound from across the room and Cooper and I both turned to look at him. He kept his gaze on the television, a distasteful smirk on his defined face.



I looked back at Cooper, who narrowed his eyes at me and crossed his arms. “Anyone I have to beat up?”



I faked a laugh, trying to lighten to situation and act like it was no big deal. “No, Cooper. I’m fine.” When his expression didn’t change, I added in a “really,” and he finally leaned back into the sofa, relaxing a little.



“Good,” he said, directing his attention back at the TV.



This was how it’s been with the Parker boys and I for as long as I can remember. Cooper was always the overprotective, caring brother that I never had, and Nick was the annoying brother I never wanted, but seemed to get stuck with nonetheless.



Tonight was just a continuation of Friday Night Tradition. At least once or twice a month on a Friday night, either the Parker’s would come over to my family’s house, or us over to the Parker’s for dinner. My parents and Tim and Carrie Parker had been friends long before Cooper, Sara, Nick or I were born. For as long as I can remember, we’ve been celebrating Friday Night Tradition.



Unexpectedly, the sound of nails clacked against the hardwood floor and I turned my head just as a yellow Labrador Retriever placed her lolling head into my lap, her tail banging against the side of the couch.



“Bailey!” I blurted, squealing as I hopped off the couch to rub my hands through her soft fur that I had missed so much. She grinned at me, her tongue slanting slightly out of the corner or her mouth as I leaned in and kissed her warm forehead. “God, I’ve missed you, girl.”



“Dinner!” Mom and Carrie called from the kitchen. Cooper, Nick, and I stood up and made our way to the kitchen, Bailey at our heels, knowing that it was dinner time and that meant one thing: scraps.

~~~



I discretely slipped a piece of steak under the table. Almost instantaneously, Bailey was licking at my fingers. I heard her teeth hungrily chomp down on the marinated skirt steak.



Dinner was weird. I felt so out of place, being back home and spending my Friday night eating dinner at the Parker’s house. Is this what it felt like to return home from college? There seemed nothing to talk about. I had missed so much in a year; it was hard to just jump back into the conversation like nothing had ever happened.



Carrie made small talk with me, asking how Higgins was and how I had been doing since. I was polite and told her it was a great learning experience.



The one person who hadn’t talked to me all night was Tim. He was a tall man, with short dark hair, exactly like Nick’s. In fact, Nick and Tim sitting next to each other was like seeing the same person, besides the fact that Nick got his mother’s grey eyes. Tim, rather, had beady dark brown eyes that never met mine the entire night. He was clearly uncomfortable throughout dinner, figeting with his utensils and constantly looking anywhere but me. Was he ashamed of me? Disappointment was clear, but was I really too disgusting to look at? Had I fucked up so bad that he could never see me the same way?



I glanced down at Bailey, who was staring up at me with a smile. Granted, she was begging for food, but it was nice to be smiled at. To know that someone still saw me for whom I really was. Someone still loved me no matter what, without judgment.



When I looked up from Bailey, my eyes met with Nick’s. He had been openly watching me, staring even, his face expressionless and unreadable. We looked at each other for a while until I finally broke away, not enjoying the awkward exchange taking place. When I looked back at him a moment later, he had turned away as well, talking to his mother.



“What’s going on at Liam’s?” Carrie asked, raising her eyebrows at Nick.



“Nothing,” Nick countered. “We just want to hang out.”



Cooper snorted next to Nick. “Right. Because guys definitely just hang out with each other on Friday nights.”



Nick elbowed Cooper as Carrie narrowed her eyes at Nick. “What’s really going on, Nick?”



Nick let out a long sigh, shooting a glare at Cooper before turning back to his mother. “Nothing, Mom, Liam’s just having some friends over.”



“Don’t lie to us, Nicholas,” Tim said, his voice booming deep within his chest. It was the first time I had heard him speak all night.



“Oh my god!” Nick defended with a sharp glare that I recognized. “I’m not lying. I’m going over to Liam’s house and he’s just having some good friends over and some girls. His parents are home. For Christ’s sake.”



“Alright,” Carrie replied, acting as unfazed as she could. “I was just making sure.”



Cooper stifled a laugh, clearly pleased with the ruckus he had caused before turning to me. “Isa, you should go with him.”



The room fell silent. Glasses stopped clinking, mouths stopped chewing. Even Bailey’s frequent pants from beneath the table halted. I felt Tim’s gaze boring into the side of my head and a wave of panic and anger set over me. Did they seriously think I was going to go and pick up my old habits in one night? Did they not believe in me enough to think that I had actually learned from my mistakes in the past year? I opened my mouth to quickly decline the invite and resume the pointless small talk.



“No.”



The voice was sharp, and even though my mouth was hanging open, I realized the voice hadn’t been my own, but was, in fact, my mother's. I whipped my head across the table to see my mother glaring at me. Her dark gaze sent a shiver over my body.



“Isabel is not going to be attending any parties for a while.”



My gaze dropped from hers. I couldn’t bear to see any more of the disappoint they held.



“Oh, it’s not a party,” Cooper informed my mother. God damn, why couldn’t he just keep his stupid mouth shut for a second? “I just thought it’d be nice for her to get out and catch up with some old friends.”



“You know, it’s really not that bad of an idea,” Carrie soothed, gently placing a hand on my mother’s shoulder. “Isa could probably use a casual night out with some friends. Nick’s friends are great—”



“That’s really okay,” I cut Carrie off before she could say anything more to upset my mother. “I’m really tired after this week. Adjusting and everything. I’m laying low for a while.”



Mom looked at me for a long while, but her gaze finally softened and she looked down at her plate.



“Of course,” Carrie said with a forced smile. “Whatever you need, Isa.”



Carrie said this to me, but for some reason I felt like it was directed at my mother.

~~~



“You dick,” I said, smacking Cooper on the back of the head. Nick, Cooper and I were doing the dishes after dinner, which had ended quickly after the exchange between my mother and I due to the awkwardness.



“What?” Cooper glared at me playfully, rubbing the back of his head where I hit him.



“Why did you say I should go with Nick? I’m trying to get on my mom’s good side, dumbass.”



“Language!” Cooper said, mimicking me by smacking me on the back of the head.



“Hey!”



“Would you both shut up and wash the dishes,” Nick grunted, shooting us his signature death glare. “I’m trying to get out of here. The faster we clean, the faster I leave.”



“In that case, I’ll clean as fast as I can,” I shot at him. Not going to lie, I was impressed with my wit.



Nick set a plate down so harshly I thought it would break. He snapped, “Why are you being such a b****?”



“Right,” I muttered. “I’m being the b****.”



“Would you both shut up and wash the dishes,” Cooper mimicked what his brother had said a minute before.



For the next few minutes none of us spoke a word. We got into a good rhythm of washing and drying. It would have put me in a trance had I not noticed the immense amount of anger radiating from Nick. He was really ticked off about something—or a lot of things—but to be honest, when was he ever in a good mood? Still, his energy put me off and I couldn’t seem to not flinch every time he handed me a dish to dry.



Finally, Cooper broke the tense silence. “So, who’s going to Liam’s house?”



“Just some friends,” Nick huffed.



“What about that girl you’ve been hooking up with?”



My ears perked up at this and it took all my will power to keep drying the plate in front of me and not look at Nick’s face. Who was he hooking up with? Oh, I wanted to hear this.



“We haven’t been hooking up.” Nick’s tone was annoyed and clipped and I could tell he was glaring at his brother.



Cooper scoffed. “Yeah. All right. Whatever you say, dude. What’s her name, again? Ali…?”



“Allegra,” Nick mumbled under his breath.



My head snapped up. I couldn’t control myself anymore. “Allegra George?” I blurted.



Nick looked at me. I searched his face for any sort of emotion or expression, but he was blank. “Yeah,” he responded after a few moments.



“Oh.”



“Is that a problem?” His voice was back to its usual grunt.



“No,” I said, surprising myself with how strong my voice sounded. She’s just the biggest b**** at Whitewood, I thought inside, but didn’t dare say it out loud. Nick already hated me enough. Besides, he could hook up with whomever he wanted. I didn’t care. Why should I?



They might be good for each other actually. They’re both complete asses.



“How about you, Isa? Any guys in your life?” Cooper asked, waggling his eyebrows at me and nudging me in the side.



I narrowed my eyes at him. “Wanna get smacked in the back of the head again?”



He just laughed and casually put his arm around my shoulders. “Aw, touchy subject?”



“F*** you.”



“Language!”



“Aren’t you hooking up with Zach?” Nick spat.



I swung my head from Cooper to Nick, immediately flaring with anger. Nick was staring at the plate he was cleaning, refusing to look at me. I laughed, trying to act like the comment hadn’t bothered me or punched me in the gut, but the laugh came out rough and strained.



“What? Is that what everyone is saying now?”



“Yeah,” he grumbled.



“Well, we aren’t,” I grumbled back.



Nick scoffed. “Sure.”



I glared at him. “What?”



“Deny it all you want,” Nick said, drying off the last plate and stacking it on top of all the other clean dishware. “But everyone knows the truth.”



“And when has gossip ever been correct?” I shot back.



He finally looked at me, a death glare so sharp I almost flinched and looked away. But instead I forced myself to stand my ground. “Oh, this isn’t gossip,” he murmured. He then leaned down next to my ear so Cooper couldn’t hear. “And even if it was, I think you’d be surprised how often gossip about you…is correct.”



With that he turned on his heel and stalked out of the kitchen. He yelled at his mom that he was going to Liam’s and then the door slammed shut, nearly shaking the whole house.



“I swear to God, sometimes I think he’s a girl who’s always on the rag,” Cooper commented.



I would have laughed, but my mind was on something else completely. I was stone cold. What else did Nick know about my past?



What else did everyone know about my past?

Tick.



Tick.



Tick.



You know what’s the worst? The class before lunch. You’re hungry, ready for a break, and already overwhelmed from your morning classes. Of course, my class before lunch was English Lit, with my favorite three people. Carl, Zach, and Nick. Seriously, my schedule was the worst.



The thing was though, I wasn’t just begging for class to get out so I could go to lunch. No, for once, I had to go out of my way to talk to Zach. I was initiating the conversation. It was not a happy topic either.



I had to get to the bottom on this whole situation between us. I had to talk to him about what happened in our past and how that wasn’t going to affect our future—my future. I also wanted to find out what he’s been telling people; because for some reason, my gut was telling me he was the source of all the rumors and gossip. I wonder why.



The bell sounded and the class hurried out of the room, excited and relieved it was finally lunchtime. I got out of my seat and followed the tall, blonde figure into the hallway.



“Zach!” I called out once we were in the bustling hallways of Whitewood.



He spun around quickly, causing a few girls walking behind him to run into him. He brushed them aside, making eye contact with me, a small smirk forming on his lips. Carl, who had been walking beside him, stopped as well and murmured something to him that I couldn’t make out.



“Go on,” Zach said to Carl. “I’ll catch up with you later.”



Carl turned and walked away as Zach began to weave his way through the crowd towards me. Suddenly, someone ran into my shoulder roughly, and I looked up, my gaze catching onto a pair of grey eyes. Nick glared at me, glancing at Zach, then back at me, before striding around the corner and out of sight. Zach had caught sight of Nick as well, watching him until he disappeared, before turning back to me.



“Hey,” Zach said, altering his voice to make it sound velvety and attractive as he leaned against some dirty lockers. He was unreasonably close to me and I quickly took a hesitant step back from him to create some distance.



“I have to talk to you,” I managed to say, trying to keep my voice sounding stern.



“About?” He raised his eyebrows.



“A lot of things.”



“Isa,” he started in a seductive voice, reaching his arm out to touch me but I took a step farther back.



“No,” I snapped, louder than I wanted to. It was then that I realized that lots of other kids casually walking down the hall had stopped to watch Zach and I. I turned back to him. “Not here. Can we meet after school? Somewhere more private?”



The words flew out of my mouth and I immediately regretted them. Judging by the way Zach’s eyes flared in excitement and arousal, I had clearly given him the wrong message. Before I could do any damage control, Zach took a step, closing the distance between us and smirked down at me, his blue eyes dancing.

“Of course,” he purred. “My house. After school.” He leaned down so his mouth was next to my ear. I didn’t dare move a muscle. His hot breath laced my ear as he whispered, “See you there.”

He gave me a quick wink before turning and walking away.

Well. That backfired.

~~~

“What do you think you’re doing?” I sighed.

Zach was at my car, leaning against the driver’s door so I couldn’t get in. “Getting a ride,” he said like it was completely casual, but I knew he was aware that he was bothering me by the way his eyes flickered with amusement.

“Don’t you have any friends that could give you a ride?” Of course he did.

Zach caught onto my sarcasm and smirked. “Well I just thought, since we’re both going to the same place after all, why not ride together?”

He had a valid point and even though I told myself I would never give him a ride home ever again, I had already dug myself a much bigger hole. I was going inside his house. The car ride, at this point, was the least of my worries. Besides, if I couldn’t survive a car ride with him, how was I supposed to survive being inside his house?

I sighed and met his gaze. “Get in the car.”

But he didn’t move from my door. He stood there, grinning stupidly, and then held out his hand. “I’ll drive.”

You’ve got to be kidding.

I shot him my nastiest look and attempted to brush him aside. “Don’t push it, Hudson,” I growled.

He laughed lightly and stepped out of my way, snaking around to the passenger side. “One day, Scotty. One day.”

That’ll be the day I die, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes, sliding into my car.

This was such a bad idea. Rolling out of the parking lot with Zach in the passenger seat had been just as bad as it had been the other day. We got full on stares and glares from everyone in visible distance. I realized that any rumors of Zach and I hooking up had just been confirmed as officially credible by the student body. When I passed by Nick and his friends on the way out, I couldn’t help but stare back at their wondering eyes.

Liam wasn’t his cheerful self. He just leaned against the back of his car and watched Zach and I proceed by. A few of their other friends who I half recognized were either smiling—making jokes, I’m sure—or watching intently as well. But Nick’s eyes were right on mine, watching my every move and expression. I saw him shake his head slightly at me, his glare never fading. I was the first to break our gaze, turning my head back to the road and speeding off before I could encounter anyone else.

~~~

“Want a soda or something?” Zach asked as he raided his own refrigerator.

“No thanks,” I responded as I carefully settled myself into one of the chair’s at his kitchen table.

Zach’s house was nice.

No. That was an understatement. It was really nice. Like one of those modern houses you see displayed in magazines on coffee tables. Every inch of the house seemed to have been planned out, color coordinated, and organized down to every speck of dust. I felt like if I touched anything it would shatter into a million pieces, leaving the whole house in a state of disarray.

I felt a small pang in my chest for Zach though. As crazy as it sounds. This house didn’t feel livable. It was far from cozy and I couldn’t imagine living here. It was so big, and empty. Every word seemed to echo against the cold, sharp walls.

It was a house, not a home. And I wondered if Zach ever felt lonely.

“Nice house.”

“Thanks.” Zach plunked himself in the chair next to mine and cracked open a can of Coca Cola, taking a long sip before setting it down on the glass kitchen table.

“We have to talk,” I started, stupidly. I knew everything I wanted to talk to Zach about, but now that I was finally here, I had no idea where to begin or how I was going to go about this.

Zach gave me a smug smile. “We’re talking now, aren’t we?”

I ignored his response and fumbled for the right words. “It’s about…us.”

“I like the sound of this,” he purred, leaning in towards me a little.

I rolled my eyes and placed my hand on his chest, pushing him back into the crevasse of his chair. “Not ‘us’. What happened between us, rather. And what happened while I was gone.”

Zach raised an eyebrow at me, leaning back in his chair casually. This was the first time I had openly, out loud addressed and admitted the many "exchanges"—if you will—that took place between Zach and I. Clearly, Zach was just aware of this as I was.

“Isabel Scott, actually admitting that we hooked up? What has the world come to?” he mused with a smirk.

I gave him a look that told him I was serious, and he sighed. His seductive act slipped off his face and for the first time in a long time I saw the real Zach Hudson. Not the player attitude he put on at school, not the daunting, sexy smile that made girls swoon. Just his pure self. Looking at me with a blank expression. “Alright. Let’s talk.”

In all honesty, I was caught off guard. I hadn’t expected him to give in so easily. I had prepared for the worst, meaning that he wouldn’t give up trying to seduce me, and I would have to flee his house with no answers to my questions.

I took in a shaky breath, and let out a sigh. “Okay. During sophomore year, when…”

“When we were hooking up,” he offered.

“Right. When we were hooking up…who…exactly…who did you tell?”

I was starting to seriously question if I could speak like a normal human being.

He shrugged his shoulders, like we were talking about what we were having for dinner. “I told my best friends, so basically the whole boys basketball team.”

I raked my mind. Sophomore boys’ basketball team. Zach, Carl, all the douches Zach hangs out with, Liam, and of course, Nick.

I continued, “Okay. What about after everyone had found out about my secret? Right after I got sent away. Who knew?”

Zach thought for a moment before responding. “I think some of the basketball guys told some other people, but I don’t really know who. I know though that throughout junior year, while you were gone, there were rumors going around about whether or not you had cheated on Jones. A lot of people didn’t believe it. Not until last week.”

“What happened last week?” I questioned, leaning towards him in anticipation.

“You really haven’t heard?” Zach asked incredulously.

“I don’t really have a lot of friends to tell me about all the recent gossip,” I murmured.

“Right.” Zach looked uncomfortable.

I began to get impatient. “Dumbass, tell me about last week!”

“Oh! You gave me a ride home,” he stated simply, which another casual shoulder shrug.

“What?”

“You gave me a ride home. A lot of people think that means we’re hooking up. And somehow that was proof for a lot of people that the rumors were true about you cheating on Jones. With me.”

I sighed, closing me eyes and gently massaging my temples. “Why is gossip so fucked up?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, ‘what do you mean’? How does driving someone home equal to hooking up equal to cheating on someone from nearly two years ago?”

Zach laughed and took a long sip of his Coke. Finally he swallowed and his gaze rested on mine. “Can I ask you a question now?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I muttered, trying to process the answers I’d just received.

“Why’d you do it?”

In an instant, my eyes focused in on Zach’s. This was the last question I had been expecting from him, yet it seemed to be one that everyone was asking me lately. I tried to act relaxed and indifferent to his inquiry. “Long story.”

He scoffed and raised his eyebrows. “That’s what everyone says. Seriously, Isa.”

S***. “Um, there were a lot of reasons.”

He leaned forward, staring intently into my eyes and I shifted in my seat, feeling instantly confined and claustrophobic. He searched every inch of me for an answer but—to my relief—seemed to find nothing. “Why did you do it?” he pried.

I finally snapped. “And why should I tell you? What the f*** do I owe you, Zachary?”

My tone caught him off guard and he rested back into his chair. His usual game face appeared again and I internally groaned. Zach Hudson, Mr. Popular Manwhore, was back. “I think you owe me quite a bit, actually.”

“Oh really?” I wanted to hear this.

“Oh yeah,” he purred. “I mean, you teased me all sophomore year and then just disappeared for junior year. That’s a low blow, Isa. Stringing a guy along and then leaving without even a kiss goodbye.”

“You teased yourself,” I spat. “I didn’t do anything.”

He laughed haughtily. “Blame it on everyone else. Typical, Isabel.”

I stood up and leaned closer to him, suppressing the desire to smack that stupid smirk off his face. “You don’t know a fucking thing about me.”

Before I could step back, his hand was on the back of my head as he crashed his lips against mine. It happened too fast to process what was going on, but as he tried to deepen the kiss, my senses reacted and I felt like gagging. He tasted awful. The way his hand cradling my head was awkward and unnatural. It all felt so wrong. It felt exactly the same way it had felt every time I saw his figure bouncing towards me, standing there hopeless with my back pressed against my oak tree.

I used all my strength and pushed him off of me before raising my hand.

A cracking sound was heard followed by my palm throbbing a little from the contact. Zach’s head was turned and his cheek started to swell a rosy pink color where I had slapped him.

“I’m not your little toy anymore,” I spat at him. I grabbed my keys from off the table before looking back at him. He was cupping his hand to his injured cheek but the smile on his face and the way his eyes danced in amusement made my stomach drop. As usual, he was hardly fazed.

“Don’t fucking touch me. Ever again,” I seethed before sprinting out of his house, wondering to myself how ten minutes before I had actually felt sympathy towards Zach Hudson for perhaps being lonely.

There was nothing I prayed for more than to see that asshole miserable, and alone.

“Isa?” his voice rang through the receiver of my cell phone, which was pressed to my ear as I pressed on the gas pedal. My beat up Land Rover sputtered slowly to life as I sped away from Zach’s house.



“Are you home?” I asked quickly while merging lanes and nearly hitting another car. They honked and I could hear them screaming at me out their window.



“Uh, yeah. Are you okay?” Mikey asked.



“I’ll be there in a few,” I said and snapped my phone shut before he could answer.



After about five minutes of reckless driving, I pulled into Mikey’s driveway and let myself into his small house, bounding down the hallway and through his door.



Mikey was on his bed, lounging around, while Jeremy was sitting in the swivel chair next to the desk, searching for a good song on his iPod.



They both looked up as I stood in the threshold of the doorway and in a second, Mikey was in front of me.



“Isa, what’s going on? Are you okay?” he took a step towards me to try and comfort me, but I instinctually took a step back. I was still freaked out from Zach’s house and the idea of someone touching me gave me uneasy shivers.



I didn’t know how to respond to his questions. I didn’t know what I was feeling. All I knew was what I wanted. And that’s why I had come here.



“I need to smoke,” I murmured.



My statement caught them both off guard. In all the times we had worked together, never was I the one to ask to smoke. The only times I ever smoked was when I would take a hit or two off their session. I was never the one to initiate it.



Jeremy leaned forward on his chair. “You—”



Mikey cut him off, still keeping his gaze on me. “Just pack a bowl, Jer.”



Jeremy flinched a little at Mikey’s curt tone but quickly scurried to grab a baggie off of Mikey’s desk and a pipe from his bag.



Mikey jerked his head towards his bed as he walked over and plopped himself down on it so he was facing Jeremy. I followed him but lay down, sprawling out on his comfortable quilt.



I stared up at the ceiling as we sat in silence until Jeremy stood up and handed me the pipe.



“Thanks,” I whispered and hoisted myself into a sitting position.



Mikey handed me a lighter from his pocket and I grabbed it before swiftly lighting the pipe. I inhaled quickly, letting the hot smoke fill up my mouth and spill over into my lungs. It burned my throat and the pain soothed me as I inhaled again before blowing out all the smoke.



Just like that, my anxiety began to subside. The hot smoke seemed to course through my veins, leaving my body feeling numb and at peace. My emotions and analytical thoughts rushed away in retreating waves.



I handed the pipe to Mikey but he shook his head and pushed it back towards me. “Nah. This one is for you, Isa.”



“But—” I started.



Jeremy cut me off. “Take it. You need it more than we do.”



I hesitantly put the pipe back to my mouth and lit it again. The smoke bubbled inside me, making me feel surprisingly calm and giddy at the same time. It went on rhythmically like this, until I had smoked the whole bowl by myself, leaving the green plant charcoaled and cashed.



Jeremy took the pipe from me finally and cleaned it out, before beginning to repack the bowl, probably for himself and Mikey.



I let out a deep sigh, my lungs burning with soreness from the sizzling smoke. I scooted back and propped my back up against the headboard of Mikey’s bed, relaxing into it.



Mikey did the same and turned to look at me with a genuine smile on his face and his eyebrows raised. “Feel better?”



I nodded. “Yeah.”



The room fell into silence again and the only sound was Jeremy crushing and packing.



“Thank you,” I muttered quietly.



“For?” Mikey asked.



“The weed,” I said and smiled at him.



He shrugged and laughed. “It’s the least we can do for you, Isa.”



The substance had now really settled in. I could feel the effects as I giggled a little and became slightly lightheaded.



I tossed the lighter to Jeremy and he lit up his pipe once more, breathing in and blowing out the smoke. He passed it on to Mikey before turning to me. “So. You gonna tell us what’s bothering you?”



“Why would you think there’s something bothering me?” I played dumb.



Mikey coughed on his smoke as he blew out and turned to me. “In all my years of knowing you, never have you once said that you need to smoke. I know that feeling. And I know that most of the time, I feel that way because something is bothering me.”



“Especially you. You barely smoke. Plus, we can read you like an open book,” Jeremy said with a cocky smirk as he retrieved the pipe from Mikey.



I sighed, letting my eyes flutter closed as I enjoyed the state I was in. The bed felt so much more comfortable than before. Everything seemed warm and safe. Mikey placed his hand on my leg and I opened my eyes again slowly, turning to look at him.



He looked worried; his gaze watched me carefully and his forehead wrinkled a bit. I smiled and tapped his forehead. “Stop worrying about me. You’re getting wrinkles,” I giggled.



He relaxed and a smile slipped onto his face. “And you’re high.”



“High as the skyyyy,” Jeremy sang.



I threw my head back in laughter. “Higher than the sky-er,” I sang along.



“Sky-er isn’t a word, you idiot,” Mikey said, slapping me on my leg.



I narrowed my eyes at him, in mock anger. “Well, in my world it is, Fell-er.” I giggled at my own joke and Mikey rolled his eyes.



“Isabel. Talk to us.”



His tone was serious and I stopped laughing. “It’s nothing,” I muttered but the way Mikey looked at me told me that there was no way I was getting out of explaining myself. “Zach was just being his usual dick self.”



“What did he do this time,” Jeremy said, suddenly standing up, looking frustrated.



“It’s nothing,” I said quickly, trying to calm him down. “I just went over to his house to talk to him and—”



“You went over to his house?!” Mikey shrieked incredulously.



“I had to talk to him about something,” I justified.



“You should know better than to be with him in a private place, Isabel,” Jeremy scolded, a hint of worry in his voice.



“I know,” I murmured.



Silence enveloped the room again until Mikey asked me slowly and cautiously, “He hasn’t tried anything on you…right?”



“No,” I lied quickly, hoping they hadn’t heard my voice falter. When their faces didn’t change, I kept reassuring, “I just freaked out because we were talking about the past and everything that had happened and it…just…reminded me of a lot.”



Finally Jeremy nodded and took his seat again and Mikey relaxed beside me. I breathed a small sigh of relief as they fell for my lie.



I’m not as open of a book as you think I am, Jeremy, I thought in my head.



We quickly changed the subject and moved on to a different topic: this weekend.



“What are your plans for Labor Day weekend?” Jeremy asked me.



“My best friend from Higgins is coming in town,” I said, smiling at the idea. I was so excited for Brittany to come in.



“Oh yeah?” Mikey waggled his eyebrows. “Is she hot?”



“She’s gorgeous,” I confirmed. “But don’t get too excited now, Michael. She’s way out of your league,” I teased and playfully elbowed him.



“You are so mean!” Mikey yelled, trying to be angry but failing miserably. A wide smile appeared on his lips and I laughed at him for failing. He joined in with me, and we playfully attacked each other until he finally pushed me off his bed and I flopped onto the ground.



“Victory is mine!” I heard Mikey shriek triumphantly. Jeremy was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe as he pointed to me, sprawled out on the ground pretending to play dead with my tongue lolling out. Suddenly, Mikey was leaning over the edge of his bed to peer down at me.



“I hate you,” I groaned as his smile widened. “Help me up, would you?”



“Nah,” Mikey said, disappeared back onto the bed.



I sighed and got up on my own before narrowing my eyes at Mikey, who was casually reclining on his bed. I threw myself on top of him, straddling him and pinned his arms above his head. “Hah! Who’s winning now?”



His face was shocked at first and then he smiled mischievously at me and wiggled his hips a little. “I like this position,” he said and winked sarcastically.



I rolled my eyes and got off him. “Alright, Perv, you win.”



“No, no, I lose, get back on top of me,” he whined.



I laughed, rolling my eyes. “You’re such a baby.”



Mikey sat up on his elbows. “You suck.”



I blew him a kiss sarcastically. “You love meh.”



He pretended to grab my kiss and proceeded to throw it back at me. “Take your stupid kiss. I don’t want it.”



“Get a room,” Jeremy muttered, rolling his eyes at both of us.



“Awwww, Jerrrrrr,” I cooed. “Do you feel left out?”



He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re annoying when you’re really high, did you know that?”



“Hey!” I huffed, crossing my arms. “Well…you’re dumb when you’re really high. Did you know that? Huh?”



“Children these days,” Jeremy shook his head sadly, before smirking at me.



“I’m outta here. You guys suck,” I muttered, getting to my feet.



“That’s your job!” Mikey called to me as I started to leave the room.



“Oh, f*** you!” I hollered back.



“Wait! Isa!” Jeremy yelled, and I poked my head back into Mikey’s room. “Don’t go, we’re sorry!”



I laughed. “Nah, it’s okay. I have to head out anyway. My mom will be wondering where I am. I’ll see you guys tomorrow though.”



They said their goodbyes as I sauntered out of Mikey’s house in complete bliss, feeling so grateful for my boys and the illegal substance running through my bloodstream.

I stared at the clock, anxiously tapping my pencil.



“Big plans for this weekend, Isabel?”



My eyes snapped away from the clock and to Ms. Wolfe, my art teacher, who was staring at me with her eyebrows raised and a playful smile on her rotund face. She was a nice woman. Kind of crazy, but nice.



I stopped tapping my pencil and attempted a smile. “I guess.”



That was a lie. I did have big plans for this weekend. Brittany had already texted me saying she had landed and I was dying to see her. Not only that, but I had talked to Liam earlier in the week, and he invited me to his party tonight. I told him my best friend from Higgins was coming and that seemed to perk his interest.



Anyone remotely new caught the guys at Whitewood High’s attention. I think, in all honesty, they were sick of the same girls that they’d been with for four plus years now.



Either way, I was excited to party with Britt again. It had been too long, and we had all sorts of crazy drinking rituals I was looking forward to reuniting with. She was my other half for all of last year, and part of what made me so miserable in these first two weeks of school was being without her. We got each other.



“An old friend is coming into town,” I continued to inform Ms. Wolfe.



“Ah, how lovely!” she said with a smile. The bell suddenly rang. “Well, enjoy your first three day weekend!”



“Thanks, Ms. Wolfe,” I said, gathering my books and rushing out of class and towards my car. I made sure that I didn’t bump into anyone so I could get out of school as fast as possible.



I rushed home, succeeding in avoiding anyone who would stop me.



“Isabel?” my mother called as I entered the house.



“Yeah!” I yelled as I ran up the stairs to my room.



I riffled through my closet and picked up a few dresses and tons of clothes for the party tonight. I stuffed them in a bag along with some makeup, my wallet, and my keys.



Mom suddenly appeared in my doorway. “So you’re going to Brittany’s house for the night?”



“Yeah, her aunt’s house,” I replied, trying not to sound annoyed that this was the one hundredth time my mother was talking to me about this. I had told her very clearly what my plans were, but she insisted we go over them every second she got the chance.



My mom thought Brittany was an angel. I had told her that Britt was sent to Higgins because she got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time and her parents were ridiculous and paranoid and sent her away. My mom thought that this was awful and sympathized with my made-up best friend. I convinced my mom that Brittany helped turn my life back on the right tracks and so my mother was glad when she found out that I was seeing Brittany again.



Meet my mother, the most ignorant, naïve person you will ever meet.



Still though, she was a little skeptical about the whole thing. She didn’t fully trust me yet. “Call me when you get there, okay?” Mom insisted.



“Yeah, okay,” I muttered, grabbing a few more things around my room.



“So what are you guys going to do?” she asked, but much to my surprise, there was no suspicion in her voice. She sounded genuinely curious.



I shrugged. “Probably just watch some movies, hang out, and catch up. It’s been so long.”



“Of course,” Mom replied with a small smile. “Well don’t hesitate to invite her over sometime while she’s in town. I’d love to meet her.”



“Yeah, okay,” I said. “I got to go. She’s expecting me, but I’ll call you.”



I rushed by my mom and headed out the door as she called. “Okay! Bye! Have fun!”



“Yeah, bye,” I muttered and slammed the door shut behind me before racing to my car.

~~~



I pulled up outside a small, quaint house about thirty minutes from where I lived, deep in the thick of San Francisco. I paralleled parked on the street and got out my bag before rushing up the staircase to the front door. I knocked eagerly and waited.



The sound of footsteps was heard before the door burst open, revealing that tanned, blonde face I knew all too well.



“ISA!” she shrieked and threw her tiny body at me.



I grabbed her and my arms wrapped around her. “OH MY GOD!”



Her flowery scent hit me as she pulled away and squealed before hugging me again. “I’ve missed you so much!”

I laughed. “You too, Britt!”

She finally pulled away and ushered me into her aunt’s house. “Come on, we’ve got to get ready!”

Just as Brittany was tugging me down the hallway, a voice stopped us.

“You must be Isabel!”

Brittany and I turned around to face a short woman with short, light hair and pale eyes. “Yes,” I replied politely and wriggled from Brittany’s grasp to shake her hand. “You must be Brittany’s aunt.”

“Sheila,” she corrected me with a smile.

“Nice to meet you, Sheila.”

“The pleasure is all mine. Brittany has told me so much about you!”

I laughed and looked at Brittany and she shook her head and grabbed my arm. “Okay, Aunt Sheila, I’m going to go pack my things and then we’re going over to Isa’s house.”

“Right. Do I need to speak to your mother, Isabel?”

“No,” I said quickly, and then recovered. “I mean, she’s totally cool with it.”

“Wonderful,” Sheila smiled and retreated to the kitchen.

Once we were safely in the guest room Brittany was staying in, we began to talk about everything as Brittany picked out what she was going to wear for the night.

“I’m so excited to finally party with you again,” Brittany sighed. “None of the girls at Higgins will sneak out with me. It’s awful. And I don’t want to go by myself!”

“You can’t go out by yourself,” I commanded her. “It’s too dangerous.”

“I know,” she whined and pouted out her lip. “Please come back!”

“I wish,” I assured her.

Part of me did wish to go back to Higgins with Brittany and leave everything here behind. But I hated Higgins while I was there. The other girls were awful and stuck up. The teachers treated us like dog s*** on the bottom of their shoes. Maybe Whitewood sucked, but it couldn’t be worse than Higgins.

Brittany huffed, clearly upset, before shaking her head. “No. We’re going to have an amazing time tonight. Nothing is going to bring us down. Got it?”

I smirked at her. “Let’s do this.”

She pumped her fist in the air. “My second half is back! So who’s house are we going to?”

“My friend, Liam’s. He’s super hot. I think you two would hit it off,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows.

Brittany shrugged. “Maybe. And what about you in the boy world? How’s Jones?”

The sound of his name made my heart swell. I had tried my best to block Jones from my mind during the last week, and had somewhat succeeded. I avoided him at school at all costs. Hearing his name caught me off guard and I felt myself replaying our first talk since I got home.

Brittany must have noticed my reaction because she looked at me with a worried face and asked, “Not good, I take it?”

“Not really,” I muttered. “He found out that all the rumors of me cheating on him during sophomore year were true.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” Britt said, dropping all the dresses she was holding and hugging me tightly. “And how is Zach?”

“Still trying to get in my pants,” I sneered and rolled my eyes before proceeding to tell her my most recent exchanges with Zach Hudson. She reacted appropriately with “oohs and ahhs”, exaggerated gasps, and cries of disgust.

“What a jackass,” she finally concluded when I finished explaining what had happened at his house last Monday. “How’s family life?”

I rolled my eyes. “Mom still hates me. But she thinks you’re the greatest influence ever and is super psyched I’m seeing you.”

Brittany laughed harshly. “Little does she know,” she sang.

“Seriously,” I laughed with her.

“Okay, so!” Brittany turned to me. “Let’s get ready here and then we’ll go to the party?”

“Perfect,” I said, grabbing my bag and we both began our typical routine before going out.

~~~



When we had finally finished, Brittany and I stood side-by-side facing the mirror.



“Daayyuumm,” Britt catcalled. “Just like good old times.”



I glanced at myself in the mirror. I did look pretty good. I was wearing a navy blue skin-tight dress (most likely the sluttiest thing I own) that barely covered my butt. I had paired it with silver accented jewelry and black pumps. I wore smoky eye shadow, making my hazel eyes pop. My hair was in its natural state; dark waves that cascaded past my shoulder to the middle of my back.



I looked over at Brittany. She was wearing a dress identical to mine, but in classic red color.



We had bought them when we both went to downtown Newark for a Saturday. Brittany fell in love with them, but claimed she would only get it if I got one too, so “we could match like twins when we go out!” I finally gave in because she started begging on her knees, tearing up in the middle of the store causing other customers to turn and stare with annoyed or worried faces.



Brittany had straightened her long blonde hair and had slipped on a pair of red strappy heels to go with her red dress. She wore gold jewelry, matching her gold eye shadow.



This was our go-to look. We often wore this when we went out, because like Brittany said, it made us look like twins-ish. She called us the ‘classy duo’.



‘More like the slutty duo,’ I would joke and she would roll her eyes.



“I gotta admit, we look pretty good,” I commented now.



“We always look good.” Brittany raised her chin confidently.



“The classy duo is back eh?” I quipped.



“Thank God! It’s about time,” she said, stuffing some stuff into her overnight bag. “And what happened to the ‘slutty duo’?”



I laughed. “They appear after about…two to three drinks,” I informed her.



“Oh right,” she laughed, rolling her eyes.



The time read 7:39. The party didn’t start well until 9, but Brittany wanted to get out of her aunt’s house anyways. So we threw on a pair of sweatpants over our dresses and wrapped a jacket around our shoulders. This way, Sheila would never suspect that we were actually going out to a party instead of going to my house. Brittany and I did this all the time at Higgins, so that way just in case we did get caught, we would say we were just going for a walk.



“Bye, Aunt Sheila, I’ll see you tomorrow!” Britt called out and Sheila appeared from the kitchen.



“Bye girls! Have fun! It was nice meeting you, Isabel!”



“You too, Sheila!” I called as Britt slammed the front door shut.



“Finally! Home free!” she called as she sprinted towards my car. I laughed and followed her and we both hopped in.



“Nice ride,” Brittany commented sarcastically as she settled into the passenger seat.



“Shut up. At least I have a car and a license,” I shot back playfully. I knew my ’97 Land Rover wasn’t the nicest one in the car park, but hey, it was something.



“Alright, alright,” she gave in with a smirk. “So where to?”



“Grab a bite and then we’ll head over to Liam’s?”



“Sounds good to me.”



Brittany cranked the music as I drove back across the Golden Gate and into my hometown. I pulled up at the best burger place in town, Pearls Phat Burgers, and we both got mini burgers and sat at a booth, continuing to catch up.



It was so easy to hang out with Brittany. There was never any drama or unneeded stress. This shocked a lot of people on the outside. Most people take one look at Brittany and jump to the conclusion that she’s a stuck up, girly girl with zero personality and the constant desire for male attention. Granted, she liked partying and hooking up with guys, but she was far from stuck up. Occasionally she was girly, but not bad, drama-craving girly. Just a normal girl. In all honesty, I think people jumped to these conclusions because of jealousy. Brittany Evans looked perfect; perfect body, hair, eyes. Even a perfect laugh. She was a living, breathing Barbie doll and who wouldn’t envy that? But people didn’t give her enough credit for her smarts, her wit, and her casual, laidback view of things.



After we sat and killed time at Pearls, it was finally around 9 o’clock.



“I’m soooo fucking pumped for this!” Brittany said, bouncing in the passenger seat as we drove towards Liam’s house. “We haven’t partied in so long!”



I felt my stomach starting to knot a little in excitement. “Real talk,” I agreed, stupidly bouncing a little too.



I finally pulled onto Liam’s street. There were already cars everywhere so I parked farther down from his house. Britt and I stripped off our excess sweatpants and hopped out of the car.



“Let’s do this!” Brittany chanted, hooking her arm with mine as we walked towards Liam’s.



“Goal of the night: to have fun.”



“That’s always our goal!”



“Yeah, but tonight especially!”



“Whitewood High meet the classy duo!” Brittany laughed.



“Soon to be the slutty duo,” I chimed in as we reached Liam’s doorstep. Music was pumping loudly inside and the smell of alcohol was thick in the September air.



I opened the door and saw that the house was half full of people. More people would be showing up in the next half hour or so, I figured.



“Welcome to a Whitewood party,” I said to Brittany over the music.



“Let’s see how you West Coast kids do it!”



Liam suddenly appeared in front of us, a red cup in his hand. “Isabel!” he screamed and hugged me tightly. He seemed a little tipsy so far.



I quickly hugged him back. “Liam! How are you?”



“Awesome, you?”



“Good! Thanks for inviting us.” I glanced over at Brittany. “Liam, I want you to meet my best friend from Higgins. Brittany. Brittany, this is Liam.”



Liam’s eyes glazed over as he blatantly stared at Brittany. I swear I heard him mutter a ‘holy s***’ under his breath.

Brittany looked him over too, and smiled at him seductively before offering her hand. “Nice to meet you, Liam.

Liam quickly shook his head and plastered on his famous lopsided grin, while flicking his gorgeous blonde hair out of his eyes. He took her hand and shook it. “The pleasure is all mine, Brittany.”





Brittany glanced over at me, widening her eyes and nodding. She clearly approved of my idea of them getting together. I suppressed a laugh as they both stared at each other, still shaking hands.



“Alright, lovebirds!” I muttered sarcastically. “Let’s go see the rest of the party, Britt. We’ll talk to you later, Liam!”



Liam snapped out of it again and smiled at me. “Yeah! I’ll definitely catch up with you guys later,” he said, smiling at Brittany as I pulled her away towards the kitchen.



“Damn, Isa!” Brittany said, once Liam was out of earshot. “He is hot! Why haven’t you gotten with him?”



I shrugged. “He’s just a good friend. He’s super sweet though.”



“Definitely my type,” she murmured.



I smiled at her as we entered the kitchen, which contained a counter covered in all sorts of alcohol. “Now, it’s time to get drunk!”

~~~



“Three, two, one!”



Brittany and I hooked our arms around each other, and tossed back our third vodka shot of the night.



We slammed the shot glasses down on the counter and grinned at each other. Unlike the first two shots, I was able to swallow the alcohol without making a sour face and feeling my stomach churn uneasily.



“Again,” Brittany said, lunging for the handle of vodka, but I snatched it up before she could reach it.



“Maybe we should wait a while,” I suggested. “We’ve had three in the past five minutes and you know what happens when we go too hard too fast.”



She rolled her eyes but let out a sigh in agreement, knowing I was right.



“No upchucking tonight,” I warned her. “We’re supposed to have fun.”



She narrowed her amused, blue eyes at me. “You make it sound like I want to throw up.”



“At the rate you’re going…” I gestured to the vodka bottle and raised my eyebrows at her. She gave me a displeased look and slapped my shoulder playfully.



“Hey!”



Brittany and I turned around to see a group of guys huddled together on the other side of the kitchen, staring at us. After studying their faces, I recognized them to be football players.



“Why don’t you girls do some body shots?” one of them called with a lustful look in his eye.



“In your dreams!” I hollered back and leaned against the counter, placing a hand on my jutted out hip. “See, we like to keep it classy.”



“Or at least wait until we’re drunk!” Brittany winked flirtatiously, tossing her straight blonde hair wistfully over he shoulder.



“Oh yeah,” another one of taunted called and I had trouble making out his face. “Isabel knows all about keeping things classy, don’t you, Isabel?”



My breath caught in my throat and my mouth went dry. I tried to keep my face as blank and expressionless as possible, but the feeling of alcohol was starting to sink in and I could feel my emotions beginning to heighten. I spotted the guy who had spoken, and with a quick glance over I realized I had no idea who he was. He obviously knew who I was though.



Or, at least, he knew my reputation.



“Hey, f*** off!” Brittany sneered. Her angelic tone from a few moments before was now hard and menacing. I almost flinched at how harsh she sounded. I saw some of the guys jump a little too, surprised at how quickly Brittany changed. “Isa’s the classiest girl I know, and if you can’t see that then you clearly don’t know her well enough to make any ignorant, bigoted judgments.”



Brittany turned back to me, grabbed my hand and began to pull me out of the kitchen. I had to suppress my laughter as I briefly looked at the football players’ faces. Clearly they were surprised by Brittany, and probably shocked that she even knew that the word bigoted existed.



She’s not as dumb as she looks, assholes, I thought and I felt a small smile creep onto my face as we began to leave the kitchen. But my smile quickly disappeared when another football player called out.



“Hey, Isa! How much for a bag of weed? And is the blowjob free?”



Brittany pulled me out of the kitchen with one final tug and into the living room, which was now much more packed with people. The sound of electronic music filled my ears but it was almost like I couldn’t hear them.



And is the blowjob free?



Brittany placed her hands on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye. Her mouth started moving but I couldn’t hear her over the loud music and the football player’s voice in my head.



I just slowly nodded my head to Brittany’s concerned yet determined face, as her lips kept moving without words.



And is the blowjob free?



It didn’t matter that I couldn’t hear Brittany. Because no matter what she said, it didn’t change the fact that at the end of the day, everything the stranger said was true.

“Isa! This is our favorite song!” Brittany squealed, pushing her vodka and coke into Liam’s shocked hands. She stalked over to where I was sitting on the couch, trying to recover from the incident in the kitchen, and grabbed me, pulling me upright.

Deadly On A Mission Remix by Alex Metric. Just hearing the opening notes brought back so many memories from junior year. All the parties…Brittany and I living it up, going crazy…it was all so good then. And it was times like these, after what had happened in the kitchen, which made me want to go back to Higgins with Brittany.

But I knew that wasn’t possible. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do.

You can only run from your problems for so long.



I struggled against her grip. “I don’t know, Britt, I’m not really in the mood,” I murmured over our song.



She let go of my arm, and a flash of hurt crossed her eyes. The look quickly diminished though, and was replaced with determination.



“Remind me, Isabel. What was our goal of the night?”



I sighed. “To have fun.”



“And who is bringing us down?”



“No one.”



She smiled at me. “Good answers.”



“I studied,” I shot back, and I couldn’t help myself from grinning at her perfectly happy face.



“Alright, nerd, let’s dance!”



Brittany dragged me past Liam to the dance floor. And after a few minutes of self-conscious dancing, I let go of everything that had been on my mind.



Jones.



Arielle.



Allegra.



Mom.



Zach.



Nick.



I put everything into my dance moves. Alcohol coursed through me like it belonged there. I forgot people were watching me. I completely lost myself with Brittany in our song.



It was just like old times.

~~~



“Damn, Isa, I didn’t know you had those moves!” Liam smirked at me, handing the vodka coke back to a panting Brittany, as he slipped a hand around her waist. She smiled at him, clearly not minding his motive, and thirstily slurped on her drink like it was water.



“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, William,” I beamed, calling him by his full name.



He rolled his eyes at me as I excused myself to grab myself another drink from the kitchen. I began to walk away but a small, delicate hand belonging to no one other than Brittany grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to face them.



She raised her eyebrows. “Having fun yet, Isa?”



I smiled and moved closer to her, to murmur a quiet, “Thank you.”



She recognized the sincerity in my voice and rubbed my shoulder, before pushing me towards the kitchen lightly, and turning back around to flirt with Liam.



With her back turned, I made an obscene gesture at Liam, explaining to him without words to ‘get it in’ tonight and I could see him holding back a wide grin as he tried to focus on whatever Brittany was saying.



I finally headed towards the kitchen and was relieved to find the football players’ had left the scene. Letting out a thankful breath, I made my way towards the counter compiling all the various liquors. I stood there for a while, my eyes crossing all the different bottles, trying to decide which would be my next victim.



I finally grabbed a shot glass and a bottle of vodka, deciding it was best not to mix alcohols if I didn’t have to. As I began filling up the shot glass, a familiar voice made me flinch, and for a moment I prayed I had been hearing things.



“So, it’s true after all. Innocent little Isabel actually drinks,” he murmured sarcastically, his voice velvety and seductive.



I pushed aside my annoyance and tried not to let him have an effect on me as I set the bottle down and turned to meet his piercing blue eyes and stupid smirk. “What do you want, Zach?”



He opened his mouth and I immediately regretted giving him that easy of a target. “Don’t answer that,” I blurted quickly, right as he said, “You.”



I narrowed my eyes at him, and huffed, “Leave me alone, Zach.”



“Why such a harsh tone?” he asked, moving closer to me.



I stood my ground. “You know why.”



He stared at me, and then it all seemed to click. Yeah right. Like he’d actually forgotten about what had happened last Monday. “Still a little sore from earlier this week I see.”



“How do you always manage to make everything sound sexual?”



He smirked. “It’s a hidden talent.”



“I wouldn’t call it ‘hidden’. You’re not that mysterious.”



He chuckled quietly, his breath on my ear. I shivered and all I wanted to do is push him away, but I blamed and thanked the alcohol for giving me the courage to stay where I was, to convince him that I was stronger than his stupid, alluring tactics. “Is that so? Please, go on. Tell me more about myself.”



I could think of a couple hundred thousand adjectives to explain my thoughts on Zach Hudson. But instead, I held my tongue and placed my hand on his chest, lightly pushing him away from me a little. “I’m not playing your idiotic games.” I gritted my teeth, our eyes connecting. I attempted to turn around, but he grabbed my arm and made me face him.



“Good. I’m getting sick of those games myself. So why don’t we spice it up a bit. Make it a competition.”



My eyes turned to slits. What scheme did he conjure up this time? “A competition?”



His amused face grinned widely as he reached around him and grabbed two double shot glasses off the counter and set them down in between the two of us.



I swallowed the lump in my throat. Granted, I have had my fair share of double shots, but it had been a while and it wasn’t exactly the type of thing you could just whip out of your experience inventory. It took recent practice.



“A competition,” he confirmed. “Whoever can finish the double shot the fastest, wins.”



“Have fun playing by yourself,” I told him and began to walk away.



“Scared?” he called and I stopped walking but didn’t turn to face him. The sound of his voice traveled to my ears. “I would be too. I mean, of course you’ll choke under me. You always do.”



Walk away, Isabel.



I turned around and walked back towards him.



He’s not worth it. You don’t owe him anything!



I stood right up in front of him and I hoped he was intimidated by my glare, even though his face remained unfazed and completely entertained. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “And I always win.”



“Fill them up,” I snapped at him, my glare not faltering as he winked at me and filled the two double shots full with vodka to the brim. He kept one in his hand and passed the other to me.



I took it from his grasp and held it in front of me, taking a small step towards Zach. “I don’t think you still fully understand, Hudson. The Isabel a year ago may have choked. But the one this year? She doesn’t go down without a fight.”



“We’ll see about that,” he said to me, taking a step back away before raising his double shot and raising his eyebrows at me.



I leveled my shot glass with his and we both counted down.



“Three.”



“Two.”



“One.”



Our glasses clinked before I threw the alcohol down my throat. It kept coming and for a second, I felt myself crushing under the immense amount of liquid. I quickly recovered and slammed my glass down on the counter at the exact same moment Zach did.



“Tie,” he said, an impressed look on his defined face.



“Rematch,” I responded. My glare didn’t leave his annoyingly amused eyes until I had to refill the shot glasses.



We both took hold of our glasses and raised them again.



“Three.”



Deep breath.



“Two.”



I’ve got this.



“One.”



Clink.



This time there was no stopping me. I had my eye on the prize. My drinking process didn’t falter once and when I slammed my glass down on the counter, I realized Zach’s followed a second later.



It started in the pit of my stomach, until my whole body tingled and a huge smile spread across my face. I jumped up and down.



“I win!” I screamed in his face and he grabbed my hands to keep them from flailing around.



“Only because I let you,” Zach shrugged.



I narrowed my eyes at him, but the smile stayed on my face. “You’re too much of an egotistical asshole to actually let someone beat you.”



“Fine. Rematch,” he said.



“No!” I giggled, gripping tightly onto his hands. “No more shots for me,” I said, watching as the world morphed around me, the dizziness settling in.



He finally smiled and moved closer to me. “Okay then. Let’s dance.”



Before I could respond or object, he led me to the dance floor and we made our way through the growing crowd. He quickly placed his hands on my hips as he invaded my personal space, beginning to move his body in sync with mine.



My mind was screaming at me to stop. I was drunk and getting drunker by the second and I had this awful feeling in my gut that this wasn’t going to end well. But the alcohol in my blood was far too strong for clear decision-making. And so I felt my arms wrap around his neck and pull him towards me a little, letting our bodies fall into a steady rhythm together.



Still a little hesitant, I found myself looking around the room for Brittany, just so I could reassure myself that I wasn’t alone and that she could be there if I needed her. I finally spotted two bleach blondes locking lips, and immediately recognized that red dress. Brittany. And Liam.



Finally, I thought.



I was about to turn back to Zach, when my eyes ran across something I hadn’t seen before. Another pair of bodies across the room, standing incredibly close to each other, whispering and flirting in each other’s ears. Flirtatious hands running across one another’s skin.



Nick and Allegra.



So they were hooking up.



That b****.



Something raged deep inside me and I roughly faced Zach, my fingernails digging into his neck as I began to grind against him, my mind completely lost, the sound of music pouring through my ears.



“God damn, Isa,” Zach purred huskily in my ear. “You look so hot tonight.”



My whole body was on fire. Alive. I was going crazy and at that point I didn’t care who I was dancing with—even Zach Hudson. I flung my hair back and forth as we both continued to grind on each other, his hands roaming my body as my fingernails squeezed his neck, back and chest. I couldn’t fully make it out, but I thought I heard a few of Zach’s friends hollering and whistling at us.



After what seemed like hours of dancing, Zach began to move his lips towards mine. I quickly panicked and spun around so my back was against his chest. I reassured him by wrapping his arms around my waist and we began to dance like that, his husky breath panting in my ear. I leaned against him and we didn’t last much longer until Zach leaned down and whispered, “Let’s go somewhere more private.”



“What?” I yelled over the music, but I suddenly felt his hand around my waist and my feet moving beneath me. The lights flashed above us as we walked, and the whole world became a giant blur as I leaned against Zach for support as he walked me.



When I finally regained my vision, the music sounded farther away and the lights had stopped flashing. I looked around to notice we were in a dimly lit hallway—probably upstairs somewhere—filled with doorways to other rooms. Zach and I were still walking when something inside me made me suddnely stop walking.



“Come on, Isa,” Zach’s velvet voice murmured in my ear as he tried to get me to start walking towards a bedroom door again.



“No,” I said suddenly, refusing my feet to move.



Everything that had just happened downstairs flooded my memory and I felt my breath coming lighter as panic set in.



What have I done?



They say there are certain times when you get so scared that no matter how drunk you are, you suddenly feel sober again.



This was one of those times.



I need to get out of here. Now.



“Isabel,” Zach purred, a slight hint of impatience in his tone.



“Stop it,” I said as he attempted to move me again.



“Baby,” he whispered, leaning close to me but I pushed him away.



“Get off me,” I slurred and when he released his grip on me, the whole world started to go dizzy again.



No. No. Stay scared. Stay sober. Get out. FOCUS.



I heard him sigh and then his hands grabbed me and he moved me with such force that I was somewhat helpless against his grip.



“Let me go!” I shrieked and struggled against him, looking around for someone, anyone nearby.



There was no one.



We were alone.



No. No.



I faintly saw the doorway to a bedroom looming ahead in my vision and I screamed, struggling harder against his grip. I heard him groan in frustration as he pushed me up against the wall, pinning my arms there.



I let out a small sigh of relief, knowing that we weren’t in the dark room yet.



Get out. Focus.



I began to struggle against him, but I was completely powerless pinned up against the wall.



“God dammit, Isabel. You always have to be such a b**** whenever things finally start going well.” His breath encased my face and my stomach became a tight knot. I felt his lips on my neck and I let out another helpless scream.



“Stop! Please! Zach, please!” I tried to sound strong, but my voice was nothing but pleading.



“I love when you beg for me,” he chuckled ruthlessly. “But please, shut up.”



I opened my mouth to scream again and he took the opportunity, attacking my lips with his own, shoving his tongue down my throat. I screamed against him and tried to struggle but it was useless. My body began to ache from the pressure against the wall.



A shiver went up my spine as I felt his cold hand on the inside of my thigh. He bit my lips and licked every inch of my mouth as his hand slowly started to rise, until it was under my dress.



No. No.



I screamed in his mouth again and strived to get out of his grip but failed yet again until his hand rested on the fabric of my underwear.



“Stop!” I heard myself screaming inside his nauseating mouth. “Please!”



My eyes snapped shut as his hand kept going.



“HEY!”



And then, I was free. His lips were torn from mine, his hands disappeared from my body, and I collapsed against the wall, sliding down to the ground. The strength in my knees had vanished, along with my dignity.



The sound of knuckles hitting flesh rang through the air and a second later the ground beneath me vibrated. I looked over to see Zach, on the ground—my level—his hands clutching his face as he groaned in pain, a long stream of colorful words spewing from his mouth.



“Don’t ever fucking touch her again!”



I recognized the voice but my mind became fuzzy again and I was lost. I felt a pair of hands grabbed me and I shrieked, frightened it was Zach again. I struggled out of the grasp causing myself to collapse back to the floor.



“Isabel. It’s me.” The voice was calm and reassuring. Not Zach.



I knew that voice.



I raised my face to stare up at a pair of metallic grey eyes, flashing with so many emotions I couldn’t keep track of.



Nick.

“What the f***, Isabel?” Nick finally turned to face me after pacing for what seemed like hours.



I pulled my knees to my chest as a warm September breeze brushed strands of my dark hair behind my shoulders.



It had all been a somewhat of a blur since Nick had punched Zach. I remember Nick helping me to my feet and supporting my weight as he helped me back down the stairs, leaving Zach groaning on the floor. He led me through the raging party still going on, ignoring his friends calling after him, and out the door onto the back porch.



He had sat me down on the staircase leading from the porch to the rest of the backyard, before pacing back and forth in front of me, running his fingers through his thick hair.



I also vaguely remember Allegra running up to Nick. It was too blurry and the music was too loud for me to hear what she was saying, but I definitely remembered hearing Nick utter a, “Leave me alone, Allegra,” before brushing past her with his strong arm hooked around my waist as my feet stumbled beneath me.



I wanted to smile at the fact that he had chosen me over Allegra, but with the way Nick was looking at me now, there was no way I could do that.



I was used to Nick’s signature glare. It was always the same: a simple, fiery glare in his grey eyes while the rest of his face stayed completely emotionless and unreadable. The look he gave me now though, was nothing like his signature glare. It was much different.



It scared me.



He was staring straight at me, his face a pale white, and his fists were clenched so tightly at his sides that I thought his knuckles might burst out of the thin skin. His jaw ticked with anger and his forehead crinkled while his enraged metallic eyes glinted in the moonlight.



I quickly dropped my gaze to my bare knees. The look on his face was one hundred times worse than being yelled at.



“Can we not talk about this right now?” I murmured.



“No,” he snapped, his voice raw with irritation. “We’re talking about this. Right. Now.”



I swallowed the lump in my throat and met his gaze again, flinching at his terrifying sight.



When I didn’t say anything, he sighed in annoyance. “What the f*** were you thinking, Isabel?” he barked.



I chewed on the inside of my lip, pushing back tears. “I wasn’t—”



“Exactly,” he cut me off harshly. “You weren’t. You weren’t thinking. You weren’t thinking at all.”



I dropped my gaze again. All I wanted to do was run or cry or do something. Anything. Just not this. I winced when his voice rang through my ears again.



“You weren’t thinking about the consequences of putting on that slutty dress, getting s***-faced, and then grinding your ass all up on a guy!” he sneered, his voice raising with every word. “And not just any guy! Fucking Zach Hudson, of all people, for God’s sake! God dammit, Isabel, I’m sick of this. I’m sick of you prancing around like you can do whatever the f*** you want and everyone else will just pick up your trash. I was having a great time until I had to fucking babysit you!”



“I didn’t ask you to babysit me!” I blurted.



His eyes went black and a dark look crossed his furious face. When he spoke again, his voice was quieter, but still intense, harsh, and in an excruciating way, sarcastic. “Right, because you had that whole situation totally under control. Seriously, excuse me for interfering. I didn’t think you wanted to be up there with Zach but I see I was clearly mistaken. By all means, I’d be happy to take you back up to him. I’m sure he’d be delighted for the rest of the night.”



That wasn’t what I had meant, but my heart was pounding and my mind was spinning so fast I couldn’t possibly make sense of anything, nevertheless defend myself. I opened my mouth multiple times only just to find myself closing it again, helpless.



When I finally looked at Nick, deciding that there was nothing left I could possibly say, I noticed that his face had turned from its wrathful phase back to its signature glare. His fists were still clenched tightly, but he had gained back a bit of his control.



“I didn’t believe them,” he finally said, his voice still ticking in vexation. “All the rumors about you. ‘Slut, whore, skank, b****’…I didn’t believe them for one second. I thought it was immature gossip and you deserved the benefit of the doubt. I thought you were better than what everyone said about you.”



I let out a shaky breath of air, realizing I had been holding my breath as he took a step closer to me until he was right in front of me, his eyes boring into mine.



“I also thought I knew you. But now, I know I was an idiot to think that.”



My breath caught in my throat and I felt the sudden urge to cough until I threw up everything inside me. My vision became blurry as I blinked back the tears threatening to spill over.



“I don’t know you,” he whispered, his harsh voice slicing the tense air between us. “I don’t want to get to know you. Because they were right. You’re exactly the person everyone says you are.”



And then he brushed past me, leaving me on the stairs as his footsteps slowly became softer and softer, until I was left alone in the moonlight.



I pressed my forehead against my knees just as the tears began to spill over, my chest heaving. It felt like I had finally caught my breath for the first time tonight since I had started talking to Zach.



All I could think was how dumb I had been. Why hadn’t I thanked him for saving me? Why did I always have to seem so ungrateful for everything that people offered me? It was like I was afraid to let other people help me.



I looked at the full moon, feeling the rays reflect on my face, probably making my tears glitter in the dark. It was so big up in the sky. All alone. There were no other moons around for it to talk to, no other moons to keep it company. I began to wonder if the moon got lonely, sitting up there in the night sky…all by itself. At least, the stars had friends. Did they rub their popularity in the moon’s face? Did they isolate the moon and make it feel like an outcast?



I suddenly found myself slapping my forehead. I blamed my incredulous thoughts on the alcohol, but even I knew the truth.

I’m definitely going crazy.

Suddenly, a new wound opened and tears began to pour from my eyes again like a constant waterfall, washing away each layer of skin until I my face was raw with no shield to protect me.

I am crazy. Stupid crazy. Nick was right. I knew better than to dance with Zach like that. I was completely one hundred percent asking for what happened in the hallway. And I deserved everything that was about to happen if we had continued. It was all my doing. I shuddered at the fact that I had let myself get so out of control around Zach. I knew better. But why did it seem like every time in my life, even when I knew what I was doing was horribly wrong, I did it anyway.

Why couldn’t I get my s*** together?

I quickly wiped away the new tears as my mind trailed off again—this time to Nick. The fact that he came to rescue me meant that he had seen Zach and I…and that means he was watching me. Why was he watching me when I had seen him all over Allegra? Did he really just happen to glance over and see Zach pulling me upstairs…or had he been watching us for a while?

Still, the real question was why he had a problem with me. What had happened at the beginning of freshmen year to make him go from being one of my best friends to hating me?

Slut, whore, skank, b****…

Nick’s words rang through my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut. Plenty of times I’ve heard these words come out of people’s mouths to describe me. My good friends, my worst enemies, even strangers used these words to define who I was.

But when the person who’s known you the longest, the friend who you shared every childhood memory with, openly tells you they believe it too, it brings a whole different significance to the words.

The worst part was, he wasn’t just the person describing who I was sophomore year. He was describing who I am now. Currently.

Me.

Maybe it was time to accept it. Maybe its time to accept that a washed up slut, a cheating b****…is all I’ll ever be anyone anymore. Because if my oldest friend can’t see past it, then who will?

I awoke to the soft sound of talking and morning light pouring through a nearby window. I sat up, all to quickly, and groaned, pressing a hand to my throbbing head.


For second, I sat there confused and panicked, wondering where I was and why I had fallen asleep on a couch and not in my bed. But, after scouring the trashed living room, I reminded myself that Liam’s party was last night.


How had I gotten here? Why did my body feel so disgusting and empty? Where’s Brittany? Where’s Liam? What time is it?


Stop Isabel, I scolded myself and took a deep breath, massaging my temples as a revolting feeling thrived in the pit of my stomach.


Trying to recall the events of the night before, I realized I had a difficult time piecing it all together.


“Shit,” I muttered under my breath. “Think, Isabel.”


Okay. Brittany and I arrived at the party and took some shots. Then we danced with Liam. Then I left Liam and Brittany and went to get more drinks. Then…Zach.


I swore quietly again, all the pain of last night sinking in. The exchange between Zach and I…followed closely by the exchange between Nick and I.


Suddenly, last night went from being a blur to crystal clear. All up until after Nick had left and gone back inside. I remember going back inside a while later and going straight for the kitchen, pouring myself multiple shots. From then on, it’s all black.


My heart sped up. It had been a long time since I had blacked out. And judging by how I was acting before I blacked out, I was frightened to find out what I had done after.


“I’ll ask Brittany,” I assured myself. But that feeling quickly faded when I remembered seeing Liam and Brittany hooking up on the dance floor, which meant one thing.


She was not looking out for me the rest of the night. I was on my own.


“Oh God,” I whispered, dragging my hands across my face.


“Hey! Look who’s alive!”


My head snapped behind me to see Brittany now coming out of the kitchen door wearing nothing but an extra large men’s t-shirt—I deduced to be Liam’s—that hung to just about her knee. Her hair was a little messy and she cradled a mug in her hand, most likely containing her drug of choice—more widely known as coffee.


She calls it a guilty pleasure.


I call it an addiction.


Liam suddenly appeared next to her, wearing no shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He hugged her from behind and she smiled at him as she leaned her back against his bare chest. Liam smirked at me. “How’re you feeling?”


I groaned.


“You had a pretty rough night, kiddo,” Liam pointed out to me.


“Well, it’d be nice if I could remember all of it,” I grumbled quietly. I don’t think either of them heard me because they were staring into each other’s eyes and smiling at each other like a newly wed couple. To say it was weird would be an understatement. I’d never seen Brittany like this before.


Liam finally turned to me again and said, “I’m going to make some breakfast. Want anything?”


“I’m good,” I said, clutching a hand to my uneasy stomach at the thought of food.


“Alright,” he said, pecking Brittany on the cheek after she asked him for a pancake. He smiled in response and said, “Anything for you.”


As he disappeared into the kitchen, Brittany walked over and sat next to me on the couch, glowing with ecstasy.


“I see someone had a good night.” I smirked at her.


A blush crept upon her cheeks as she laughed lightly, but the laugh quickly turned into a large yawn.


“Stay up late?” I waggled my eyebrows.


“Yes,” she said, before an alarmed look crossed her face. “No! Not like that!”


“Not like that?” I asked in confusion. “You guys didn’t hook up?”


“Oh, well…yes,” she murmured sheepishly, which was odd because she had never acted embarrassed or nervous about the fact that she slept with a guy before. “But, I mean, after we hooked up, we stayed up all night and talked. Just talking. It was so out of this world but so…refreshing.”


A sigh escaped her lips and I couldn’t help but let out a laugh, as I continued to massage my pounding temples.


“What are you laughing at?”


“The fact that talking is out of this world for you.”


“After a random hook up? Yeah! It is! When have you ever randomly hooked up with a guy and then talked to him after? Think about it, Isa…”


She had a point. The few times—and I emphasize the word few—I had hooked up with a guy at a party ended up going something along the lines of: get drunk, make out, have sex, go back to the party, leave and sneak back into Higgins. Not much talking. Strictly business.


“You have a point,” I agreed. “Well, I’m glad you guys really hit it off. Who called it?”


“You did.”


“That’s right. Bow down!”


Brittany laughed but her face quickly turned serious as she took a sip of her coffee, glancing at me. “You, on the other hand…”


“Britt,” I cut her off. “I remember most of last night…but after one point…”


“I know,” she said. “Liam and I woke up this morning to you asleep on the couch and Nick sleeping on the ground next to you.”


“Nick?” I asked, completely surprised. But I thought he hated me? Why was he sleeping next to me?


“Yeah. He woke up a while ago and explained to Liam and I what happened to you last night.” When I didn’t respond she continued. “First of all, are you okay?”


“About…”


“Zach.”


“Oh.” I swallowed as a lump in my dry throat began to form. “Yeah. I’m okay. It was my fault really.”


Brittany gave me a horrified look. “Isa…it is not your fault.”


I reached out and took her hand. “Britt, it’s okay. I’m okay. Okay?”


She sighed but nodded. “Okay.”


“What else did Nick tell you?”


“That you guys got in a fight.”


I nodded in response, leaning back into the support of the sofa.


“Are you okay on that too?”


“I’m fine. Go on.”


“And then he said that he came back inside, furious, and then he found you in the kitchen twenty minutes later with God knows how many more shots in you. He said you were about to take another one when he walked in and he had to physically force it from your hand in order to convince you not to drink anymore.


“At that point, he said you were really drunk. He said the drunkest he’s ever seen someone in a long time.”


“Wonderful,” I muttered, already feeling embarrassed about what I could have possibly said or done.


“Nick said you were crazy for about five or ten minutes but he knew it was only a matter of time before you threw up.”


“I threw up!” I shrieked. “Oh, please tell me I didn’t throw up on someone! Please, please, please tell me I wasn’t the drunk bitch the night!”


Brittany, finding this humorous, laughed at my response. “No, Isa. Nick got you to the toilet long before you even started throwing up. He was with you in there for about an hour before he carried you downstairs and put you on the couch to sleep.”


Awesome, I thought to myself. So much for having Nick not babysit me.


“What exactly did you and Nick fight about?” Brittany asked after taking a long sip of her drug.


“Me,” I said vaguely.


“He seemed really upset about it, even this morning,” she responded.


“I know. He was furious last night.”


“No, I mean upset as in…I don’t know. Just…lost almost. He just looked like it didn’t turn out how he wanted it to.”


“Well I don’t think last night was the world’s greatest party for Nick,” I commented, trying to make light of the situation that was, in reality, gnawing at my insides.


“Maybe. But he seemed pretty content holding your hand all night while you guys slept.”


“Huh?” I asked, whipping my head up to meet Brittany’s amused gaze. I placed my hands on my head again and suppressed a groan. I had to stop jerking my head like that.


“He may have been sleeping on the floor below you last night, but he was holding your hand like he wanted to be sleeping next to you.”


“Oh no,” I murmured, imagining my drunken self begging for Nick to hold my hand while I slept for God knows what reason. People tell me I get like this when I’m drunk. I get all emotional and touchy feely and ask people to cuddle or hold me. It shouldn’t have surprised me that I would most likely ask Nick to hold my hand. A part of me was almost relieved, for it could have been a lot worse.


Liam suddenly called for breakfast. As I stood up to head towards the kitchen, Brittany grabbed my arm and held me in place, her deep blue eyes boring into mine, a worried look in them.


“Seriously though, Isabel. You’re okay? With the whole Zach thing?”


I suppressed the shudder that crawled down my spine and forced my knees to stay strong. I feigned a smile. “Yeah, I’m good.”


She wasn’t convinced. “You promise?”


I placed my hand over hers, which was still resting on my forearm. “I promise. Now let’s get some breakfast.”

~~~


The rest of the long weekend was somewhat below my expectations. Brittany ended up spending a lot of her time with Liam. It seemed they liked each other a lot more than either of them had expected; I certainly hadn’t seen it coming.


Brittany was not the type to really like a guy. She would hook up with guys for a few weeks and then move on to the next one. Her relationships consisted on purely physical terms. So it was unexpected to see her and a guy sharing an emotional connection. I was just happy it was Liam. He was a good guy and they deserved each other.


So the rest of Saturday and Saturday night she spent at his house, since his parents didn’t come home until Sunday. On Sunday morning, I picked her up and we went back to San Francisco, spent the day there, and then slept over at her aunt’s house.


When Monday morning finally rolled around, I hugged her tightly goodbye as she got into her car with her aunt to head back to the airport, back to Higgins.


“Call me as soon as you get off the plane!” I told her.


“Of course!” she called as Sheila started the engine.


I watched the car until it disappeared around the corner, out of sight, before getting into my Land Rover to head home myself.


“Isabel?” my mom called from the kitchen as I shut the front door.


“Yeah?” I called back.


Mom appeared a few moments later, still in her satin nightgown. “How was Brittany’s last night?”


“It was good. We just chilled out.”


“That’s good,” she said with a soft smile. “Well, Cooper goes back to college tomorrow, so we’re going over to the Parker’s tonight for a farewell get together.”


My breath hitched in my throat as I thought about Nick. I could not face him tonight. Not yet. I quickly ran a hand through my hair and tried to think of an excuse. “Oh…Mom, I…I don’t know if I can. I have, uh, a lot of homework to do.”


She narrowed her eyes at me. “You had all weekend to do your homework. Cooper’s leaving, Isabel. You can’t skip out on this.”


“He’ll be back soon anyway.”


“Isabel—” her voice squeaked with annoyance. “You’re coming with us.”


Defeated, I muttered an “okay” before heading upstairs to my room to plan out how I was going to avoid Nick all night.

~~~


I have mixed feelings about long weekends. The obvious feeling is that they’re awesome. The opposite feeling is that going back to school seems twice as painful as any normal weekend. Also, considering the fact that most of the senior class was at the party on Friday night and probably saw me doesn’t help the fact that I was straight up anxious to return Tuesday morning.


Spending Monday night at the Parker’s did not help my anxiety whatsoever. The awkward feeling of silence that encased the living room as Cooper, Nick and I sat watching TV together was enough to make me fidget uncomfortably.


Nick and I hadn’t uttered a word to each other all night. The few times we made eye contact, we both looked away quickly, as if staring into each other’s eyes would burn holes into our retinas.


Cooper was also acting weird. He was cheery when he greeted me, but it seemed fake, like he was trying to cover up the worry in his eyes that was clearly shining through, much to his dismay. At the beginning, he tried to make small talk, but his voice shook with unease and he strained a smile. Between my lacking responses and Nick’s unfazed neglect, he finally gave up and the three of us sat in tense quietude.


It finally became to intolerable for me, and I stood up without a word, exiting the living room with the feeling of two pairs of eyes boring into my back, but no mouths opening to stop me.


My feet brought me to the driveway of the Parker house, standing in front of the worn in basketball hoop that was perched on top of the garage. I found myself staring at it, the memories of Nick and I playing one-on-one as children flashing through my mind.


My fingers suddenly itched to hold a basketball again. I wanted to feel the smooth sphere cradled in my palms, the thin layer of soot rubbing off onto my hands, leaving them sticky and sweaty with content.


I played basketball from the fourth grade up to my sophomore year in high school. It was my therapy, if you will. A coping mechanism to help me get through the day. I loved it. I loved the community of a team, the sound of sneakers scraping against the gym floor, the satisfaction of popping up a shot and knowing you made the basket the second it left your fingertips, the raging determination of winning the next game after a painful loss. I craved it all. Every emotion. Every desire. I missed it.


Higgins didn’t have sports teams. We were told that academics were our main focus and that detrimental extra curricular activities would get in the way of our success to turning our lives around.


Bullshit, in my opinion. Basketball kept me more focused. I was always a better student and a happier person with basketball in my life.


So I didn’t let it go. All of last year, whenever Brittany needed me after school, she knew to find me at the gym Higgins had on campus. A full basketball court that I lived at from 3 in the afternoon until 6, at which point I would go back to my dorm to shower and change for dinner at 6:30.


Sometimes, a few other girls would come and play with me, either a casual game of HORSE or a full on match. Occasionally I would convince Brittany to play as well, although she sucked and would lob the ball up the air at any chance she got, screaming in victory if the ball even made it to the rim.


A small laugh escaped my lips now as I stared at the basketball hoop in front of me, feeling a pang in my chest knowing the Brittany had probably just got off the plane in New Jersey, miles and miles separating us again.


I shook my thoughts from Brittany, not wanting to get myself emotional, and shifted to this year’s basketball season. Tryouts would be coming up soon in November, and I had contemplated on whether or not I wanted to participate. Of course, I knew I wanted to, but a part of me was frightened that I wouldn’t make varsity, my dream for as long as I can remember. I was out of practice, and would Coach McPherson even want me to play? Surely he had heard about what happened sophomore year. I was afraid he wouldn’t trust me enough, or wouldn’t want a terrible influence like me on his varsity girl’s basketball team.


I let out a long breath, telling myself to stop thinking of everything and just relax for two freaking seconds. It was then that I spotted the basketball, resting casually on the corner of the garage, swaying back and forth a little in the evening breeze. Before I could stop myself, it was in my hands, my fingers digging into the soiled rubber as I bounced it up and down on the hard concrete.


In seconds, I was in it. Submersed in the routine of consistent dribbling, going up for a layup, the sound of the ball bouncing against the rim, a fifty-fifty chance it would dunk into the frayed net, or topple over onto the unforgiving pavement. Then again, and again, and again. Shooting from all over the miniature court, drawing the boundary lines in my head. Focused on the ball. Lost and found at the same time.


I finally stopped, setting up myself a good distance from the hoop, and took the shot. The ball flew through the air before hitting the rim in a displeasing sound before bouncing back to the pavement in defeat.


“Watch your elbow.”


My head snapped up to none other than Nick, leaning against the side of the garage closest to the front door, his arms across his chest. I felt my cheeks immediately heat up. How long had he been watching me?


I shook my head subtly and processed his comment. “What?”


“Watch your elbow,” he repeated. “When you shoot, your elbow doesn’t stay in line with the hoop, and it’s messing with your aim.”


I simply stared at him, not quite sure how to respond to his advice as he ran a hand through his dark hair. He finally stood up straight and muttered a “dinner’s ready” before disappearing into the house, leaving me standing alone in the driveway, lost in his words.

“Hey,” Cooper said, coming up beside me with his empty dinner plate in his hand. I looked over at him for a moment, before going back to washing all the dishes. Cooper fell into step beside me and began helping me wash and dry. Nick had disappeared into his room right after dinner. “So,” Cooper murmured after a long silence. “Nick told me about the party on Friday night.” I froze, letting the stream of water hit the base of the sink noisily as I grasped a dirty plate. Attempting to recover, I ignored him and began washing again. “I don’t want to talk about it.” “Fine,” Cooper pressed, a tinge of frustration in his low voice. “But you have to promise me you’ll be more careful. Something really bad could have happened, Isa—” “You think I don’t know that?!” I snapped at him. He looked startled, wide-eyed at my outburst, before sighing and setting down the clean plate he was holding. “Of course I do. I just worry about you, Isa. You’ve been through a lot this past year. I don’t want to see you getting taken advantage of. In any way.” I focused on the dishes as tears pricked at my eyes. This was the first time since I had been home that I had actually heard someone say they really cared about me. It was a nice reminder to know that no matter what Cooper would always be there for me, looking out for me in any way. “Look all I’m saying is that I’m here for you. If you need anything, just call okay? I’m not that far away.” I squeezed my eyes shut, giving up on trying to wash dishes. I managed a small, “thank you.” I felt his hand gentle rest on my back, rubbing small circles with his thumb. We continued to wash and dry the rest of the dirty utensils like this and when they were finally all done, Cooper pulled me into a tight hug. It took me a while before I finally gave in, squeezing myself into his muscular frame, pressing my face against his chest. “Are you going to be okay?” I nodded, not trusting my voice and his grip on me tightened. After a long time, I finally pulled away, and he rested his hands on my shoulders in order to look at me. “Can I ask a favor, Isa?” I nodded dumbly again. “Can you watch out for Nick? He’s had a pretty rough year too, and even though he hates to admit it, he could really use a friend like you again.” I pressed my lip into a thin line. I would do anything for Cooper, but did he understand what he was asking? Nick hates me. Surely he knows that. “I don’t think Nick would be very happy with that.” “I beg to differ,” Cooper immediately countered, his blue eyes meeting mine sincerely. “Nick cares about you, Isa. Whether or not he’s willing to admit it. Just try to reach out, make the effort. At least do that. Please?” The words “okay” flew out of my mouth before I could process them. Cooper smiled and let out a reassured sigh, as if now a giant weight had been miraculously lifted off his shoulders. “Thank you. I promise, this will be for the best.” He then placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “You guys were always meant to be together.” The way he said it made it sound simple and friendly, but I couldn’t help but feel that he was slightly hinting at something else. You guys were always meant to be together. ~~~ It happened. For the first time since I had been home, it happened again. It felt like a déjà vu, a blast from the past, as I lay in my bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling as the sound of my parents’ frustrated voices carried from the kitchen below up to my bedroom. Their voices were quieter than usual, like they were intentionally trying to control their volume so I couldn’t hear. But I always heard anyway. It was too late to try to protect me. I can still to this day remember the first night that it really got out of hand. It was a warm October night at the beginning of my sophomore year, so warm that I had kept my window open to try to keep the air moving in my bedroom. I was curled up under one sheet, trying to fall asleep so I would be able to wake up for school the next day. Downstairs, my parents’ voices started off quiet, but soon rose to my mother shrieking and my dad screaming back. This, I was somewhat used to. Ever since my dad had lost his job the September before my parents had begun to fight a few times a week. Some nights were worse than other, but this October night was the first time I heard a dish shatter into a million little pieces, followed by my mother wailing. Another dish was thrown, and then another, until I wasn’t sure if we would have anything to eat on the next morning. After thirty more minutes of screaming, it finally stopped, followed by my mother’s footsteps to her room and a door slam. I didn’t sleep that entire night. The next morning the kitchen was cleaned, Dad looked like he hadn’t fallen asleep as well, and only two plates were left in the cabinet. When I came home from school later that day, new plates were stacked up where the old ones used to sit. And soon, it seemed normal to find a new design of plates in the cabinet every few times a month. Now, my mom’s voice was beginning to rise and I could hear my father’s faint attempt at trying to calm her before she exploded. I lay perfectly still in my bed, waiting for the first shriek followed by a shattering dish. How could this be happening? Dad had a job now. What the hell were they fighting about? “ROBERT, I SWEAR TO—” My mother’s voice suddenly lowered and they began to whisper-yell again. I was frozen, trying to make out what they were saying, but at the same time not even wanting to hear it. I had sacrificed everything to make them happy again. We had more money now. So why weren’t they happy? That night was the first night since I had been home from Higgins that I didn’t fall asleep. But, this time, I was not awake from their yelling. I was awake from the realization that they were still unhappy. That I had failed. ~~~ “Are you going to eat that?” Mikey asked me, pointing at the untouched sandwich sitting in front of me. I shook my head and he snatched it up quickly, taking a large bite before smiling at me with a mouthful of food. I squinted at him. “Gross.” He chuckled and shoved another bite of my lunch into his mouth. Another Monday in hell. My morning had been mostly boring. A few people still looked at me skeptically and I heard some people talking about the party at Liam’s on Friday, but nothing much else than that. Arielle gave me an extra harsh glare today in Calculus, which made me wonder what it was about. I decided though that she was probably just being hormonal and sensitive, not unusual traits for Arielle. Allegra, who had also been mostly ignoring me for the past few weeks, bumped into my shoulder today in the hallway, glared at me, and muttered a “watch it, bitch,” before sauntering away. Paris gave me a sassy look before catching up to Allegra down the hallway. I wasn’t quite sure what that was for either, but then again, when did Allegra ever need a reason to be a bitch to me? Never. “So how was Liam’s party?” Jeremy asked me now, readjusting his position as he leaned back against the uncomfortable brick wall behind our school. “Uneventful,” I lied, not wanting to get into any of it. “It was fun having your friend here though, right?” It was cute how curious and genuine Jeremy was and sometimes I wondered why most girls didn’t pay attention him. “Yeah, it was great.” I gave him a reassuring smile. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out as Jeremy and Mikey began to talk about their business plans for today. To: Isabel From: Julie Come to my car. I held in a groan. To: Julie From: Isabel Is Ari there? To: Isabel From: Julie No. I got the slightest feeling that she was angry at me too, but I had no idea why. I decided to go hang out with her if Arielle wasn’t there. I was probably just reading too much into her text. To: Julie From Isabel Sure. I’ll be there in a sec I stood up from the wall and Mikey and Jeremy suddenly stopped talking to look at me. “I got to go talk to someone,” I said casually. “I’ll see you guys later.” “See ya, Isa,” they both waved me off. I sent them a goodbye nod before heading across school towards the front parking lot, keeping my head down most of the walk. Luckily Julie’s car was parked in one of the closest spots, so I wouldn’t have to walk by everyone else eating in their cars, judging me as I went by. “Where’s Arielle?” I asked as I hopped in the front seat of Julie’s Lexus. I quickly shut my mouth though when I saw the look on Julie’s face. Her blue eyes were dark and heavy as they rested on my face, burning a hole through my forehead. She was pissed. “What the f is your problem, Isa?” I gave her a questioning look. “What? What are you talking about?” “Don’t try to act so f*ing innocent. You know what you did at Liam’s party.” Wait. Now I was really lost. What did I do at Liam’s party? Were Julie and Arielle there? “Hold on, what? I seriously don’t know what you’re talking about, Julie,” I tried, my voice uneasy. Julie ran a hand through her blonde hair and ran her teeth over her bottom lip, looking away from me and out the front windshield. When she spoke this time, she wasn’t as angry. She sounded disappointed. “You blacked out, didn’t you.” I stared at her, trying to figure out what was going on, before turning to face the front windshield as well. “Yeah.” “You don’t remember anything?” This time she sounded out of breath. “Not after I took the third round of shots.” “You really f*ed up, Isabel.” “Please, tell me what’s going on!” I begged. Julie sighed through her nose. “You know how Arielle had that crush on Zach?” Zach Hudson. Just hearing his name sent a painful shiver down my spine and I blinked away the feeling. I focused back on Julie’s question, though I wasn’t quite sure how it related. “Yeah,” I replied. “Well maybe if you were around the last year and a half,” she muttered, her voice annoyingly calm for how her harsh her words should have sounded, “You would know that she still likes him.” “Zach?” I blurted, suddenly defensive. There was no way in hell I was going to let Zach anywhere near Arielle. I was not going to let him hurt her. “No, no, no. She can’t like him,” I pleaded, panicking. “Why?” Julie shot, her voice rising. “Because you want him all to yourself?!” I froze, my breath hitching in my throat. What? “It was pretty obvious by the way you were dancing with him Friday night. You were all over him. You could have just spat in Ari’s face, Isabel. Even that would have been easier for her.” They thought I liked him. They thought Zach and I were hooking up. “Julie, you don’t understand. I don’t like him! I was drunk and he was there—it was nothing!” “Right because the two of you going upstairs together was definitely nothing,” she scoffed. “Stop f*ing with Arielle and I, Isa. We’re done playing into your stupid games.” “No,” I murmured, resting my hand on my forehead. “Nothing happened between Zach and I. It was a mistake. I left before anything happened I swear.” “How am I supposed to believe you,” Julie asked me, a dark glare in her blue eyes. There was nothing I could say. Neither of them had any reason to trust me ever again. I had f*ed up too many times. It was over. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and went to open the door. “I won’t bother either of you ever again.” “I’m not done talking to you!” Julie snapped. I jumped in my seat at her voice and shut the door again, turning to her flushed face, an awful feeling bubbling in the pit of my stomach. “I’m guessing,” she continued, “You don’t remember what happened later that night.” I shook my head, not meeting her gaze. Of course there would be more. “After you and Zach went upstairs, I convinced Arielle to stay and enjoy the party. After a few hours we were starting to have a good time again until you showed up.” That’s me, I thought. Ready to ruin everyone’s good time. “You had the nerve to walk your drunk ass over to Ari and I and act like everything was fine between you and Arielle. You told her she was ‘overreacting about what happened Sophomore year’ and that she should have forgiven you by now. And Arielle, already pissed for every good reason, pushed you away. And you flipped out and poured your drink on her favorite dress.” I shut my eyes, racking my brain to recall that moment, but it was blank. I had no recollection of that ever happening. I finally choked out an “I…” before Julie cut me off. “Save it. I really don’t care to hear anymore of your excuses. F*ing ‘best friend forever’ my ass. Now get out of my car.” I inhaled a shaky breath, the realization of what was happening hitting me all at once. It was really over. My two best friends had turned their backs on me, and had every reason to. I had nothing left to do but push back my tears and step out of her car, slamming the door shut behind me. And from that moment I knew everything would change. Julie’s car was no longer a safety zone for me in this parking lot. In that second, her car crossed the line and joined all the others. To the side that judged me. To the side against me. ~~~ I went straight to my car and left school after I got out of Julie’s car. The tears came as soon as I was out of the parking lot. I knew the school was going to call my parents about me skipping fifth, sixth and seventh period, but at that point I didn’t care. I just needed to get out. I found myself driving to the one place I knew I wouldn’t be judged, where I knew I was always welcome. Carrie Parker came to the door when I knocked and when she took in the tears dripping down my face, she pulled me into a hug and led me inside. She handed me a tall glass of water and a chocolate chip cookie before sitting down and resting her hand on my back as I wiped away the remaining tears. She didn’t say anything. She just rubbed my back until I finally spoke up. “I can’t do anything right.” “Sometimes it feels that way, doesn’t it,” Carrie agreed quietly. “It doesn’t feel that way,” I countered. “It is that way.” “Says who?” “Everyone.” “Have you asked me?” She smiled thinly as I just stared at her blankly. “Because I think you do a lot right.” I scoffed under my breath. “Like what.” “You do great in school, you’re an amazing basketball player…and I personally think that you try so hard to protect the people you love. But it backfires. You can’t protect people from something if they really want to know, Isa. They’ll find a way.” “So it seems,” I murmured, resting my eye sockets in the heels of my hands. There was a long moment of silence as Carrie rubbed my neck. “You’re an amazing girl, Isabel. Just know that I believe in you.” She stood up, her hand trailing down my back until I couldn’t feel it anymore. “I have to go run some errands but you’re welcome to stay here. The basketball is in the garage, if you want to go shoot. Help yourself.” I heard her footsteps patter away, distancing herself from me. As her footsteps became more and more quiet, I finally looked up and called, “Thank you, Carrie.” The footsteps stopped and the front door opened. “You’re always welcome here, Isa.” And then the front door shut quietly. I stayed in the kitchen for a while, munching on the chocolate chip cookie and downing the glass of water, feeling safe for the time being in the Parker house. It reminded me of when I used to be here all the time, back when I was younger, when I still had friends who weren’t drug dealers, when my parents believed in me, when the world was on my side; for me, not against me. And somehow, in two years I had managed to fuck all that up. Could that be considered a talent? I put the empty glass in the sink and found myself going into the garage, picking up the basketball and heading out front to shoot hoops. Within seconds, I was lost in the game. Everything made sense and the sound of the swish made me feel like I could finally do something right. Basketball was on my side. I don’t know how long I played for. It must have been a couple hours because a car finally pulled into the Parker’s driveway, snapping me out of my trance. I immediately recognized the pick-up truck as Liam’s. In the passenger seat, staring right at me with a displeased look on his chiseled face, was Nick. “Hey, Isa!” Liam chirped, pulling up beside me as he rolled down his window. “Hey, Liam,” I murmured, watching as Nick got out of the truck. “Thanks for the ride,” Nick said monotonously to Liam. “Sure, dude, anytime.” Liam then turned back to me. “So, thanks for introducing Brittany and I,” he said with a smirk as he waved his phone at me. “I’m about to call her.” “So you guys are pretty serious about keeping in touch, huh,” I said, raising my eyebrows. He shot me a giddy smile. “We’re pretty serious about a lot of things.” “Like a long-distance relationship?” I had to keep my jaw from dropping. I almost wanted to reconfirm that we were talking about the same Brittany here. This was definitely unlike her. “We’re keeping open minds,” he said casually, trying to act like he wasn’t excited as he clearly was. “Anyways I got to run. Bye, you two!” Liam revved his truck before it rolled out of the Parker driveway and onto the main road, leaving Nick and I. When I turned to face Nick, he was already looking at me, a blank stare on his face. “What are you doing here?” I didn’t have any answer that seemed good enough, so I just shrugged and said, “That’s a very good question.” He blinked once before giving me an impatient look. “Are you going to answer it?” I scrunched up my face and shook my head. “Nope.” He opened his mouth to counter—I could already see the annoyance blazing in his deep eyes—but I beat him to it. “Where’s your car?” Nick sighed. “Cooper took it down to college with him.” I nodded before turning back to the hoop and shooting a perfect basket. “You haven’t fixed your elbow, I see,” Nick quipped snidely. “In case you weren’t watching,” I countered back with a sarcastic smile, “I made the basket. So I don’t think I need any of your help.” He raised his eyebrows, but his face stayed expressionless. His backpack slid off his shoulder and he glided over to me, standing in front of me as he pulled his jeans up a little before bending his knees in a defensive position. “Now try to shoot.” I bounced the ball once and set up to shoot. Just as I began to extend my arm, his hands flew up to try to distract me. It must have worked because the ball flew way to the left of the backboard. A humiliating air ball. “I’m not used to a defender,” I attempted. “No,” he said, going to retrieve the ball. “You’re form just isn’t strong, and when put under pressure, it fails.” I narrowed my eyes at him as he passed me the ball and walked towards me. For a second, I clenched the ball to my chest, afraid he was going to run into me or hurt me, but at the last moment he swiveled around so he was directly behind me, his chest gently brushing my back. “Set up like you’re going to shoot,” he ordered. When I didn’t move, I could almost see him roll his eyes as he said, “I don’t bite, Isa.” I unclenched, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment, and set up, my right hand cradling the ball just in front of my right ear, my left hand helping to keep the ball balanced. I almost jumped when Nick’s right palm rested against the top of my right hand, his left doing the same, until his chest was pressed up against my back, sending an uneasy tingle throughout my body. I couldn’t help but think this was the closest we had been in three years. “Okay,” he muttered, his hot breath enveloping my ear. “Now try.” Every part of my head was telling me to step away from him and get out of there, but my body listened to him and my arm extended, his arm following mine. Our bodies moved together as one as my arm completely extended, his hand helping keep my elbow in line with the hoop. Our wrists flicked over with the follow-through and the ball flew, a perfect angle to the hoop before swishing through the net and landing with a dignified bounce on the pavement. I let out the breath I realized I’d been holding in as I turned my head to come inches apart from Nick’s face. Neither of us moved as our eyes locked, the sound of the ball bouncing faster and faster behind us until it came to a silence on the concrete. I didn’t notice this though. Nick’s grey eyes had consumed all of my attention. I had never seen them this up close. There was so much more to them than I had realized before. Flecks of green and gold splattered his irises and the way he stared back at my own eyes made me realize there was so much to him that I didn’t know. Cooper had been right. A lot had happened to Nick in the past year. And I had missed it all. Nick’s eyes roamed my face, like he was studying me too, trying to figure out what had happened to me. He searched every feature of my face, my eyes, my nose, my cheeks, my lips—did he linger there for a second? Or did I imagine that? I mentally shook myself. What am I saying? Of course he didn’t linger there. Nick wants nothing to do with me. And I should want nothing to do with him. Yeah… “Now that…” he murmured, “Is how you shoot a basketball.”

The library is a lonely place. I never understood why some kids chose to sit in the library during lunch. Why not go outside and socialize? Get some fresh air? Now, I understand. People ate lunch in the library to escape. It’s like a safety coven for anyone trying to disappear from the crowds and cliques. At least, that’s why I had been eating lunch in the library for the past three days. And after observing the other kids who showed up during lunch hour, I figured that they were escaping too. I didn’t know any of them. There were four regulars who I was guaranteed to see sitting at their own table, eating their own lunch, and reading what seemed like a new book everyday. Nerds. I found it interesting that I had gone to school with these kids for three years—well technically two—and I didn’t even know any of their names. I only recognized one, because I’m pretty sure he was in my math class sophomore year, but I still had never taken the time to learn his name. Mikey and Jeremy had texted me multiple times throughout the week, asking where I was. Jeremy approached me in Chemistry a few times, but I managed to avoid his questioning. When the last bell rang on Friday afternoon, I felt relieved. For a four-day week, it had felt like ages. I scampered out into the parking lot, keeping my head down towards the gray conrete. I was thinking about my plans for this weekend—catch up on Modern Family, do some homework, maybe go for a run—when someone called my name. Why does this always happen to me? I thought, stopping mid-walk, before turning around to face whoever had called me. I was surprised when Nick ran up to me, grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards the school. “Jesus, I’ve been looking for you all week! It’s like you disappear. Do you realize how impossible it is to find you? Where do you even go?” I tried to wriggle away, but he had a pretty tight grasp on my arm and he was forcing my feet to move alongside his. “Nick,” I tried. “Where are we going?” “Have you not checked your email? Coach McPherson’s been trying to get in touch with you and he said you haven’t returned any of his emails so he told me I’d have to find you and bring you to him myself.” “Coach McPherson?” I asked, astounded. What could he possibly want from me? I’m sure the last person he wanted on his basketball team was me. “Yes. Coach McPherson.” Nick sighed, clearly annoyed. “Why does he want to see me?” “What do you think?” Nick shot sarcastically, and his familiar glare smothered me. I decided to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the walk to Coach’s office. The few times I tried to free myself from Nick’s grasp resulted in no luck as he led me inside the gym and into the office. Coach McPherson didn’t look much different from two years ago. His hair was now grayer than dark brown and his forehead wrinkles could be seen even when he wasn’t frowning. He looked thinner and more tired than I remembered. “Isabel Scott,” his rough voice welcomed me as he stuck his hand out for me to shake. Nick finally let go of my arm and I instinctually rubbed the free skin before meeting Coach McPherson’s hand. “Coach,” I greeted. “How have you been?” “Same old. And how have you been?” he asked, raising his eyebrows as he sat back in his chair. I sat down in the chair in front of his desk as Nick leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest with a casual dark expression on his face. “Better,” was all I answered. “Good, good. No more dealing, I hope?” “Never, Coach. It was a big mistake that I will never repeat.” “I’m glad to hear that, Scott. Very glad. You know, I would have never guessed you—” “I know,” I cut him off quickly, not bearing to hear him say what everyone else has told me a million times. “Right. Well,” he nodded, leaning forward, “I didn’t ask you to come in to talk about that. I asked you to come in to talk about tryouts coming up in early November. You will be at tryouts, right?” My face must have looked shocked, almost horrified, because Coach immediately frowned and asked, “Is something wrong, Isabel?” I shook my head quickly and apologized. “I’m sorry, Coach, I just didn’t think, um, I didn’t really think you’d want me on the team.” Coach stared at me, expressionless for a moment, before he burst out in explosive laughter, causing me to jump a little. “And why wouldn’t I?” he asked once he regained breathing. I fidgeted in my seat. “Well, I just thought because of my past…” “You’re a good girl, Isa,” he told me, his face turning serious. “And you’re a great player. We suffered a lot here at Whitewood last year without you and I could use your skills on Varsity this year.” “Varsity? I’m honored, Coach, but to be honest, I don’t know if I would be much help this year,” I expressed regretfully. “At my boarding school last year, we didn’t have a basketball team. I’m out of practice, out of shape—” “That’s why I’m talking to you now,” he said, resting his elbows on the desk. “Two months before tryouts to get back into shape. Open gyms start up in mid October as well. If you come to those, I’m confident that you’ll be ready for the season.” “And what about before mid-October?” I asked. “Nick and I have talked,” Coach said, as we both turned our gaze to Nick, who still stood against the doorframe, expressionless as his grey eyes met mine, “And we came to a decision that he would coach you to get back into shape.” “I don’t know,” I murmured, searching Nick’s face for what he thought about this ordeal. Did he want to do this? Or was Coach making him? I didn’t want to get even more on Nick’s bad side… “You don’t need to know. It’s already decided,” Coach said, giving Nick and I both a look. “Right, Parker?” Something flashed through Nick’s eyes before he returned to his same expression. “Right, Coach,” he grumbled, his voice hard. “Then it’s settled. I’ll see the two of you at open gym in October. Have a good weekend.” With that, Coach looked back to his computer and Nick and I got up and left his office. We stayed a few feet away from each other as we walked back to the parking lot in silence. I wanted to know what Nick was thinking about this whole situation, but decided against opening my mouth due to the tension in the air between us. When we finally reached the parking lot, I started to walk away from Nick and towards my car. “Where are you going?” he barked. I flinched, turning around to face him. “Home?” I shot back, surprised when my voice came out strong and confident. He seemed shocked too, but quickly returned to a scowl. “Then we’ll start Monday.” Suddenly, Katy Perry became clearer in the air as a white Mercedes with all the windows down sped up next to the sidewalk Nick and I were standing on. The car doors unlocked as Allegra peeked out the passenger window from the driver’s side. “Hey, baby, where have you been I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” she whined. It was then she turned and glared at me, his eyes slicing through me as she looked me up and down, clearly not satisfied with my appearance. I took that as my exit to leave as I turned my head down and started towards my car. Nick hopped in the Mercedes, but not before sending a glance my way. I couldn’t tell if the look on his face was anger or pleading, but whatever it was, I ignored it and focused on the boring weekend ahead of me. ~~~ “Isa, he’s amazing. This has literally been the best week of my entire life!” Brittany screamed into my ear as I sat, curled up under the covers of my bed, pretending to listen to her talk about Liam as I watched the newest episode of Modern Family. “Uh huh,” was all I said in response. “You’re not listening,” she huffed. “I am!” I assured her. Still a pout in her voice, she said, “He texts me every morning and calls me every night and sends me all these adorable texts during the day. Ugh, why do I have to go to freaking Higgins all the way across the country? I hate my life.” “It could be worse,” I shrugged. “You are the world’s worst comforter.” I laughed. “Eh, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you chose to call me.” She sighed. “You suck. Anyways, what’s the situation with you? How was your week?” “Same old.” “Have you talked to Zach at all?” “Nope. He doesn’t even look my way, which is nice.” “That’s good. And how’s Nick?” I shut my computer, mid-episode, suddenly sitting up. “Why would I know?” “I don’t know. I mean, have you guys talked since your fight?” “Nick and I don’t talk,” I grumbled. “Huh,” she murmured. “What?” “Nothing.” “What, Brittany.” “Nothing! Calm your pants!” I rolled my eyes, but smiled. “Whatever.” I then remembered Nick and I practicing basketball together, and I frowned. “What are you thinking about?” I heard Brittany’s voice scold me. “It’s freaky how you always know what I’m feeling.” “Helloooo! Best friend telepathy!” “You’re weird.” “Thanks, Isa! Love you too! Seriously. What are you thinking about?” “Well, this weird thing happened this afternoon. Coach called me into his office and asked me to play basketball but told me that I had to practice and build up my skills again.” “That’s great, Isa! I’m so happy for you!” “Yeah, except the person who’s helping me practice is Nick. And I can’t figure out if he wants to, or if Coach is making him. And to be honest, I just don’t want to deal with Nick. I know he hates me and being around him only makes him hate me even more. I just can’t deal with it.” “Why do you think he hates you so much?” “How can I not think that?” “Because someone who really hates you wouldn’t have helped you last Friday night at the party.” “Except he didn’t want to. He was put in a position where he had to. No guy wouldn’t help a girl that was getting taken advantage of.” “True. But after, when you were puking your guts out. He didn’t have to take care of you, you know. He could have just left you alone. But he spent hours with you. If you really hated someone, you would enjoy them falling on their face, not help them up.” There was some logic to Brittany’s point, but I ignored it and moved on to the next thing. “Oh, and you’ll love this. Out in the parking lot, Nick got in Allegra’s car and Allegra glared at me.” “Nick is seriously still hooking up with her? Bleh. Poor guy. He could do so much better.” “Not really. They’re both bitches. Perfect match, if you ask me.” Brittany laughed melodically. “Yeah okay, whatever you say, Isa. Look I got to go. Liam said he would call me in a few minutes, but I’ll talk to you later, girl. Hang in there.” “Love you, Britt.” “Love you too. Bye!” And then I went back to Modern Family. My second best friend this Friday night. ~~~ It was nine at night when my phone rang. I hadn’t moved from my position in my bed, although I had changed from Modern Family to The Office. Mom and Dad were out at some business dinner for my dad, so I hadn’t been bothered either. Until Mikey’s name appeared on my Caller ID. I contemplated on not picking up. I had been ignoring his calls all week so I figured I should at least answer and tell him that I was alive and okay. “Hey, Mikey,” I said into the receiver, keeping my voice as even and casual as possible. “Well, well, well, look who decided to pick up.” “I’ve had a busy week.” “Excuses, excuses! Now come outside, we gotta go.” “Uh…what?” “Come. Out. Side.” Was he…? I quickly bolted out of bed to the window. Sure enough, on the street below were the headlights of Mikey’s car. “Are you crazy?” I asked him. “I can’t leave, you idiot.” “Yes, you can.” I heard Jeremy yell in the background, “Come on, Isa!” “Guys—” “Just ask your parents!” “They aren’t home!” “Call them!” I sighed into the receiver. “Fine. I’ll be right back.” I hung up on Mikey and called my dad, praying he wouldn’t let me go out. I wasn’t in the mood to do whatever Mikey had planned for the night. My dad picked up on the third ring. “Hey, Izzy, what’s up?” he asked cheerfully, the sound of chatter in the background. “Hey, Dad, I was wondering if I could possibly go out tonight?” “Of course! Go have fun with your friends!” Shit. I palmed my forehead. I should’ve called Mom. There’s no way she would let me out. “Mom’s okay with this?” “Oh, she’ll be fine. Just make sure you’re home by 11.” “Okay, thanks, Dad,” I grumbled, ending the call before calling Mikey back. “So?” Mikey asked. “I’ll be down in a minute,” I muttered glumly, quickly snapping the phone shut. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a casual top, applying a bit of mascara. Slumping down the staircase and out the door, I slid into the backseat of Mikey’s Honda, which was blasting Tupac. Mikey and Jeremy turned around to grin at me. “Well it’s about damn time you showed your face around here,” Mikey joked. “Where are you kidnapping me to?” “Funny,” Jeremy said sarcastically as Mikey pulled off the curb and onto the road. “Seriously, you two.” I leaned forward, poking my head between the console so I could see them both. “Where are we going?” “We’re hitting up Thomas Graze’s party.” “Oh, no, no, no. Turn around right now and take me home.” “Isa!” Mikey lolled his head back, exasperated. I could not go to Thomas’s party. Not a chance. Jones would definitely be there and on top of that—if Julie was right about her and Thomas reconnecting—Julie and Arielle would be there. “I’m serious, Mikey. Turn the damn car around now.” Jeremy turned around in the passenger seat to look at me, his red hair swooping into his eyes. “Hey, don’t worry. Mikey and I just have to stop at the party real fast to do some business and then we’ll all head back to Mikey’s house and chill out.” “You promise?” I threatened. “Pinky promise.” Jeremy held up his pinky for me to latch on to. “Five minutes at the party,” I muttered, hooking my pinky into his. “Five minutes,” he repeated with a nod. “Deal.” ~~~ Five minutes my ass. Mikey and Jeremy had run off to meet up with some people in Thomas’s house to make some deals and I refused to go with them, not wanting to get caught up in any of it. The only con to that was that now I was left alone at the party. Granted, I knew most of the people here, but none of them had any interest in talking to me, and I had no interest in talking to them. So I leaned against the wall in the corner of the living room, sipping on my Diet Coke, watching everyone dance and drink. It had been 20 minutes since we’d first arrived and I still hadn’t seen Thomas, Jones, Arielle or Julie, which was perfect. I just hoped we would leave before I did get the chance to see them. It was actually pretty fun to sit and watch a party from the outside. There was a group of girls that was getting significantly more and more drunk. They had just taken another round of shots and a few of them could hardly stand anymore. Two guys sauntered over to them, beers in hand, swooping in to woo the impaired girls. Watching people flirt was definitely the funniest part—especially for drunk people. The way people would touch each other and laugh obnoxiously, or start making out after three minutes of talking. I wondered if this was how I acted when I was drunk. Pulling my eyes away from the party, I focused back on my Diet Coke, using my index finger to toy around with the tab, flicking it back and forth to make a faint ding sound. My mind drifted off to my sister, Sara. We hadn’t talked for a while now, but she had said she wanted to come home for Thanksgiving. I pondered if she was really going to. After all, Sara hadn’t come home in three years because of Mom. Why would she now? To be honest, I didn’t miss her all that much. I missed what we used to be, the good times we had together with the Parker brothers. We were pretty close when we were young. I could always count on her to be there, but now it seemed like I didn’t even have a sister. It was almost like she died, and the only thing left of her were memories. I was beginning to forget her face, her smile. Sometimes I wondered what really happened between her and Mom. Granted they never got along, but I never thought that was the full extent as to why she left for college and never came home. Everytime I asked Dad what happened between them, he would just smile and me and say they were just going through a phase and that one-day they would see eye-to-eye. I had a hard time believing that was true. The day Mom and Sara would see eye-to-eye is the day pigs would fly. My mind was jolted by a large shatter. I looked over to see a girl with a hand over her mouth, and a bottle of vodka in pieces of the ground, the alcohol spilling all over the hard wood floor. That’s when Thomas appeared out of the crowd, a look of worry of his face. He looked relieved that it was only the vodka before disappearing into the kitchen, telling everyone it was all right. The girl looked remorseful and some people gave her dirty looks for wasting some of the alcohol. Thomas returned with a broom and dustpan, along with paper towels and a new bottle of vodka. The crowd cheered and snatched the vodka from him as he cleaned up the mess. I was no longer aware of this though, because someone was helping Thomas clean up the mess, pushing his blonde hair out of his face as he swept up the glass shards. Jones. I had passed him a few times in the hallways at school at the beginning of the year, but in the past few weeks we had managed to avoid each other all together. I would be lying if I said seeing him again didn’t have an effect on me. I think he will always have an effect on me. A part of me will always love him, regret what I did to him, miss him, want him. He was always so kind, like now, helping to clean up when he could be partying. I always envied his ability to think of others before himself. I didn’t notice I was blatantly staring until he looked up and our eyes locked. I was a deer in headlights as we stared at each other for a few moments, his blue eyes penetrating me from across the room. He sharply looked away and then bent down to whisper something in Thomas’s ear. Then, Thomas glanced over at me, a hard but curious expression on his face. He muttered something and handed Jones the dustpan before walking over to me. That’s when I really started to panic. He was probably going to ask me to leave. I wasn’t welcome here, and I knew that. This was such a bad idea. I should have made Mikey turn around and take me home. Shit, shit, shit. “Hey, Isabel,” Thomas said casually. I could feel Jones watching us, but I didn’t dare look at him. “Thomas,” I started, “I’m sorry, Mikey and Jeremy dragged me here, but I can wait outside if you’d like—” He cut me off with a small chuckle and said, “Calm down, Isa. You’re fine.” He then hesitated, shooting me a defensive glance before asking, “Mikey and Jeremy?” “Oh, no, I’m not…I’m not involved with the—what they’re doing, I—they just dragged me along…I’m not—” He laughed again, patting me on the shoulder. “Don’t hurt yourself now. I understand and I’m glad to hear it.” His face turned serious. “Look, Isa, it’s fine you’re here, just please don’t talk to Jones. I’ve finally got him acting like himself again and I can’t have you f*ing with him and his emotions.” “I understand,” I murmured with a small nod. I did understand, but that didn’t mean my heart didn’t ache to hear those words. Hurting Jones was something I never wanted to do, but it seemed that it was all I did. I just f*ed with him and his emotions, and now the only way Jones could be happy was if I wasn’t a part of his life at all. “I understand,” I repeated. “Thanks,” Thomas said, with a quick nod. “Well, I got to get back. But enjoy yourself, and take care.” “Yeah, you too,” I murmured as Thomas turned around and headed back. I looked over to see what Jones was doing now and what I saw made my stomach drop to the floor. Not only was Jones staring at me, but Julie and Arielle were also standing next to him, sending death glares that made the hair on my arms stand up straight. Arielle said something to the three of them, and Jones responded by shaking his blonde hair into his face and looking back down, continuing to clean up the glass. Thomas joined them, wrapping an arm around Julie’s waist, pulling her closer to him as he tried to get their attention. Julie turned to him with a smile that made me want to run over and scream with her at the fact that her and Thomas were back together. But only friends do that with each other, and we were no longer friends. Even though Julie’s attention was on Thomas, Arielle was still glaring at me as she took a long sip from her red cup. She said something that made Julie grab her arm, but Arielle wriggled out of her grip and started to walk towards me. Thomas called after her, but she ignored him, swaying and tripping over herself as she approached me. “Well, well, wellll,” she slurred, stopping in front of me. “What do you invited you here?” I raised my eyebrows at her. “Someone can hold their alcohol.” “Riiight, because you’re one to talk.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “What do you want, Arielle?” “I want you to leave before you f this night up just like you f everything up.” I inhaled quickly, her drunken words cutting through me. “I’m not here to cause trouble.” “Yeaaahhh, okay, haven’t heard that one before.” “Look, Arielle, I’m sorry—” She laughed so explosively that I had to take a hesitant step closer to the wall. “Sorry? I shit on apologiesss from you.” She took a step closer to me. “You are not welcome here, Isabel,” she spat my name out like it was dirty on her tongue. “You will never be welcome here. Stay away from me, from Julie, and especially from Jones. Can you get that through your thick little brain?” She stumbled over her feet, bumping her head against the wall next to me. I reached out to help her as she rubbed her head with a frown on her face but she slapped my hand away, a fire burning in her bloodshot eyes. “Don’t f*ing touch me!” she shrieked, and a few people turned to look at us. I lowered my voice to not draw any attention. “Arielle, please, can we talk about this when you’re not drunk?” “I’m not drunkk! You’re the drunk one, you bitch!” she screamed again, jabbing her finger at me. “Arielle,” I started again. “NO!” Quite a few people were now staring so I just shut my mouth as Julie came over, grabbing Arielle’s arm to try to pull her away, shooting daggers at me. “Let me gooo!” Arielle garbled at Julie. “We need to go now, Arielle,” Julie whispered harshly. Arielle finally complied but tilted her head back as Julie attempted to pull her away. “Oh and Isa, I almost forgot! Zach’s been texting me. We’re going out tomorrow night.” That did it. I snapped. The thought of Zach and Arielle, alone…my whole body jolted forward and grabbed Arielle, pulling her away from Julie’s grip. “Arielle, wait, please don’t—” She tore her arm from my grasp, almost falling over before screaming, “DON’T TOUCH ME.” Before I could respond, I felt a cold liquid start from the top of my head, seeping down my body, leaving my shirt sticky and my hair wet. The smell of vodka plagued my senses as Arielle pulled her now empty red cup away from my head and back to her body. “Karma really is a bitch. Just like you,” she sneered before leaning into Julie as they both walked away, leaving me behind, drenched and humiliated. A few people around me burst out laughing. I looked up to see Thomas helping Julie walk Arielle to the kitchen, but Jones stood where he was, frozen in place, looking at me. His eyes were full of sorrow and pity, and for a second I thought he actually might come over and help me. Then, his eyes turned darker, as if he remembered that I was the last person he should feel sorry for. He shook his head ever so slightly at me, and then turned away and followed his friends into the kitchen. I inhaled a shaky breath before pushing through the crowd until I was out on the front lawn, alone. Pushing back everything that had just happened, I checked my phone to realize it was 10:15. We had been at this stupid party for an hour. I tried calling Mikey and Jeremy again, but once more neither of them picked up. I cursed to myself, calling then over and over again until Mikey finally answered the phone. “Isabel?” he said dumbly into the phone. “Mikey! Where the fuck are you? I’ve been calling you forever!” “Isabel!” “Mikey…are you drunk?” “Where are you?” “I’m outside in the front. Where are you?” “Come back inside and party with us!” “Mikey, are you fucking crazy? I told you I have to be home at 11! You’re my ride home!” I spat, frustrated. “Calm down, Isa-Lisa. I can drive you home.” “Have you been drinking?” “Yeah.” “Then no, Mikey, you can’t drive me home, you dumbass. Has Jeremy been drinking?” “Of course, it’s a party! Come party with us!” “F you, Mikey.” I snapped my phone shut, an angry pulse running through me as I fell down onto the grass, putting my face in my hands. Mikey and Jeremy knew that I needed a ride home at 11. Why the f couldn’t one of them have just waited before drinking to give me a ride home and then come back and drink all they want? I checked the time on my phone. 10:30. I was so fucked. I had no one to call. Even if Julie and Arielle were sober, neither of them would drive me home. I was truly alone and I had no one to blame but myself. Maybe Dad would forget about curfew, come home from their dinner party and just go straight to sleep. It was unlikely, but I prayed it was possible as I leaned back on the grass, looking up at the stars as my soggy clothes reeked of alcohol and my skin became itchy and sticky. I tried to think of what I was going to do. I wished Brittany was here. She would know what to do. She would help me. At the very least, she would support me and comfort me. I tried not to let my mind wonder back to what had happened twenty minutes ago, because every time I did, tears pricked my eyes and I had to push them back. Sitting in Thomas’s front yard, drenched in vodka, staring up the stars, with no ride home and no explanation, was not the time or place to start crying. My phone rang four times in the next five minutes, all from Mikey and Jeremy. I ignored them all. At 10:45 my dad texted me. To: Isabel From: Dad Mom and I just got home. See u at 11. A string of colorful words escaped my lips as I plopped back down on the grass, running a hand through my sticky hair. Maybe I could just stay out and face the consequences tomorrow morning? That might be easier… My mind flashed back to earlier that week, the sound of my parents yelling at each other. “ROBERT, I SWEAR TO—” I shook my head to get the sound of a dish shattering out of my mind. I had to find a ride home tonight. Suddenly, it clicked. I thought of someone to call and before my instincts could stop me to tell me no, the phone was ringing. “Isabel?” Nick answered his phone. I choked on my own breath, startled. For one, I was surprised my number was still saved in his phone. Two, I realized what I was doing. “Nick?” I replied back. “Duh, you called me,” he said impatiently, and I heard the sound of people talking and laughing in the background on his side. “Right…um…” “Isabel, WHAT?” “Where are you?” I asked, before mentally slapping myself. Now I sounded like a freaky stalker. “Uh, at Liam’s house, why?” “I need a favor.” “Oh god. What is it?” “I really need a ride home.” “Are you serious, Isa?” he snapped. “You’re calling me at 10:50 at night—” “Nick, please!” I begged, a tear escaping my eye. I hastily wiped it away and regained control of my voice. “I wouldn’t be calling you if I really didn’t need your help.” He was silent for a few moments before he let out a long sigh. His voice was softer when he said, “Where are you?” “At Thomas Graze’s house.” He sighed again and said, “I’ll be there in a few. Stay put,” before the line went dead. I sat on Thomas’s front lawn for a while, watching every time a car went down the road to see if it was Nick. I soon remembered that Nick didn’t have a car since Cooper took the car down with him to San Luis Obispo, so I had no idea how Nick was planning on getting me. I began to worry as my phone read 10:56. Four minutes. Another minute passed until a white Mercedes pulled up to the curb of Thomas’s house. The window rolled down and Nick’s face appeared. I quickly got up off the lawn and walked over to the passenger seat, settling myself into the warm leather. After I closed the door, Nick glanced at me and I remembered that I was covered in now mostly-dry vodka. He gave me a look before he shook his head and turned the car back onto the road. “I don’t even want to know.” It was then I realized he was driving a Mercedes that looked extremely familiar… “Is this Allegra’s car?” I asked him, a bit of panic in my voice. “Don’t worry about it,” he grumbled. Nick was in a bad mood. What’s new? I glanced out the window before asking, “You’re sober right?” “No, I’m totally wasted right now,” he said with harsh sarcasm. “Okay, I was just asking,” I murmured. For the next few minutes, we stayed silent as he drove towards my house. Occasionally we would stop at a red stoplight and sit there awkwardly. I would sneak a glance at him, every now and then. His jaw was always tight as the red florescent light flickered across his defined features. His cell rang, the song Waffle House by Andre Nickatina blasting through his phone speakers. He snatched it, glancing at the Caller ID, grumbling to himself before answering it. “Hey,” he said into the receiver. The light turned green and he stepped on the gas as a shrill voice screamed into the phone. “Yeah, I know, I’ll be back in five minutes…” The girly shrill voice rang through the car. I tried to make out what she was saying, but I just couldn’t, so I pretended to look out the window like I was uninterested in the conversation. “I know, I know, I just had to do this one thing—” He waited again as she screamed into his ear. “You know that’s not what this is about, Al. When I get back, I’ll make it up to you, okay?” So it was Allegra. My hands balled into fists. So he could talk all sweet and be nice to her but heaven forbid he say one nice thing to me, the girl he’s known his entire f*ing life. “Yes…Yeah, I promise…Yeah, the car is fine,” he told her. “I’ll see you soon. Bye.” He snapped his phone shut and placed it back on the console. “Was that Allegra?” “Is it any of your business?” I looked down at my hands, my hair falling into my face. I should know better than to open my mouth at this point…everything that comes out f*s everything up anyways right? Hadn’t I learned that tonight from Arielle? And Thomas? I felt Nick’s eyes on me for a few moments before he said, “Sorry. That was uncalled for.” “It’s fine,” I croaked, turning my head to face the window so I could wipe away the tear that had fallen without him noticing. I still felt his eyes on the back of my head as he kept driving. My phone buzzed on my lap and I opened it. To: Isabel From: Dad Where r u?! It was 11:04. I looked up to see what road we were on and quickly wrote him back. To: Dad From: Isabel 2 mins away. Nick and I were silent for the rest of the ride. I still felt him glancing at me often, and a few times I thought he was going to say something, but he never ended up saying anything. His phone rang two more times, but he ignored them both. When he finally pulled into the driveway at my house, I unbuckled my seat belt and said without looking at him, “Sorry to have bothered you. Thanks for the ride.” I opened the door as he said, “Isabel,” a hint of urgency and worry in his voice, but my mother burst out of the front door onto the porch and cut him off. “Isabel Rose Scott, get your ass into this house right now!” I cursed under my breath and got out of Allegra’s perfectly polished Mercedes, slamming the door shut behind me as I walked towards my fuming mother. “Where have you been?” she barked at me. I opened my mouth to start explaining but was cut off unexpectedly. “Sorry I got her home so late, Barbara!” I spun around to see Nick, shutting the door to the Mercedes as he came over to my mom and I. “Nick?” Mom asked, just as surprised as I was. My eyes wide, I gave him a look that said What are you doing? Play along or else, he eyed back. He then looked at my mom and gave her a warm smile. “It’s really all my fault. I invited her to come hang out with me and some friends and I promised I’d have her home on time, but we just lost track of time. You know how it is.” “Of course,” Mom said hesitantly. She then eyed his car. “And where did you get that nice car?” “Oh that’s just a friend’s,” he said casually. “Anyways, I got to get back, but again I’m really sorry about not having her home on time. I just thought she should get out, you know.” “Yes,” Mom said, a kind smile crossing her face. “Well thank you for thinking of her Nick.” “Anytime, Barbara. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.” He then turned to me, his grey eyes sinking into mine. “See you Monday, Isa.” I simply nodded, not trusting my voice as he got back into his Mercedes and drove away, saving my ass yet again.

“Can we take a water break?” I begged, as I rested the palm of my hands on my knees, doubled over and panting. I heard Nick sigh through his nose before he muttered, “Make it quick. We still have to practice free throws.” I stumbled over to my water bottle, resting on the porch steps leading up to the Parker’s house, and took a long gulp. Nick grabbed his water and sat down a foot away from me, gulping down the water as well. Today had been our official first day of coaching. As if Mondays weren’t already long enough, I was ready to die. I got to Nick’s house 20 minutes after school had ended only to find he was waiting for me, a deep scowl on his face. “You’re late,” he informed me, a kink is his tone. “Sorry?” “Put your water bottle down. We’re going for a run.” “A run?” “No, we’re kayaking. Yes, we’re going for a run,” he said, shooting me a look as he took off running. I scrambled to catch up with him. I was not expecting this. At most, I was expecting 30 minutes of some careless shooting around and them him telling me to get off his property. But it seemed I was wrong, for he was taking the word “coaching” rather seriously. The run itself lasted 25 minutes and when we finally made it back to his house I was panting, cramping, and sweating like I had jumped into a lake—in my defense it was 75 degrees out! Nick, on the other hand, had a slight flush to his cheeks, a bead of sweat rimming is forehead, and his calf muscles pulsing excitedly. How was it that I looked disgusting after the run, yet he managed to look more attractive? I grumbled to myself, wiping my forehead off with the back of my hand as he explained the next drill. Now, exhaustion overtook me and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball with my water bottle and go to sleep. We had been practicing for a little over an hour, doing various drills, not moving on until I executed them perfectly, or at least what Nick considered to be ‘perfect.’ Setting my water bottle down and regaining my breath, I slyly looked over at Nick, honestly confused. He was taking this whole thing so seriously. Did he even want to do this? I didn’t understand, but I wasn’t about to ask him. He was in one of his moods. His cell phone rang suddenly, and he pulled it out of his pocket. He sighed, reading the Caller ID before answering. “Hey, what’s up?” The same shrill girly voice screamed through the receiver. Allegra. My mind flashed back to earlier that day. I went to use the restroom during fifth period Spanish, and while washing my hands at the sink, another girl came and stood at the sink next to me. When I noticed she wasn’t washing her hands, I glanced up to see it was Allegra. Staring directly at me. “Hello, Isabel.” She blinked at me, looking me up and down, her icy eyes judging my every feature. I inhaled, trying to keep myself calm and casual. “Hello, Allegra,” I mimicked, heading over to grab some paper towels. “Do you need something?” “Yes, I do,” she sneered, following me. “I need you to stay the f away from my boyfriend. Got it?” “If you’re referring to Nick, then trust me, you have nothing to worry about.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Who else would I be referring to?” I shrugged. “I mean, you have a bit of a reputation for sleeping around so—” “You’re one to talk,” she smiled artificially. I let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. You know me so well, Allegra!” She glared at me. “Look, what you do with other guys for money isn’t my problem. Just leave my boyfriend out of it.” My fingernails cut into the palms of my hands as they balled into tight fists. What I would give to knock that stupid smirk off that fake bitch’s face— Allegra laughed as she tossed her luscious, dark hair over her shoulder. “What are you going to do, punch me? Please, Isa, take your best shot. Seeing you suspended from school for three days would be the cherry on top of a perfect week.” Glaring at her, I hitched my bag up on my shoulder. “Even if punching you in the face was the most rewarding gift, I would never give you the satisfaction of anything I can control. Goodbye, Allegra.” Now as I looked over at Nick, he had his forehead resting in the palm of his hand on his knee, the phone pressed lazily to his ear. “I know, but I told you, I just can’t hang out tonight. We’ll hang out later this week…Yes, I promise…I have to go…Yeah. Bye.” Allegra’s voice was still screaming through the speaker as Nick snapped the phone shut, his head still looking down as if he were embarrassed to look up at me. “How’s the girlfriend?” I asked, trying to keep my tone indifferent, but it was noticeable to tell a hint of my distaste seeping through. Nick’s head snapped up so quickly I jumped a little. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he said glaring at me, emphasizing every word. I raised my eyebrows at him as I took a sip of water. “Really? Well, you might want to let her know that.” He mumbled something inaudible as he stood up. “Free throws,” he barked at me and in a second, despite my body telling me to sit back down, I was up and following him back to the basketball hoop in his driveway. This was how practices went for the rest of the week. A run, drills, free throws, followed by a one-on-one scrimmage between Nick and I. At the end of practice everyday I would be sweaty and exhausted, but Nick would still look like he could run another mile, his muscles flexing naturally as his cheeks warmed to a boyish flush. The tension between us seemed to grow with every day, us becoming less friendly to each other and more distant. By the time Friday rolled around, I was ready to kill him. “Bend your knees more! Run, run, run…nope, your elbow f*ed up again,” he yelled at me as I did a layup—which, in my opinion, was perfectly fine. “I’m trying,” I huffed, pushing down the curse words I wanted to yell at him. This was the one-thousandth time I had done this dumb exercise. “Well try harder,” he stated annoyed. I grabbed the ball and stomped over the starting place before taking off and executing a layup. “Again. Your elbow was off.” “No it wasn’t! I corrected it!” I seethed at him. “Yes,” he shot back, his grey eyes piercing into my skin. “It was. See this is what it’s supposed to be,” he said, demonstrating the shooting motion, “And this is what you did.” He then did the same exact shooting motion, except he jutted out the elbow by literally a centimeter. “Are you f*ing kidding me?” I yelled at him. “That was like a centimeter!” “It was still off.” “I made the hoop!” “It makes a difference.” My hands balled into fists and my teeth bit into my top lip. “I’m getting a drink of water,” I announced angrily ripping my eyes from his dark glare as I made my way over to the porch steps. I gulped down the water before roughly pulling out my hair tie to be able to run my fingers through my sweaty hair. I was already sick of this. Five days, that’s all it took. Why can’t he see all the things I’m doing right? Why is it that nothing is ever good enough? “A f*ing centimeter,” I muttered to myself, thinking of my stupid elbow. I threw back more water as Nick came over to stand in front of me. His chiseled face was hard and his eyes were irritated. “Let’s go,” he told me. “I’m exhausted,” I said through my teeth. “I don’t care,” he shot back, his face blazing with rage. “Get. Up.” “No.” “DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU OR NOT, ISA?” He finally burst, screaming at me. It felt like a déjà vu of the night of Liam’s party, where I was wasted drunk on the porch steps to Liam’s backyard and Nick was standing in front of me, scolding me harshly as the moonlight highlighted his dark hair. Now instead of moonlight, the sunlight shone down, making his dark locks look more auburn colored. And this time, instead of me sitting there defenseless, I was going to fight back. “No, the real question is do you even want to help me? Because if Coach put you up to this then just stop, Nick, because I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP.” “Oh of course!” he yelled back, sarcastically. “I’m only doing this because Coach is making me! Well newsflash, Isabel, it was my idea. I volunteered to help you.” He let out a long breath, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, as he stared at me. When he spoke again, his voice was calm, but still had a tinge of anger. “There. Happy?” His grey eyes sunk into me, sending a shiver through me. I refused to look away as I processed what he had just said. The only thing I could manage to murmur was, “Why?” He broke our gaze, his hand scrunching his messy hair as he looked down. “Because. You’re really good, Isabel.” I had to do a double take. “What?” I asked, playfully. I couldn’t help but let a smile sneak onto my face. “Hold on, wait. Nick Parker giving me a…compliment?” He shot me a look and even though on the surface it seemed to be his generic glare, there was a hint of playfulness underneath as well. “Don’t read to much into it,” he muttered as he sat down next to me, fighting a smile that I could easily see. “I don’t know. Your compliments only come once every three years.” “Ha-ha, funny,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. I let out a small but genuine laugh and for a millisecond, a smile broke out onto his face before he quickly masked it. Not before I had seen it though. I gulped down some more water, deciding that it was worth moving my elbow a centimeter to see him smile for a millisecond.

“Mom, Dad! I’m home!” I called, slipping off my sweaty shoes in the foyer. “I’m in the kitchen!” Dad replied and I made my way in to see him. He was sitting at the kitchen table looking over some paperwork. He looked up at me from his reading glasses and smiled at me. “How was practice today?” I shrugged, thinking back to the fight Nick and I had just had, followed by us actually talking and making up. “Surprisngly good,” I responded, plopping down in the chair beside him. “Where’s Mom?” “Out.” He quickly changed the subject. “So I was thinking you and me could go out to dinner?” “Only if it’s Napoli’s,” I smirked playfully. “You read my mind,” he grinned back. “Get a shower and then we’ll go.” I raced out of my chair and upstairs to the bathroom, quickly showering and changing. My stomach was growling for some of the best pizza any restaurant could offer. Napoli Pizza did it right. “Let’s go!” I hollered, skipping the stairs two at a time, my hair still wet from the shower. Dad was already at the door, keys in hand, as I slipped on a pair of flip-flops and followed him out to his car. When we arrived at the small, local restaurant, Dad and I were quickly greeted by Dino, the owner of the store for as long as its been around. “Roberto! Isabella!” Dino welcomed us in his thick Italian accent. “Long time, no see! Where is the lovely Barbara?” “She’s out tonight,” Dad responded gruffly, but smiled at Dino nonetheless. “It’s great to see you too, Dino!” Dino escorted us to a table at the back of the restaurant, the same table we ate at every time we came. “Will you both have the usual?” Dino asked. Dad and I exchanged a glance before nodding at him. “Of course,” he smiled and offered me a playful wink. “Your pizzas will be ready very soon.” After Dino left to see to the kitchen, I finally asked Dad, “So. Where is Mom tonight?” Dad shrugged, but I didn’t miss the way his back stiffened at the topic. “She’s actually at a job interview.” I raised my eyebrows. “Mom? Working again? Where?” “Just a local law firm.” “What local law firm?” Dad gave me a pointed look. “Well, someone is asking all the questions tonight. I don’t know. Just a law firm.” I narrowed my eyes at him, but he refused to make eye contact with me. Clearly, twirling his finger around in his glass of ice water was particularly interesting at the moment. “How’s school been?” he asked. I kept my eyes zeroed in on him, not answering his question. When the silence continued, I finally gave in, shaking my head and taking a sip of my own water. “It’s okay.” “And basketball with Nick? That seems to be taking up a lot of your time. You think you’ll make the team?” “Well, Coach said if I get back in shape and go to all the open gyms in October, he’s guaranteeing me a spot on varsity.” “That’s awesome, Isa. I’m so proud of you.” I looked at his smiling face, his forehead crinkled up, his eyes bright with approval. My chest swelled. I hadn’t seen him look at me like that in a year. “And how are your friends…Julie? Arielle? You haven’t brought them home for a sleepover in a while.” “They’re not my friends,” I murmured. “What do you mean? Of course they are.” This time it was my turn to give him a pointed look. “Okay, so then what happened?” “I don’t really want to talk about it.” By the tone of my voice, Dad got the hint that it was a touchy subject. The only sound heard for the next few moments was the soft sound of chatter in the background and ice clinking against our water glasses. Finally, Dad’s voice, quiet and sincere, spoke up. “You know, Isa, I know you’ve had a tough time, coming back from boarding school and everything. And I know Mom can put a lot of pressure on you sometimes. But I also want you to know that I’m really proud of you. These last few months with you being back and all, it’s just clear that you’ve matured so much.” It took me a moment to make sure that he was in fact talking about me. The girl he was describing didn’t seem like me. Mature? That was far from what I used to describe myself. The large, pleased smile on his face sent a pang of guilt running through me. Dumping a drink of Arielle? Betraying Arielle? Getting so drunk I black out? Ignoring Mikey and Jeremy? Being a bitch to Nick sometimes for no reason? Right. Mature. Totally. Suddenly, the idea of pizza made me feel nauseas. I was not the girl my father thought I was. I was not someone to be proud of. I gave him the most convincing smile I could muster up. “Thanks, Dad.” “Anything for my favorite girl.” ~~~ I skidded down the court, sweat dripping off my forehead, my t-shirt sticking to my back. Faces were blurry as I dodged every figure coming towards me. The only thing in sight was the basket, coming nearer and nearer. Deep breath in, bend the knees, run, run, JUMP. Just as the ball left my hands, it was stopped again by a tan, dainty palm. My feet reached the floor the same time as hers. Fuming, I stared into the amused eyes of Allegra as she whisked off with the ball to the three-point line. My eyes flickered to Coach McPherson, who was plopped in a folding chair on the sideline with an expressionless look on his face. His eyes met mine for a brief moment, but he didn’t show me any sign of what he was thinking. We both broke the gaze and I hustled to set up for the next play. The first night of open gym. Almost everyone who was trying out this year was here tonight. Coach split up the basketball court; the boys played a half court game on one side, and we played a half court game on the other. So far, the night was going okay. I wasn’t doing as well as I hoped, but I wasn’t playing terribly either. I kept reminding myself though that I had plenty of other times to show Coach that I was ready for varsity. Tonight was just one night. Basketball aside, every other aspect of the night was horrible. First of all, there was Allegra, who seemed to be blocking almost every one of my layups. Plus, giving her any satisfaction psychically pained me inside. Next, enter Arielle and Julie, both of whom under normal circumstances I would have loved playing with. Half of what made basketball the best thing freshmen and sophomore year was the fact that I got to play with my two best friends. Now though, it was awful. They stuck together, sharing water, whispering and laughing to each other every time Allegra said something stupid or sucked up to Coach. That used to be the three of us. But I was an outsider now. I felt like an unwanted guest in a gym that was supposed to mine—ours—this year. Instead, I got death glares and shoulder shoves whenever they walked past me. Since I played point guard, I had the ball a lot, and Arielle would randomly make it her mission to come at me, full spring, and tackle me to the ground. Coach finally told her to stop after the third time. “She deserves worse,” Arielle had muttered under her breath in response. She didn’t tackle me again though. Coach blew his whistle, and all of us on the court—mostly seniors and a few juniors—hustled off as the sophomores who were posted on the sidelines finally got their turn to play. They quickly set up and the games were off as the rest of us sat on the sidelines, drinking water and hanging out. I took this time to look over at the senior guys sitting on the sideline on the opposite side of Coach McPherson. My eyes found a muscular boy shaking out his mop of brown hair as he downed the rest of his water bottle. This brings me to the third most horrible part of the night. Nick. It wasn’t that something happened or anything, it was just the awkward tension between Nick, Allegra, and I. Every time I made a basket I would look over and see Nick watching me. We would meet each other’s eyes but he would quickly look away and get back into his own game. There were other times when I could feel him watching me through his peripheral vision as I went to make a hoop, and when I missed, I would glance over, as if to beg for his guidance. He would do nothing, say nothing and even though his eyes would look at me like he wanted to help me too, Allegra was here. And she hated me. And that was that. Now, I hadn’t realized I’d still been staring at him until his eyes met mine and my skin jumped a bit just from his eye contact. For a second, I thought he was going to walk towards me, but instead he broke our gaze as something else came into his line of sight. A smile appeared on his face, one that I only saw on a rare occasion. It was a real smile, one that reached his sparkling grey eyes. Allegra appeared in my line of sight as she strutted over to him, a flirty smile on her perfect face as well. I creepily sat there and stared as they flirted with each other, occasionally bumping one of their arms on legs into the others. Coach finally blew his whistle, announcing that it was our turn to play again. Allegra smiled at Nick one final time and he winked at her before she turned around and sashayed away. Nick immediately glanced over at me, and although I should have been embarrassed and looked away like a normal person, I kept my stare on him. I wanted to see his response. I wanted something, anything from him. He stared back at me blankly until finally he tilted his head a little, squinting his eyes and retracting his head back into his neck. He then turned around and walked away, shaking his head ever so slightly, like I was just some weird, creepy girl who he had never met before. I tried to ignore the ache my stomach received from his reaction. The sound of all the girls on my basketball team laughed from behind me as they chatted away, heading towards the court. No on needed me. I don’t belong here. ~~~ Most everyone was gone by now. I was taking my sweet time packing up my basketball stuff, waiting to get a moment alone with Coach. I watched as the last few people walked out, including Nick and Allegra. Once everyone had left for sure, I took a deep breath and walked towards Coach McPherson. “I’m so proud of you, Isa,” Dad kept murmuring in the back of my head with his overwhelming smile. “I’m so sorry, Dad,” I responded to him with each step I took. “Coach,” I finally said once I had reached him. He looked up from his papers, squinting at me before relaxing his face. “Isabel. Great playing out there tonight. You’ve really worked your ass off and it shows. How’s it feel to be back?” “Well, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,” I murmured. His brow furrowed again. “What do you mean?” “Well, I…I just don’t know if I really want to play this year. Being back out here has kind of made me realize that…what I’m saying is that I don’t think I’m going to be trying out.” He stared at me for a long time, and I began to fidget. He exhaled a deep breath and said, “Are you telling me—” “Hey!” Coach and I both looked over to see none other than Nick running over to us. “I was hoping I might find you in here. I wanted to talk to you,” Nick said to me before turning to Coach with an accomplished grin on his face. “She played amazing out there tonight, huh?” “Yes, she did,” Coach agreed before turning to me, “Although, according to Scott here, I don’t know if it really matters.” “What?” Nick asked me in a confused tone, his eyebrow furrowing just the same way Coach’s had a moment ago. I looked down at my worn in basketball shoes as I scuffed them uncomfortably against the gym floor. “I don’t think I’m going to play.” “What?” Nick said again, except this time instead of sounding confused, I heard the slightest hint of rage. Coach, sighing, stood up from his chair for the first time all night. “Look, Isabel, why don’t you sleep on it? I’ll know your decision if you show up to open gym tomorrow. I gotta head home now though.” I nodded and said, “Thank you, Coach,” before shuffling towards the exit as our coach went into his office. In a matter of seconds Nick was on my heels. I had almost reached the gym door when Nick grabbed my t-shirt and pulled me back, pushing me up against the wall and placing his hands next to either side of my head so I was trapped. His face was a bright pink, his eyes were dark, and he sucked in his cheeks in anger. “I’m sorry I think I misunderstood the conversation you just had with Coach,” he rumbled. “No,” I said sternly, suddenly feeling angry and confident too. He had no right to be treating me this way. “You didn’t. I said I wasn’t playing basketball this year.” He shut his eyes before quickly opening them again, and an even darker shade of grey pierced me. My whole body felt cold all of a sudden. “And what did you mean?” he ground out. I gave him an incredulous look. “I meant that I wasn’t playing basketball this year,” I barked back. “Why do you care so much anyway?” “Why do I care?” he asked me angrily, pushing himself off the wall forcefully as he took a step back. “Because I just spent my afternoon every day helping you practice, that’s why I care!” “I never asked for your help!” “Well, you got it, Isabel, so you can’t just quit!” “Yes, actually, I can,” I told him finally before attempting to exit the gym. He grabbed my shirt again, trying to pull me towards him. “We’re not done talking!” I turned around and let him pull me into him, giving him a sweet smile that was so fake it felt sour on my own lips. “Why don’t we go talk outside, huh, Nick?” Still holding onto me, he glanced at the door. “Or are you too afraid your girlfriend will pee her panties if she sees you talking to me?” His eyes snapped back to mine. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he whispered through clenched teeth. “Oh, grow up, Nick,” I spat, finally forcing him to unclench my now wrinkled shirt from his fists. “Don’t tell me to face my problems if you can’t even face your own.” I finally succeeded in escaping the gym’s wrath and trudged out into the parking lot. Allegra’s car was idling on the curbside, clearly waiting for Nick. As I walked by Allegra called out, “Hey, Isa! You know what’s funny? The fact that I went easy on your ass tonight, and you still sucked.” “Hey, Allegra!” I called back in the same mocking tone. “You know what’s funny? The fact that your boyfriend just told me he wants to hook up with me!” Allegra’s jaw dropped. She totally bought it. I made sure I turned completely around and away from her before a smirk crept onto my face. Have fun dealing with that tonight, Nick. As I drove away, I caught sight of Allegra and Nick fighting in my rearview mirror. I cranked up the pop song on the radio and sang with it the whole way home. ~~~ “Isa! Get the door!” Mom called as a second round of knocks banged on our door. Reluctantly, I got up and slouched over to the front hallway, wondering who was visiting us at 9 at night. The second I opened the door, I tried to shut it again, but he caught it with his hand and pushed it back open, nearly killing me in the process. Nick stepped inside and slammed the door shut. “Hey, Barbara!” “Nick? Is that you?” Mom called from the kitchen. “Yeah, I just dropped by to go over some basketball stuff with Isabel, you know. I hope you don’t mind.” “Oh, of course not, honey! You’re always welcome over here!” Nick gave me a smug look as I crossed my arms over my chest. “Thanks, Barbara!” he called back before grabbing my arm and pulling me upstairs and into my own room. “I can walk myself,” I muttered to him once we were inside my room with the door closed. He ignored my comment. “Have you lost your f*ing mind, Isa?” he seethed. “Hmm?” I played dumb. “Telling Coach you’re aren’t playing anymore and then telling Allegra that I asked you to hook up? Really? Are you that immature?” I shrugged my shoulders and responded in a sarcastic yet nonchalant way, “I must be.” He sat down on my bed, running his hands through his hair angrily. “I swear to God, Isa…” “You look a little flustered, Nick,” I casually observed. He groaned, pulling the skin as he ran his fingers down his face. He then let go of his skin and let it retract back to its normal position. “Alright. Talk to me. What’s going on?” I narrowed my eyes. “Nothing’s going on.” “Bullshit. Something’s going on. You’re acting all weird. What is it.” “You don’t know me.” “I remember a lot more about you than you think,” he said standing up, a hint of defensiveness to his deep voice. “Well then if you’re such an expert on me, tell me, Dr. Parker, why am I acting like this? What are all my problems since you know me oh so well?” His face suddenly went blank, and the five-foot distance between us that seemed much too close a few seconds ago now seemed incredibly far apart. His body heat left the room and a shiver ran down my spine. “Don’t be like this, Isa,” he said so quietly I had to strain to hear it. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared down at my feet. “Don’t quit basketball. Please. You’re really good at it. And I can tell when you play, basketball gets you. It clicks.” He took a few steps closer to me, and I had this odd sensation to just run up and wrap my arms around him. Instead though, I kept my eyes to the ground. “Don’t play basketball for me. Or your parents. Or anyone. Play for yourself. You deserve it.” He was now standing directly in front of me and I finally looked up, straight into his warm grey eyes. “Don’t give up on something you love,” he told me, his eyes staring straight into mine. “Don’t make the same mistake I did.” He then, snapped his eyes shut, breaking off the connection before walking past me, out the door, right back the way he came.